


(Not) Boyfriends

by tricia_16



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (when it comes to gay sex), Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Bottom Dean, Bottom Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, First Meeting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, From Online to Face-to-Face, Happy Ending, Long-Distance Relationship, Love at First Sight, M/M, Online Relationship, Phone Sex, Rimming, Rutting, Sexual Chemistry, Texting, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Virgin Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-03-22 04:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 74,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13756410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tricia_16/pseuds/tricia_16
Summary: Dean has been falling in love with Cas a little bit more every day for the last year and a half. He's so smart and funny, and he always makes Dean feel so good about himself. There isn't anything he doesn't like about him.Except for the fact that they've never met.Dean's brother Sam has had about enough of Dean being unhealthily tethered to both his cell phone and a person he's never even laid eyes on. And well, desperate times call for desperate measures... and maybe a little bit of outside help.Nobody could have prepared Dean for everything he feels the first time he locks eyes with Cas, and it only gets better with every minute spent in each other's company. But can they take the distance between them and withstand the wait until they can be together for real?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://i.imgur.com/z7HWErCh.jpg)  
>   
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve never watched an episode of Catfish on MTV before, you might not even be familiar with the word. A catfish is defined on the TV show as: a person who sets up a false personal profile on a social networking site for fraudulent or deceptive purposes. It's a reality TV show, and the two hosts are Nev and Max. Each episode they meet a different person who has been talking to somebody online that they haven't had the chance to meet face to face, and they try to discover if both people are real or if one (or both) of them are being catfished.
> 
> I've been writing recaps of Catfish episodes and while I was doing that, this idea came to me.
> 
> Nev and Max are only in the first two chapters, then it's back to all Dean, Cas, and Sam, so please don't let the Catfish thing keep you from reading this!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it...

Dean wakes up to his alarm going off on his phone the same way he does every week day. Not being a morning person, he groans unhappily and rolls over to pick it up so he can turn it off. Once his eyes get on board with being awake and decide to focus, he smiles when he sees a text message waiting for him. His day almost always starts off this way so it really shouldn't cause all these warm and fuzzy feelings inside of him - especially not first thing in the morning - but he can't wipe the small smile off of his face when he opens the message.

 

 **CAS:** Good morning, gorgeous. I hope you didn’t wake up on the wrong side of the bed.

 **DEAN:**  You know I always do, but I’m smiling now. Good morning, babe :)

 **CAS:** I wish I was there to see that smile!

 **DEAN:** I wish you were here, too.

 **CAS:** I have to get going now, but I’ll text you again on my lunch.

 **DEAN:** Don’t work too hard :)

 **CAS:** Don’t miss me too much :P

 **DEAN:** You know I can’t promise that.

 **CAS:** <3

 

Dean stumbles his way to the bathroom to shower and shave, only barely keeping his eyes open in the process. As he walks back to his bedroom to get dressed, he hears his brother Sam talking to somebody from the kitchen, and assumes he’s Facetiming with his friend, Eileen. Once he’s dressed in a pair of jeans a tee shirt, he goes out to the kitchen to grab himself a cup of coffee and a Pop Tart to start his day.

Sam ends the call he was on the second Dean comes into the room and Dean eyes him suspiciously as he stirs the cream and sugar into his coffee. “There’s no way you were having phone sex this early in the morning.”

Sam gives him an unimpressed look, but Dean doesn't miss how there’s still something about it that looks sorta guilty. “You’re one to talk,” Sam replies. Dean just snorts in response because that’s actually one thing him and Cas have never done. He leans against the counter to drink his coffee, burning his tongue on it a little like he always does, but feeling it fill him up like it’s his life force anyway. “Hey, uh, what kind of plans do you have this weekend?” Sam asks.

Dean shrugs a shoulder. “Nothing that I know of. Why? You need me to get outta your hair so Eileen can come over or something?”

“No, nothing like that. Was just wondering if you’d be around tomorrow,” Sam replies.

“I usually am on weekends,” Dean answers dryly, wondering why he’d even ask knowing that he spends most of his time home on the weekends talking to Cas whenever he can.

“Okay, yeah. Cool beans.”

 _Cool beans?_  Dean ignores his brother being weird (even for him) and takes a seat at the kitchen table, choosing to eat his Pop Tarts without toasting them so he can eat them faster. It's not long before he takes off for work, and he spends his morning underneath car after car, exactly where he likes being the most.

He’s barely got his hands washed and his lunch out of the fridge when his phone lights up with a message from Cas.

 

 **CAS:** Hello, Dean. How was your morning?

 **DEAN:** Hey babe. Spent the morning under a bunch of cars.

 **CAS:** Which means you had a great morning. I’m glad to hear it :) Are you doing anything this weekend?

 **DEAN:** No plans other than talking to you as much as I can

 **CAS:** I'm working a double tomorrow but I do like the way that sounds :) I've got an hour in between shifts with your name on it.

 **DEAN:** Can we FaceTime?

 **CAS:** You know how much I’d love that, but I can’t. I told you already, my phone doesn’t do video calls.

 **DEAN:** Yeah, I remember. Keep hoping you’ll get a new one, I guess.

 **CAS:** I’ve been saving up for one, but my budget is very tight. It’s taking a while. But you have no idea how much I’d love to see your face while we talk.

 **DEAN:** I’d just love to see your face period.

 **CAS:** Soon. I promise. Actually, I was thinking that this summer could work. I have a week of vacation coming up.

 **DEAN:** Holy shit, really?

 **CAS:** Really. You pick the week and we’ll make plans to spend it together :)

 **DEAN:** You’re not gonna bail like you did last time?

 **CAS:** Assuming I don't have to spend the day at the police station again, then no :)

 **DEAN:** God. You have no idea how much I want to touch you.

 **DEAN:** And NOT in a creepy way lol

 **CAS:** I'm pretty sure you could touch me in any way you wanted to and I wouldn’t think it’s creepy :) I just want to be with you. Fall asleep with you in my arms.

 **DEAN:** I don’t know how I can miss you when we’ve never even met, but fuck. I miss you so much, baby.

 **CAS:** I know exactly what you mean. I miss you too <3 I wish I could be with you every day.

 **DEAN:** You’re the only person I’ve ever thought about that kind of thing with

 **CAS:** Being with me every day?

 **DEAN:** Yeah. I wanna be with you so bad. I’ve never felt like this about anybody before.

 **CAS:** I want that too, Dean. When I think about the future, I think about us together.

 **DEAN:** Me too. This summer is too far away :( Think you can send me a new picture sometime soon?

 **CAS:** I will ask my brother to take a new one this weekend and email it to you. But only if you send me one back :)

 **DEAN:** You've gotta have hundreds of pics of me by now. Don’t want you getting sick of my face before we meet.

 **CAS:** You have seen your face, haven’t you? That’s not going to happen this century. You’re the most attractive person I’ve ever laid eyes on.

 **DEAN:** You must not have looked in a mirror any time lately. From what I can tell, you're hot, babe!

 **CAS:** You make me feel so good about myself :)

 **DEAN:** Good. I want to. You deserve it.

 **CAS:** Why do you have to live so far away? :(

 **DEAN:** I would have already moved to be closer to you if it weren’t for Sam.

 **CAS:** I know. I didn’t mean to imply that it was your fault.

 **DEAN:** He’ll be finished high school in less than a month. Then when he leaves for law school I’m free to move wherever I want…

 **CAS:** Would you really move here just to be with me? Seriously?

 **DEAN:** I mean, if everything between us IRL is the same as it is when we talk like this, then yeah. If you would want me to.

 **CAS:** I can’t believe we’ve been talking for more than a year and you still don’t know how badly I want to be with you.

 **DEAN:** You know how I feel about you, Cas, but there’s still that doubt there because of everything that’s happened.

 **CAS:** I understand where you’re coming from, but I'm really looking forward to proving you wrong this summer :)

 **DEAN:** I can’t wait.

 **CAS:** I should really let you eat your sandwich

 **DEAN:** Tired of me already? :P

 **CAS:** Never. But I know how grouchy you get when you’re hungry.

 **DEAN:** You know me too well :)

 **CAS:** I’m a very doting (not) boyfriend :P

 **DEAN:** The best (not) boyfriend in the world  <3 I’ll talk to you after work.

 **CAS:** Already counting down the minutes <3

 **DEAN:** xoxoxo

 

“I should take your phone away if it’s gonna make you go all doe eyed every time you look at it,” Bobby grumbles. Dean hadn’t even noticed he came in the room. “Not interested in a chick flick in my garage, boy.”

“Excuse me for being happy,” Dean replies, unwrapping his sandwich and biting into it.

“Still that Cass girl that’s makin’ you all Twitterpated?”

Dean feels the familiar twinge of unease at lying about who he’s talking to, but nods nonetheless.

“About time you introduce me to her if you’re gettin’ this serious about her, don’t you think?”

Dean nods again and swallows down a too-big bite. “Whenever we meet up here instead of there, you got it.”

Bobby takes his coffee cup and heads back out the door, mumbling, “Idjit,” under his breath as he goes.

 _Fuck_.

When is he ever gonna grow a pair and tell Bobby and Sam that Cas isn’t a chick? He thinks there's a possibility Sam might know that he’s bi, but Bobby obviously has no idea, and Dean can think of about twenty million things he’d rather talk about than _that_ with a guy that calls him princess as an insult at least once a day.

He gives his head a shake and pushes his thoughts away like he always does whenever he thinks about that. Since he’s alone in the lunch room, he opens his camera roll and scrolls through the three pictures he has of Cas. He’s looked at them so many times he doesn’t even need them in front of him to see every detail in his mind, but it still doesn’t stop him from looking at them several times a day. They’re really all he has of Cas.

The first two pictures he got of him were pretty grainy, but he could make out his dark hair, pink lips, and blue eyes enough to know he'd definitely be into him. Then he got his favorite picture of him. One that's actually clear and even has him smiling. Cas told him that his brother was dancing around like an idiot and had threatened to moon him if he didn’t smile like he meant it, and that’s what prompted a smile so big you can see a hint of his gums. Dean loves the adorable way his nose is scrunched up. He’s never wanted to kiss somebody’s nose until he saw that picture. He thinks he can hear that smile when they talk on the phone sometimes, but god, what he wouldn’t give to see it in real time.

He reads through some of the old text threads between him and Cas to kill the rest of his lunch hour, and then he’s back to work. The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Him and Sam order a couple of pizzas for dinner and watch some TV until Cas calls, then he spends a few hours on the phone with him until they’re both too tired to keep up a conversation.

He falls asleep with the echo of Cas’s voice still in his head, and it’s _almost_ like he’s there with him the way he wishes he was.

Dean sleeps in late Saturday morning. By the time he showers and walks into the kitchen it’s almost eleven, and Sam’s sitting there like he’s been waiting for him to come in. Dean notices Sam fidgets the entire time he eats his cereal, and the second he’s drained his coffee cup he picks up his phone and taps out a text message. Dean’s eyeing him cautiously while he pours a second cup of coffee when there’s a knock on the door.

Sam jumps up immediately and hurries over to pull it open. Dean watches in awe as an entire camera crew comes walking through their front door and into the kitchen. He’s about to ask what the fuck is going on when he recognizes the next two people who walk through the door.

Nev and Max from MTV’s reality show, _Catfish_.

“Sam? Nice to meet you. I’m Nev, and this is Max,” Nev says, shaking his brother’s hand.

“Thanks so much for coming. This is my brother, Dean,” Sam says, taking a step back and gesturing to him.

“Hey, Dean, nice to meet you,” Nev says, sticking his hand out for a handshake. Dean shakes his hand, then Max's - more out of a sense of shock that these guys are actually standing in his kitchen than anything - then quickly turns to aim a glare at his brother.

“Sam I swear to god,” he threatens.

“Dean, come on, don't be mad. I'm worried about you! You stay home all the time and don't even see anybody else because all you do is talk to this girl! This has been going on for more than a year and you’ve never even Skyped!”

“That’s none of your damn business!” Dean shouts at him.

“Hey, hey, hey, let’s all just take a breather and sit down and talk about this, okay?” Nev says.

Dean folds his arms across his chest. “Why the hell would I want to do that?”

“Because we can help you meet Cas," Max answers.

And yeah, that shuts him up pretty fast. Because he _does_ want to meet Cas. More than anything. So he grabs his cup of coffee and slumps down into a seat. He aims one more look at Sam and says, “I can’t fucking believe you did this.”

“Okay, so obviously, you know who we are and why we’re here,” Nev starts.

“Yeah, because my brother has a big fucking mouth,” Dean answers.

“Listen, we sensor when we need to, but it’d really help us out if you could not curse every time you say something,” Nev says with a smile. Dean rolls his eyes in response. “You’re clearly more than a little pissed that Sam contacted us, but you have to know he only did it because he’s worried about you.”

“He doesn’t have any reason to worry about me. I’m his big brother and I can take care of myself,” Dean answers.

“I’m worried you’re going to get your heart broken,” Sam interjects.

“Which is still none of your business,” Dean insists.

“Why don’t you tell us about this girl you spend so much time talking to?” Max asks.

And shit. Apparently he’s coming out to his brother on national TV. Oh well. Serves Sam right. “Cas isn't a girl. He's a guy.”

“ _What?_ ” Sam asks. ”You told me Cas was a she!”

“No I didn’t. You just assumed and I just didn't correct you.”

Sam's blinking rapidly like he's trying to make sense out of this. “Since when are you into guys?”

Dean shrugs. “Since forever.”

“So you’re bisexual, Dean?” Max asks.

Dean swallows thickly before he answers, “Yeah.”

“But obviously you’re not out,” Nev finishes.

“Am now,” Dean comments dryly, earning a laugh from both Nev and Max.

“Okay, wait. What kind of name is Cas if he’s a guy?” Sam asks.

“I dunno. I never asked.”

“How have you never -” Sam begins.

“Hang on," Nev interrupts him. "Let’s back up and talk about how you guys met."

Dean sighs. “It was on this message board about classic cars. He’s got an old Lincoln, and was asking for advice about how to fix it up because he couldn’t afford a mechanic. We were replying to each other back and forth on there for a couple of weeks, then he private messaged me, and we talked there for a while until I gave him my number. We’ve been texting and calling each other ever since.”

“How often are we talking?” Nev asks.

“I dunno. All the time, I guess. Morning, breaks, lunch, before bed.”

“On the phone or texting?” Max asks.

“Both,” Dean answers.

“How long has it been?”

 _Seventeen months._ “Almost a year and a half since we started texting.”

“And you’ve never video chatted?” Nev asks. Dean shakes his head. “Why not?”

“He said he has a flip phone,” Dean responds. Max and Nev exchange a look of obvious disbelief and Dean’s back goes up automatically. “He’s not a damn catfish.”

“You know the no video chatting thing looks bad though, right?” Max asks.

Dean presses his lips into a line before he stubbornly replies, “I believe him.”

“Why haven’t you ever met?” Sam asks him.

“He lives three hours away and works two jobs six days a week. I made the drive to see him a couple of months ago, but when I got there, he didn’t answer any of my messages. I waited in a Target parking lot for like, six hours texting and calling him, then finally gave up and drove back. I was almost the whole way back here when he finally texted me and told me his brother got arrested, and that’s why he couldn’t meet me.”

“And you _actually_ believe that? That his brother just conveniently got arrested the day you drove down there?” Sam asks. "Come on!"

Dean shrugs. “From everything I’ve ever heard about his brother, it sounded exactly like something he’d do.”

“What’s so special about this guy?” Nev asks suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Dean replies.

“You’re 21. You’re good looking enough to be a model, you’ve got a good job, a nice apartment, and you’re bi, which opens up the dating pool even wider. You could be spending your weekends with whoever you want and have a real relationship with somebody you’ve actually met, but instead, you’ve been choosing to be alone and talk to this guy on the phone. So. Why is he so special?” Nev repeats.

Dean rubs the back of his neck nervously. “I dunno. I never really wanted to be in a relationship before, you know? I never found anybody I was interested in enough to want to try. Now I did."  
  
"Why him?" Max asks.  
  
"Cas is smart, and the hardest worker I know. He has the snarkiest, driest sense of humor, and he makes me laugh every time we talk. He doesn’t push me to have these chick flick moments, either. Like asking me about how I feel or what it is we have between us or anything like that. He just takes what I can give him and makes me feel like it's enough exactly the way it is. He doesn’t want me to be anything more than what I am, either.”

“Do you love him?” Nev asks softly.

Dean shrugs like it's not a big question, but his face betrays him by heating up. How many times has he asked himself that same question? “I don’t know. I know that I could, though.”

“You think he’s real?” Sam asks.

“Yes,” Dean answers immediately.

“Okay, let’s go through what you’ve got and we’ll do our thing and see if you’re right. The no video chatting and him not meeting you when you had plans makes me a little suspicious,” Nev says. Dean gets the feeling he's trying to warn him, but he's really not worried about it.

“Then when we figure out it’s actually him, you’ll take me to him?” Dean checks.

“As long as he’s willing,” Max responds.

“Alright,” Dean agrees.

Nev pulls out his lap top and Max stands behind him holding his little camera, which honestly, Dean doesn’t get the point of when there’s three other ginormous cameras in the kitchen already. A minute later, the laptop’s booted up and Nev starts the questions.

“Full name?”

“I, uh, don’t know. Just Cas with one s and his last initial is a N.”

“You’ve been talking to this guy for a year and a half and you don’t know his last name?” Sam asks in disbelief.

“What difference does it make?” Dean argues.

He wants to punch Sam when he exchanges another _look_ with Nev.

“What does it say on his Facebook page?” Nev asks.

“He doesn’t have one,” Dean answers.

Neither Sam or Nev even bother to try to repress their eye rolls, and now Dean’s kinda pissed.

“You know what? Cas is like, the one person my age who isn’t obsessed with Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr and all that other shit online and I actually _like that_ about him so if you could quit rolling your damn eyes for five fucking seconds that'd be great.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’m sorry. I know you care about him and I’ll try to be more open minded,” Sam says, earning a small nod from Dean. He’s at least trying.

“What’s his phone number?” Max asks.

Dean reads it off his phone and Nev types it into his computer. “Hmm. Registered to a G. Novak.”

“His brother’s name is Gabriel,” Dean offers. _Novak._ Is Cas’s last name Novak?

“Okay, that’s not out of the realm of possibility then. Family members share phone plans sometimes,” Nev admits.

“And Cas told me his phone used to be Gabriel’s. He gets weird phone calls on it all the time,” Dean says with a smile, remembering how often that comes up.

“Okay. Let’s run that name and see what we get,” Nev suggests. “Got a hit. A Gabriel Novak in Hutchinson, Kansas. That where he live?”

“Yep. Told you he’s real,” Dean says smugly.

Nev points to the screen. “Is this Cas’s brother?”

Dean leans over to look at the picture but honestly has no idea. He doesn’t look anything like Cas. “No clue. He don’t look like Cas though.”

“People could say the same thing about us,” Sam says to Dean, and Dean smiles at him gratefully for being on his side again.

“Well, Gabriel has a Facebook page, so let’s see if he’s said anything about a brother,” Max says, and Dean watches as Nev scrolls through a page full of pictures of partying. “He posts a lot.”

“And has a ton of friends, but no other Novaks,” Nev adds.

“Told you he doesn’t have a Facebook page,” Dean repeats. But then he sees a glimpse of what he looks like Cas in one of the pictures. “Hey, go back for a sec,” Dean says, and Nev clicks back quickly. There’s a picture of Gabriel and some girl with a guy in the background that looks just like Cas. “That looks like Cas.”

“This guy?” Nev asks, hovering over him with the mouse. The name _James Novak_ pops up. “It’s tagged as somebody else.”

“And somebody Gabriel isn’t Friends with anymore,” Max adds.

Of course, Nev clicks on the link, and Dean’s heart clogs in his throat when his profile loads. James’s Profile Picture is him in a suit holding a woman in a wedding dress bridal style in his arms. Dean just blinks at it, his mind unable to make sense of what he's seeing. There’s no way.

"I guess we know why he said he didn't have a Facebook page," Nev comments.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam says quietly.

Dean shakes his head in denial. “No. It’s impossible. There’s no fucking way that’s Cas. There’s no way we can talk as often as we do on the phone if he’s married. Every single night, Sam. Different times every day. We fall asleep on the phone sometimes and I hear him wake up the next morning _alone_ ,” Dean explains.

“Then maybe he took this guy’s pictures and is pretending to be him?” Max says.

It's quiet for a minute while that seems to sink in with everybody. Dean's gut feeling is still saying no, but...

“Hang on, this picture is more than two years old,” Nev says suddenly. “Maybe he _was_ married?”

Dean shakes his head, still in complete denial. “He wasn’t.”

“Maybe he just didn’t tell you,” Max says.

“No. He wouldn’t do that to me,” Dean insists.

“Can we see the pictures you have of him?” Sam asks.

“I only have three. His camera phone is broken so he gets his brother to take pictures and emails them to me, but his brother always makes fun of him for it for weeks so he doesn’t like to ask often,” Dean explains. He pulls them up and lets all three of them look at them.

“Well, that’s obviously the same guy from the picture on Facebook, but he looks older,” Sam says.

“His page is locked down. We can’t see anything else on here. There aren’t even comments on this picture, which is weird if it’s a wedding photo,” Nev says.

“Do a search for James Novak on Google,” Max suggests.

“Oh shit, there’s an obituary,” Nev says, clicking on it. “James Novak, 24, passed away unexpectedly after a car accident earlier this week. Blah blah blah. James will be missed by many, including his wife, his parents, and his two loving brothers,” Nev reads. “Two brothers? Did Cas ever mention having another brother? Maybe a twin brother?”

Dean shakes his head as the wheels start turning in his mind. “No. But maybe if he died, he doesn’t like talking about it."

“That’s a possibility,” Nev concedes. “But it’s also possible somebody else took pictures of James and is sending them to you pretending to be Cas.”

“But then how is the guy in Cas's pictures older?” Sam asks.

“Yeah. If James died when he was 24, he can’t have photos of him looking older,” Max agrees. “So Cas must be James’s twin brother.”

“But why did he never tell you he had a twin?” Sam questions.

Dean shakes his head. The lie of omission hurts, he can’t deny that. He thought he knew Cas so well, and now he finds out he had a sibling, a _twin_ sibling that he never even mentioned? Not once in all of the times they’ve talked in almost a year and a half? Why?

“I guess that’s something I’ll have to ask him about,” Dean answers.

“Well, from what little we can find about him online, it looks like he could be who he says he is. But that still doesn’t explain why he bailed on you when you tried to meet him and why he never video calls you,” Nev says.

Dean just continues to shake his head slowly, because he already knows the answer to both of those questions and it’s not his problem if Nev and Max don’t believe him.

“He could be exactly who he says he is,” Max offers.

“I think the only thing left to do now is call him and see if he’s willing to meet us,” Nev says, leaning back in his chair. “What do you think?”

“Can I call him? I don’t want him to think I don’t believe he is who he says he is,” Dean explains.

“That’s not usually how we do things, but sure, why not,” Nev answers.

“Do I have to do it here?”

“We’d like to film it,” Max replies. He also tells Dean that if Cas can make it happen, they’d like to drive there to see him tomorrow. They explain they’ll take their SUV and pay for all expenses, including a date for he and Cas if everything works out once they meet.

Dean feels nervous about calling Cas when everybody can hear him, but he hits speaker on his phone and gives him a call anyway.

“Good morning, Dean. I was beginning to think you forgot about me,” Cas teases him. “Did you sleep in?”

“No. Well, kinda. But, uh, Sam sorta did a thing,” Dean says awkwardly, throwing his brother under the bus right away.

“Okay,” Cas says cautiously. “What did he do?”

“You, uh, ever hear of the MTV show Catfish?”

There’s a long beat of silence before Cas answers, “Oh. Yes. Is that what Sam did? He thinks I’m catfishing you?”

“I’m sorry, Cas. He didn’t think you were real, and he was worried about me spending all my time at home talking to you instead of going out and spending time with people face to face. But it isn’t that _I_ didn’t believe you,” he tries to explain. “You know that, right?”

“I know you’ve had your doubts, and I understand them, but I also know you wouldn’t have called a TV show about this.” There’s another pause, and Dean just knows Cas has more to say, so he waits. “Is it fair to assume your brother now knows I’m not a woman?”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, that came out pretty fast.”

“Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

Dean’s heart swells in his chest. _This_ kind of thing is exactly why he cares about him so much. “I’m okay. He, uh, didn’t really say anything so I’m thinkin’ he doesn’t really care.” He spares his brother a quick look to see him looking back at him with an exaggerated eye roll, which Dean interprets as,  _Duh._

He can hear the smile in Cas’s voice when he says, “I told you he wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right again. Gold star for you,” Dean teases, smiling just because he knows Cas probably is. “So the Catfish guys, Nev and Max, ran you and everything, and they think you are who you say you are, and they wanna pay for everything so we can meet in person. Tomorrow,” Dean tells him, his heart in his throat.

“I'm sorry, Dean. I work until two tomorrow and I need that shift," Cas says sadly. Dean's heart drops to the floor. He's really going to say no  _now_? Really? Then Cas keeps talking, "But if you can come to me, we can spend the afternoon together afterwards."

Relief floods his body so quickly he feels almost lightheaded. Dean finally looks up to make eye contact with the guys and shares a smile with them. “Really?” he asks Cas, suddenly kinda short on breath.

“I never would have asked you to spend that much time on the road just for a few hours with me regularly…” Cas starts.

“I want to, though. I really wanna see you,” he confesses, feeling a blush spread across his cheeks again.

“I really want to see you, too. Tomorrow?”

Dean can’t even begin to wipe the smile off of his face. “Yeah. I can’t believe this,” he breathes.

“I’ll text you an address where we can meet, okay?”

“That’s great. Shit. I’m excited and really freaking nervous,” Dean admits.

“I already like you exactly the way you are. You have nothing to be nervous about,” Cas promises him.

Dean knows he’s blushing even harder now and he really hopes the cameras don’t pick up on that. How embarrassing. “Yeah, we’ll see, I guess. I’ll text you when there aren’t a million cameras on me, okay?”

“I’m working 12-4 and 5-10, but you know I’ll answer you when I can. Don’t overthink this, Dean. It’s just me,” Cas says again.

“Thanks, ba- Cas,” Dean stumbles, cutting off the endearment before it slipped out entirely in front of everybody. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

Dean hangs up and tries not to look embarrassed about the way he and Cas talk to each other.

“Well that was adorable,” Sam says, grinning at him.

“Shut up,” Dean says quickly.

“I have to say, it sounds like he cares about you,” Nev says to Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, not knowing what else to say.

“Maybe this can be one of our happily ever after stories,” Max says to Nev.

“I hope so,” Nev replies. Then he closes the lid on his laptop with a flourish. “I think our job here is done for today.”

They make plans for Nev and Max to pick them up tomorrow morning, and once the camera crews take off with Nev and Max trailing behind them, Dean levels his brother with a hard stare.

“I know you’re pissed -" Sam begins.

“Pissed is an understatement,” Dean cuts him off.

“But I was worried about you, Dean!”

“Did you ever think about, oh I don’t know, _asking me_ _about it_ instead of volunteering me for a TV show?” Dean says, raising his voice slightly because of his anger.

“Yeah, because you definitely would have told me all about the guy you’ve been pretending was a girl for the last year!” Sam says back sarcastically.

“Because it’s none of your business!”

“You’re the only family I have left and you think it’s none of my business if you’re getting lied to by some jerk?” Sam asks him.

 _The only family I have left_ strikes a chord with Dean and he takes a deep breath to try and calm himself down. “I know I’m all you’ve got, Sam. You’re all I’ve got, too. But my friendship or whatever you wanna call it with Cas has nothing to do with you.”

“I’ve heard you talking to him about moving away to be closer to him,” Sam says quietly. “I just didn’t want you to leave everything you have here behind if he’s not as into you as you are to him.”

“It’s not like that,” Dean argues.

Sam gives him an annoyed look. “Come on, Dean. I know you like this guy, but something doesn’t add up. Sure, he might be who he says he is, but if he only lives three hours away why has he only tried to meet you that one time? You’re free every single weekend. You could drive there and back in a day easily. There’s obviously still something keeping him from meeting you, and you might be too blinded by hope to see that, but I’m not.”

“You ever think something doesn’t add up to you because you don’t know know the whole story  _because_ it has nothing to do with you? It’s not just Cas, okay!” Dean says.

“What do you mean?”

“I never offered to go back,” Dean explains begrudgingly. At the confused look from Sam, he elaborates. Reluctantly. “I felt like such an ass last time after I sat there waiting for him in a fucking parking lot for six hours. I felt like a loser. I had it all built up in my head that I’d see him and it’d be love at first sight or whatever, and then all I thought when he didn't answer me was that he didn’t want anything to do with me. I - I cried that day more than I’ve cried in years. It killed me, okay? But, fuck,” Dean curses, running his hand through his short hair. “I need him. There’s just something about him that makes me feel better - feel _right_ , you know? - whenever we talk. And for a while, I guess I convinced myself that even if it wasn't true that his brother was arrested and he just didn't want to meet me like I wanted to meet him, I just didn’t care. Because I’d rather have him the way I have him than not have him at all. I knew if I asked to meet him again and he bailed I’d never get over it, so I just never asked.”

Sam shakes his head in confusion. “So you were just going to never meet him? Keep talking to him like this and be alone other than him forever?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. He makes me happy.”

“I get that, but come on. You’re 21 and as far as I know, you haven’t even hooked up with anybody in what - six months because of this guy?”

More like over a year, but Sam doesn’t need to know that. “He didn’t ask me to do that. We’ve never even talked about that kind of thing.”

“So he could be out sleeping with other people and you don’t even know? Or care?” Sam prods him.

“‘Course I care, but I’m not going to ask him not to just because I have a crush on him from three hours away.”

“I wish you knew you were worth asking more of him,” Sam says quietly and Dean just scoffs. “What happens when you meet tomorrow?”

Dean shrugs. “I dunno. There’s still months before we can be together for real, so I don’t know that meeting will make any difference. That’s why I wasn’t pushing for now.”

“For what it’s worth, I should’ve tried talking to you about it before I emailed Nev and Max,” Sam says quietly.

“Yeah, well, you’re probably right that I wouldn’t have answered you about it anyway. And I guess the plus side of all this is that I finally get to meet him tomorrow. Guess I can’t hold a grudge against you for that.” He checks his watch and sees he has twenty minutes before Cas is going to have to leave for work. “I’m gonna go to my room for a bit.”

“Tell Cas I say hi,” Sam jokes, and Dean gives him the finger before he closes the door.

 

 **DEAN:** I’m so sorry, baby.

 **CAS:** Please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I’m just happy I finally get to see you :)

 **DEAN:** Yeah. I gotta say, part of me thought it was never gonna happen

 **CAS:** Really? All this talk about wanting me to hold you and you never actually thought it was going to happen?

 **DEAN:** Still don’t think THAT'S really going to happen lol

 **CAS:** You don’t think you’ll be attracted to me when we meet in person?

 **DEAN:** What? No. That’s not what I meant. I’ve literally never thought that once. I already know I’m into you. I just don’t want to get my hopes up that you’ll feel the same way.

 **CAS:** I already do feel the same way. You could show up tomorrow looking like the Ogre from Shrek and I’d still want to be with you.

 **DEAN:** omg Cas, the ogre in Shrek IS Shrek, you loser hahahaha

 **CAS:** *shrugs* At least I got the right movie :D

 **CAS:** And my point still stands.

 **DEAN:** I just can’t believe that everything’s gonna work out like that. But it’s not you, it’s me.

 **CAS:** Maybe you’ll believe me when Nev and Max have to pry me off of you with a crowbar when it comes time to leave :)

 **DEAN:** If you’re wrapped around me that tightly you’re gonna get to know certain parts of me REAL well hahaha

 **CAS:** I wouldn't be opposed to that ;)

 _Holy shit._ Cas is actually straight up flirting with him. Coming on to him, even. And he has no idea how to reply.

 **CAS:** I’m sorry. That was too forward.

 **DEAN:** No, that aint it. I just didn’t know for sure til now that THAT was the kind of thing you were hoping for tomorrow.

 **CAS:** I’m not going to ask you to jump into bed the first day we meet, Dean. But it’s not as if I can say I’ve never thought about you in that way. I realize now I was being too optimistic in thinking you had similar intentions towards me, and I apologize for that.

 **DEAN:** No, you weren’t being too optimistic. I definitely think that way about you. We just never talked about it. Didn’t know if it was okay to bring it up.

 **CAS:** Okay. Well, to be incredibly clear, when we meet tomorrow and have the same connection in person as we do every other way (and notice I say when and not if), I want to be able to hold your hand, and pull you into my arms, and I’m going to try for a kiss goodbye if you let me do everything else.

 **DEAN:** Um. Yeah. Wow. Okay. If you thought I was nervous before…

 **CAS:** ha :) you’re adorable. You'll have to be very clear with letting me know if you’re not interested when we meet. I would love to be close to you but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Promise me?

 **DEAN:** I promise.

 **CAS:** Good! Also, full disclosure: I might be a little rusty when it comes to kissing. I haven't kissed anybody in a very long time.

Dean can actually feel his heart inflate in his chest.

 **DEAN:** Really?

 **CAS:** You thought I’ve been spending the last year getting to know you better and making out with somebody else on the side?

 **DEAN:** I tried not to think about it, but whenever I did I just told myself I didn’t want you to be lonely.

 **CAS:** That's a very sweet way of looking at it. But does that mean that you…?

 **DEAN:** I haven’t been with anybody or even wanted to be with anybody but you in more than a year.

 **CAS:** You must have been beating people away with a stick ;)

 **DEAN:** Nah, just telling them I was taken worked most of the time

 **CAS:** I hope you don’t mind that I like the way that sounds :) Do you tell everybody that?

 **DEAN:** No… but only because I was always too afraid to say it without meeting you first. It’d be embarrassing if I told everybody we’re together and then you turn out to be a sixty year old man, you know?

 **CAS:** Ha! Yes, I understand. But I will assure you one final time that I am exactly who I say I am. And I can’t wait to prove it to you tomorrow :)

 **DEAN:** Listen. When Max and Nev did their search online they found some stuff that I didn’t know about you. And that’s fine, because there’s no rule that said you had to tell me every detail of your life before we even meet. All I’m saying is just… please don’t break my heart, Cas.

 **CAS:** I don’t know what you found, but I promise I can explain anything. And when it comes to your heart, I’m hoping to win it, not break it <3 I’m not-so-secretly hoping to get rid of the (not) in my current title :)

Dean laughs, knowing Cas is talking about how they call each other (not) boyfriend all the time as a joke. They both hate the idea of referring to each other as  _friend_ because they both feel so much more towards the other than that, but Dean was reluctant to put the boyfriend title there without even meeting him first. So they had settled on (not) boyfriend between the two of them and it always makes Dean smile when Cas says it.   
  
Then suddenly nerves twist almost painfully in his stomach when what Cas just said sinks in. Cas wants to be his boyfriend if things go well tomorrow. It’s what he’s really wanted but has been too afraid to acknowledge for a very long time. Knowing he could get it is almost overwhelming.

 **DEAN:** How would we even make that work? You know I can’t be there with you all the time until August at the very earliest.

 **CAS:** It’s worked out fine so far :) Don’t worry so much. Some things are worth waiting for.

 **DEAN:** You always know exactly the right thing to say <3

 **CAS:** Let’s hope I don’t get too tongue tied tomorrow from looking at you and I can keep that up in person :) I have to go to work now, but I’ll text you on my break to make sure you’re not freaking out too much.

 **DEAN:** Yeah, you know that’s unlikely lol Take it easy at work, okay? Save your biggest smiles for me for tomorrow. You know how cute I think they make you look :)

 **CAS:** Wearing one right now because of you :) Talk soon, Dean xoxoxo


	2. Chapter 2

To say the rest of the day and the entire night drags by would be an understatement. The understatement of the century, in fact.

He slept like shit.

He tossed and turned well into the morning, and when he finally managed to fall asleep, he woke several times worrying he was going to oversleep and miss Nev and Max coming to pick them up. When he eventually gave up on sleeping (or _not_ sleeping) it's barely eight o'clock. He drinks almost a whole pot of coffee trying to trick his body into letting him feel human, but barely manages to keep a single piece of toast down because his nerves are making him feel like he’s gonna hurl.

After he gives up on eating, he gets dressed in a worn pair of jeans that hug him in all the right places (without being uncomfortably tight for a few hours stuck in somebody else’s car), and a grey Metallica t-shirt he hopes will make Cas think about all the times they’ve talked about music. When Nev and Max show up, he feels like he's going to throw up all over again, and spends most of the trip brooding in the front seat.

Dean texts Cas when they get to Hutchinson to tell him they’re in his city, and tries to act like his hands aren’t shaking and his stomach isn't in knots when he waits for a reply. He doesn’t want to think about how absolutely mortifying it would be if Cas stands him up again. Thankfully, he only has to wait seconds before Cas replies with the name of a park, asking them to meet him there at quarter after two. He also gets a much needed _relax <3 _ from him and he feels a tiny bit of his nerves dissipate for the first time since he woke up.

They make a pit stop to use the bathroom and grab a couple of snacks (which he still can't eat) and drinks before they drive to the park. He lets the camera crew pick out a picnic table with the best lighting for him to wait at, but lasts less than thirty seconds sitting there before he’s up on his feet again and actually starts pacing like a stereotypical idiot.

Sam, Nev, and Max gave up trying to talk to him the second they got to the park. He wasn’t listening to what they said anyway, and after repeating themselves several times, they just all silently agreed to leave him alone.

Dean's eyes are glued to the entrance of the park. Many cars drive by, but none of them are Cas's Lincoln, then a city bus drives past and his phone buzzes with a text.

 **CAS:** Here goes nothing.

His heart leaps into his throat, he looks up at the entrance again, and then he sees him.

He’s quite a distance away, but not just anybody has a mop of perfectly messed up hair like Cas does.

“Somebody’s coming,” Nev comments.

“Is that him?” Max asks.

“Yeah, it’s him,” Dean answers.

For the first time pretty much all day, he doesn’t feel like he’s going to throw up. Of course, that’s probably because he’s losing all feeling in his body as Cas keeps walking steadily towards him. He’s wearing a pair of tan colored khakis and a black long sleeve, button down shirt, but it’s rolled up to just below his elbows. Dean can’t stop staring at his hair - that artfully tousled, soft-looking hair that he’s thought about running his fingers through for more than a year. Then Dean gets a glimpse of the small, shy smile on Cas’s face when he’s about twenty feet away. He feels a pull in his stomach and he starts moving towards him.

He takes a few tentative steps and his heart starts racing so fast it’s bordering on painful before he takes off into a quick walk - and within seconds - he’s _there_.

Their eyes meet for the first time and Cas can hardly hide his smile when he says, “Hello, Dean.”

Dean doesn’t think before he reacts. He just reaches out and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling him close to his body with his hands clutching onto his lower back, and he buries his nose in the curve of his neck. And _oh god_. After waiting for so long, now he knows: this is what Cas feels like in his arms. This is what it feels like when Cas’s arms loop around his neck, and this is what it feels like when his hard body is pressed against his. This is what it feels like to finally touch him. This is what Cas smells like. He knows who he is on the inside, knows him better than he knows almost anybody, but he didn’t know any of these things about what it’s like to be with him face to face and his mind can barely make space to fit all of this new information in because he’s so busy thinking is _Cas, Cas, Cas,_ finally, _Cas_.

“You’re real,” is the first thing that comes out of Dean’s mouth. It’s said in some kind of mixture of a laugh and a sob, and then he’s squeezing his eyes closed so that he doesn’t start bawling on national television.

“I did tell you so,” Cas answers in that low, rough voice he knows so well. And then Dean realizes he can still hear the smile in his voice and wants to see it for real again, so he pulls back to get a better look at his face.

“ _Oh_ ,” is what comes out next, in an awe-filled, reverent tone of voice, and Dean officially wishes he had a foot to shove in his mouth to shut him up so he’d stop embarrassing himself. But _oh_ is accurate as fuck because Cas is absolutely breathtaking and he can’t help it if his brain forgot how to put words together to tell him that.

Cas’s eyes are more blue than anything Dean’s ever seen in his life - making him think about oceans and waves and the deep blue sea - and so full of emotion and heat and kindness that Dean can barely stand to hold eye contact for more than a second at a time. He lets his gaze drop to the five o’clock shadow (that Cas somehow already has at two o’clock) covering the chiseled line of his jaw, and then he finds himself staring at two pink, uncomfortably dry-looking, perfectly plump lips. He licks his own lips in an unconscious response, wondering absentmindedly how in the hell the man standing in front of him could possibly be real _and_ want anything to do with him.

“Not a single photo you sent me adequately prepared me for how unfairly attractive you really are, Dean,” Cas says, which immediately makes him blush right to the tips of his ears. Cas’s smile spreads and he lifts his hand as if he’s going to touch Dean’s face and his heart races impossibly faster as his insides turn to goo, but then Cas stops himself with his hand halfway there, and awkwardly shoves his hands into his pockets instead.

“ _Dean,"_ Sam grunts from behind him. Sam! _Shit!_  He totally forgot about everything except for being this close to Cas. He’s about to mumble an apology when Sam continues in a harsh whisper, “ _Say something back, you idiot!_ ”

Cas doesn’t even try to cover the huff of laughter that comes out of him, and it’s such a familiar sound that Dean remembers who he’s standing in front of.

“Oh. Right. You’re gorgeous, Cas,” Dean says, finally finding appropriate words, and he even aims a full watt smile in Cas’s direction. He’s pleased when a blush spreads across Cas’s face as well, and he’s never wanted to kiss somebody’s cheeks so badly in his entire life. Then Cas reaches out to take his hand, their fingers slot together like they were made to do just that, and Dean understands the sentiment behind the saying  _walking on air_ for the first time in his life.

“Is this okay?” Cas asks nervously. All Dean can do is nod and smile because he’s afraid if he opens his mouth all of the millions of butterflies in his stomach might come flying out.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever felt less needed on my own show, but Cas? I’m Nev. Thanks for coming,” Nev says, interrupting their moment and sticking out a hand to shake Cas’s. Cas has to drop Dean’s hand to shake Nev’s, and Dean hates Nev with a passion pretty much immediately.

“Thank you for arranging this,” Cas replies. Then he shakes hands with Max, and turns towards Sam to shake his hand, too. “Sam. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Same, Cas. Nice to put a face to a name,” Sam answers.

Sam’s barley taken a step back when Dean feels Cas press his palm against his again before their fingers fold together, and he feels a lot less irritated with Nev than he did a second ago.

“Let’s take a seat and have a chat,” Nev suggests, and Dean follows along because now he just wants to get this part of the show over with so he can talk to Cas without all the cameras.

As they walk towards the table, Cas says low enough that only he can hear him, “I like your choice of shirt,” and Dean feels the simple comment fill him up like air in a balloon.

“Was hoping you would,” he confesses, and Cas squeezes his hand a little tighter, which makes Dean blush again.

They sit beside each other on the picnic table, and it’s Cas who moves over until their thighs are pressed together, and Cas who pulls Dean’s hand, still holding his, into his lap. And Dean knows he’s grinning like an idiot now, but he can’t stop - doesn’t even want to stop - because right now he has pretty much everything he’s been trying not to dream about since he realized how much he likes Cas and he’s sure he's never been this happy.

“So we just have a couple of questions for you before we let you and Dean get better acquainted with each other,” Nev begins, and Cas nods his head in response. “Can we see your phone?”

Cas answers with an adorable sideways smile, leaning back some so he can get his hand into his pocket, before pulling out a flip phone - a _Razr_ , if Dean remembers correctly - and placing it on the table.

“May I?” Nev asks, and Cas nods. Nev takes it, flips it open, and shakes his head in amusement while he presses some buttons. “You’ve really been texting Dean on this for a year?”

“Yes. It was my older brother’s old phone, and when he bought a new one, I just took over this one and have had it ever since,” Cas explains.

Nev looks torn between sad and amused when he says, “There’s not even a keyboard.” He looks over at Max, “Remember when you had to press number two three times for a c?”

“I actually had a phone like this years ago,” Max explains. “You still text like that?”

“There’s a predictive text function,” Cas replies. “You press the numbers and it guesses on the words based on which buttons you’ve pressed. But sometimes I have to type out a word like that, yes.”

“Sometimes we text for hours. Your fingers must’ve been ready to fall off,” Dena comments, wondering how in the world he could answer him so quickly.

Cas bumps his shoulder against Dean’s and responds, “It was worth it.”

Dean looks down at the table, trying to hide his smile, but really only makes himself look like a bashful teenager. God, he’s so screwed.

“Camera really broken?” Max asks, prompting Nev to turn the phone over and point to the visible crack in the lens. “Guess that answers that.”

“Can I ask something?” Sam pipes up, and Dean automatically gets a little tense because he knows Sam doesn’t exactly hold back.

“Sure,” Cas answers.

“What’s Cas short for? Or is it just Cas?” Sam asks.

“It’s short for Castiel,” he responds. _Castiel_. Dean rolls the name around in his head and, not surprisingly, finds he likes it. “I was named after an angel.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Dean hears himself say, and he earns himself yet another smile from Cas for that. A small, soft one that matches the look in his eyes and makes Dean’s heart skip a beat.

“And you really don’t have any social media pages?” Sam asks.

“None. I don’t have a computer, and my phone is too old to have those kinds of apps on it. Whenever I need a computer, I visit the library. That’s how I accessed the message board Dean and I met on, and how I email him photos the few times I was brave enough to ask my brother to take them of me,” Cas explains.

“Obviously there was no other reason he wouldn’t want to send pictures. Look at him,” Dean grins.

“You’re one to talk,” Cas teases.

“Yeah, but I sent you pictures whenever you asked for them,” Dean reminds him.

“And you better be prepared to send them daily now that I know you’ve been holding out on me,” Cas replies.

“Is your last name Novak?” Max cuts in. Cas visibility flinches and looks at the cameras. “We’ll sensor your last name on TV,” Max explains.

Cas sighs. “Yes.”

“Okay, well, when we were trying to find out if you were who you said you were, we stumbled on your brother Gabriel’s Facebook page. And Dean recognized you in the background of one of Gabriel’s pictures, but when we clicked on the tag, it wasn’t tagged as you,” Nev says.

Dean can literally feel Cas tense beside him, and whatever his reason was for not telling him that he had a twin suddenly doesn’t matter at all in compared to keeping Cas from reacting _like this_.

“Hang on a second,” Dean says quickly, stopping any further interrogation. “Do we have to do this on camera?”

Nev and Max exchange a look. “Honestly? We kinda do. This episode has had pretty much no drama, and we need to make it seem more interesting.”

“Fuck the episode!” Dean says angrily. “Cas is a person, not just some character for your TV show. This is obviously upsetting for him and he doesn’t have to say shit if he doesn’t want to.” Then he turns to Cas. “You know that right?”

“You are an incredibly sweet man, you know that?” Cas says to Dean with a small smile. But then his smile fades entirely when he says. “I’m assuming where you’re going with this is that the photo was tagged as Jimmy?”

“James Novak, yeah,” Nev answers. Cas nods, but he doesn’t say anything else, so after a heavy silence Nev says, “We actually found a picture of him with his wife, and thought it was you and that you were secretly married.”

Cas whips his head to turn towards Dean, his mouth open to explain before Dean shakes his head. “I didn’t think that. They did,” he tells him.

“He’s right,” Sam confirms. “Even looking at a picture of what looked like you holding a woman in a wedding dress in his arms, he said it was impossible and that you would have told him if you were married.”

“I would have,” Cas answers.

“But you didn’t tell him about your brother,” Max points out.

Cas’s lips are pressed into a tight line, and Dean absolutely hates the way his shoulders have slumped and his grip has tightened on his hand. “I’m not mad at you, babe,” Dean whispers, then winces when he hears the endearment slip out of his mouth. “Cas, sorry,” he corrects, clearing his throat like an idiot. “I’m not mad at you,” he says again. “I understand that it’s probably really hard to talk about.”

Cas nods, takes a deep breath and answers, “Jimmy was my twin brother. He died in a car accident almost three years ago. It’s still extremely difficult to talk about.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Nev says, at least sounding sincere.

“I can’t even imagine how hard that would be,” Sam says. “But I don't understand how that never came up in more than a year when you talk to my brother all day long.”

“It’s actually quite easy not to bring up something that calls attention to the gaping hole inside of me when I was talking to the only person who’s ever even started to make me think I might some day feel whole again,” Cas answers quietly.

Dean’s heart simultaneously breaks for him and fills for himself, knowing he was able to make Cas feel good when he must still be in so much pain. “Cas,” he sighs, rubbing his thumb back and forth across the back of his hand, not knowing what else he can do to comfort him in front of everybody and the cameras.

“I’m sorry I lied to you, Dean,” he says softly.

“You didn’t lie."

“I lied by omission,” Cas clarifies. “Because it was easier for me to bury myself in feeling okay again for the first time in three years than to bring him up and feel all the pain again.”

“I don’t blame you for that,” Dean promises. “And we don’t have to talk about it anymore in front of everybody else. You answered their questions. That’s more than enough.” Dean glares at Max and Nev across from him, daring them to say anything different.

“He’s right,” Nev says. “Thank you for telling us.”

“Is there anything else either of you haven’t been entirely honest about that you’d like us to be here for while you clear the air?” Max asks.

“Nothing,” both he and Cas say in harmony.

“Wait!” Sam says. “I didn’t know Cas was so much older than you. You’re what? 27, Cas?”

“I’ll be 27 in June,” he answers.  

Sam nods his head but Dean sees him mouth _six years_ to Nev. Whatever. Six years is nothing.

“Okay. Well, if that’s it, I think we’ll go back to the car and give you guys a little bit of time to talk just the two of you. Would that be alright?” Nev asks.

“Yes, please, that would be great,” Cas answers while Dean nods his agreement.

“We’ll give the cameras a half hour with you, then if things keep going well, we can send you out without them for a little while,” Max offers.

Max, Nev, and Sam all get to their feet, walking over to shake Cas’s hand again, one by one, and they all exchange _nice to meet yous_ for what feels like forever until he and Cas are left alone at the picnic table... well, alone with three camera men and a couple of sound guys surrounding them.

He and Cas turn towards one another immediately and Dean has to fight not to gasp when he feels Cas’s hand warm on his thigh, sending what feels like electricity running through his veins. 

“Dean, I’m so sorry,” Cas says in a whisper, his eyes wide and looking haunted.

Dean lifts his hands to cup his face, wanting to comfort him, and Cas closes his eyes and leans into the touch, letting out a shuddering sigh. “I get it, Cas. We don’t have to talk about that in front the cameras, okay?”

Cas nods, and Dean reluctantly takes his hands away. Cas’s eyes pop open and a shy smile comes to his face. “I can’t believe you’re real,” Cas breathes.

“ _Me?_ ” Dean says with a laugh. “You’re the one who’s sent me three pictures in a year and a half and has no social media pages.”

Cas just smiles. “You’re the one who looks like a model. I thought the general rule was that if you talk to a person as good looking as you are on the internet, they automatically have to be catfish?”

“Well, I’ve never really been one for following all the rules,” Dean answers with a grin.

Cas looks down at their hands, which are still entwined between them. “Is _this_ real, Dean?” he asks, looking between them so Dean knows what he means.

Dean’s heart starts racing all over again. “Feels real to me,” he answers cautiously.

“Are you attracted to me?” Cas asks.

Dean grins again. “I thought that would’ve been obvious when I forgot how to talk from just looking at you.”

“I just wanted to be really sure before I embarrass myself,” Cas responds with a smile of his own. “Do you have feelings for me?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers on a sigh. “I have all along. For a really long time, anyway. I was just too scared to come right out and say it in case you weren’t real.”

“I told you that I was,” Cas reminds him.

“Which is exactly what you would’ve said if you weren’t,” Dean argues, making Cas laugh a little.

“In case it wasn’t already clear, I’m extremely attracted to you, and I have feelings for you as well. I care about you very much.”

Dean’s heart is beating so fast he actually feels a bit lightheaded. “Me, too.”

“Please tell me if I’m being too forward, but I would really like to kiss you if that’s alright with you,” Cas confesses. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever.”

“The cameras are still filming us,” Dean answers as his heart thuds in his ears.

“I don’t care if you don’t care,” Cas replies.

He does care, at least a little, but it’s nothing compared to how long he’s wanted this, and how bad he wants it right now. “Just a little one,” Dean says quietly. “I want our first _real_ kiss to be just between us.”

Cas nods his understanding before his hand runs up his spine and lands on the back of Dean’s neck, pulling him forwards until their lips press together for the first time. And until this very second, Dean didn’t totally get the whole _fireworks exploding in the background, time standing still_ first kiss thing you see in movies and read about in books. But the moment their lips touch, it’s like a spark catches fire, and he suddenly gets it.

Cas’s lips are insanely soft for how dry they look, and after they slide together a few times completely stealing Dean’s breath and most of his brain cells, Cas’s mouth opens the tiniest little bit, and Dean’s mouth mirrors his instantly. Cas keeps his tongue in his mouth, but the kiss is a little bit wetter now, and when Cas kisses him a little bit harder a deep moan is ripped from Dean’s throat.

“Oh god,” Cas says against his lips, and it’s as if the words light another spark as their bodies somehow come closer together.

Dean feels Cas’s other hand on his thigh, his fingers digging into his leg, and while one of Dean’s hands rests on Cas’s firm chest, his other hand apparently has a mind of its own and gently pushes the hem of Cas’s shirt up until he’s touching a sliver of skin on his back. “Mmmmf fuck, Cas,” Dean gasps, knowing he needs to pull away before he can’t but not at all ready to end the best kiss of his life. He splays his hand on Cas’s back, pressing his palm firmly against the arch of his lower back as their lips give and take from each other over and over.

“ _Dean,”_ Cas mumbles. Dean feels the timbre of his voice roll over his skin like a caress and finally forces himself to break their kiss and put a little bit of space between them before he climbs into his lap and wraps himself around him so tightly even the cameras won’t be able to tell them apart.

They blink at each other, both breathing hard, and Dean can feel his raging erection press harder against the fly of his jeans when he sees how flushed Cas is and the way his eyes are darker now than they were a minute ago. He hasn’t gotten this hard from a single kiss in years. He’s wound so tight and Cas looks so unbelievably fuckable that another groan comes out before he leans forwards and bangs his head on the picnic table repeatedly.

He hears Cas start to laugh beside him, and then the two of them are laughing together, leaning towards one another and bumping shoulders as their hands come back together.

“How’m I supposed to keep my hands to myself after _that_?” Dean asks once they finally stop laughing.

“Just think about how inconvenient it would be to get arrested for public indecency. That’s what I’m doing,” Cas teases.

Dean snorts at the suggestion. “And so much for rusty, by the way.”

“I guess it’s like riding a bike,” Cas answers with a cocky smile.

“Seriously. That was... somethin’,” Dean settles on.

Cas nods his agreement before his eyes dart around to the cameras. “I would like the chance to speak plainly with you without the cameras rolling,” Cas says. “I’m sure they got what they wanted anyway. Perhaps we can see if we can go somewhere alone now?” Dean knows his eyes go a little wide and Cas blushes furiously even as he chuckles a little bit. “I didn’t mean alone just you and I. I meant alone without the cameras. Maybe we can get something to eat?”

“Man after my heart,” Dean quips, and Cas seems to relax. “Let’s go, babe,” he says as they get to their feet and start walking across the park. Then he winces again. “Is it okay if I call you that?”

“You’ve been calling me that for months.”

“I know,” Dean says, his hand moving nervously on the back of his neck. “Just feels different now that we’re face to face.”

“Because now you know I’m real,” Cas finishes for him, and Dean nods. His voice sounds a little off when he continues, “I have always liked it when you use endearments for me. It made me feel special.”

“Good. You are special,” Dean says simply, swinging their hands between them.

“It feels weird to think that I was always thinking that what we had was real - that we wanted to be together - and the whole time, you were just pretending because you thought I might be somebody else,” Cas says all in a rush.

“I’m sorry, what?” Dean asks, coming to a stop.

Cas sighs. “You saying that it feels different now that we’re face to face is weird, because for me, it doesn’t feel different. Everything I said to you on the phone or through texting was meant for you. It feels strange to think you were just saying things for the sake of saying them, without fully meaning them just in case I wasn’t me.”

“But you _are_ you. You’re who I meant them for,” Dean answers, confused with this whole conversation.

Cas runs a hand through his hair and Dean’s lips twitch with the sudden discovery of why his hair’s always so messy. “I’m sorry, I’m being ridiculous. It just hurt for a second to think that you were only calling me _baby_ and talking about how you wanted to be with me for the last year because you felt like you could say it and not have to follow through in real life if I wasn’t who I said I was.”

“No, no, no. You got it all wrong, Cas. It’s not that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to follow through. It’s that I was trying not to hope I’d _get_ to follow through.” Cas tilts his head slightly to the side, and reminds him of some kind of (adorable) confused looking bird or something. “I never let myself fully believe you were real because I knew it’d kill me if you weren’t. So it’s kinda weird to finally be able to let go of that and everything feels more real, yeah, but it’s a good weird. Kinda like I can’t believe I finally get to be with you for real after all this time,” Dean tries to explain. “If I didn’t already screw it up, I guess,” he says, realizing he might’ve already made Cas mad.

“It’s going to take a lot more than a single misunderstanding to screw this up, Dean,” Cas says quickly, stepping closer and resting his hands on his chest. Dean’s hands go to his hips and he has to fight back a completely inappropriately timed wave of desire when he feels the jut of Cas’s hip bones under his thumbs. “I just wanted to know I wasn’t the only one who meant the things we said to one another before today.”

“Cas, I’ve planned my entire future around you. I have a job lined up here, I’ve got first and last and a security deposit squirrelled away, and I haven’t touched another person in more than a year all because I _hoped_ you were who you are. I don’t know how else I could possibly prove to you that I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said to you.”

Cas steps a tiny bit closer, tilts his head upwards, and Dean takes what he’s offering. He lowers his head to close that inch of height between them, capturing Cas’s lips again, even knowing he probably shouldn't since the damn cameras are still filming. But how could he possibly resist Cas when he was looking up at him with those big blue eyes swirling with emotion?

This kiss is softer than their first kiss, a wordless exchange of all of the feelings still left unsaid between them, and Dean feels himself melt against Cas as they both sink into the kiss. They both seem to know better than to let their hands roam this time, so they stay completely still other than their lips brushing together again and again, and just like the last time, Dean’s overwhelmed by how fucking hot it is between them even when they’re not trying to make it that way.

It’s Cas who pulls away this time, with a tiny little whimper that sets Dean’s blood on fire and makes him want to push him to the ground right here and now so he can discover what other pornographic sounds he can get outta him.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Dean admits.

“I can make you feel much better than this,” Cas promises and Dean tilts his head back to groan in frustration.

“Goddammit, Cas.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve never felt a connection like this before,” he says. “I don’t mean to come on too strong.”

“No, I know. It’s okay. But let’s get outta here before you kiss me again and I decide public indecency is worth it,” Dean teases, tugging him towards the SUV again.

He gets one look at the too big smile on Sam’s face and knows he’s seen them kiss before he even opens his mouth.

“So this is obviously going well,” Sam comments.

“Yep,” Dean answers simply. “We don’t really know how this works, but Cas mentioned getting some food.”

“Give us a couple minutes to talk to the crew,” Max says, hopping out of the SUV and walking towards the camera people with Nev right behind him.

“In case we don’t see each other again before you leave, Sam, I wanted to thank you for interfering and helping Dean and I to meet face to face,” Cas says, wrapping his arm around Dean with a smile on his face.

Sam chuckles. “Well, what are little brothers for, right?” Dean scoffs good naturedly, unable to even pretend to be irritated with him considering he has Cas’s hands on him. “Could’ve lived happily without seeing you making out with a guy though,” Sam adds, smiling to soften the blow.

“Not even sorry. And get used to it,” Dean warns him.

Nev and Max approach them and they all turn to face them. “You’re free to go wherever you want. Just point us in the right direction and we’ll drop you guys off,” Nev says.

“How long do we have?” Cas asks, and Dean’s heart drops into his stomach when he’s reminded he has to leave Cas behind today.

“We’re actually gonna head back with Sam after we drop you guys off, but we can get one of the crew to wait around for you,” Nev offers.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Dean says quickly. He gets the cell phone number of the crew member so he can text him when he’s ready to go, and Max hands him a fifty dollar bill.

“Make sure to check in with your brother so we know this one didn’t kidnap you,” Max says, pointing to Cas.

Cas laughs but Dean replies, “It wouldn’t be against my will anyway.”

They all shake hands again, Dean promises to check in with Sam, and then they get dropped off at what looks like a hole in the wall diner.

“I know it doesn’t look like much, but they have the best burgers in town, and I know you have an affinity for them,” Cas explains.

“I’ve only had toast to eat all day. I don’t care what the place looks like. I’m almost ready to eat my arm,” Dean says, making Cas laugh.

“Wait for the burger, I promise it’s worth it,” Cas says, leading them into the diner and to a booth in the corner.

Cas has a big smile on his face as they settle into their seats and Dean doesn’t get it because he hasn’t even done anything. “What’re you so smiley for?”

“It’s silly. I’ve just thought about bringing you here so many times I can’t believe it’s finally happening,” Cas explains.

“Yeah? This is one of your favorite spots or something?”

“Honestly, I hardly ever eat out because it’s so expensive. But if I was able to, I’m sure I’d eat here weekly,” Cas says.

“Can I ask you something?” Dean asks, a question popping up that he’s been avoiding bringing up for a long time.

“Anything,” Cas promises.

But they’re interrupted by a waitress coming by to take their drink orders. They both order Pepsi and she takes off again soon enough. “How come you’re 26, work two jobs six days a week, and don’t have enough money to eat out once in a while?”

Cas sighs and he hangs his head immediately. Dean braces himself, knowing whatever he’s about to say isn’t going to be good. “Two reasons. The first one is what I usually tell people whenever they ask, and that’s that it isn’t cheap to live on your own, even while making a decent living. But the real reason has to do with my brother, Jimmy,” Cas says, and Dean tries not to react to Cas bringing him up for the first time ever (by choice).

“You don’t have to talk about it right now if you don’t want to,” Dean offers.

“No, it’s okay. I put it off longer than I should have already anyway,” Cas says, giving him a half smile. “My brother got married when he was 23 because his younger girlfriend found out she was pregnant. Then he died before he ever had the chance to meet his daughter,” Cas says, heartbreak evident not only in his tone of voice, but in his expression and his body language, too.

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean says, his voice full of the pain he feels for him.

Cas shakes his head, obviously trying to keep it together. “Whatever money I don’t absolutely need, I give to Amelia - that’s Jimmy’s wife - to help with Claire. I know Jimmy would hate the idea of her struggling to take care of his daughter all alone, and it’s the least I can do to ease her burden,” Cas explains. “She never asked to be a widow at 21 and raising a two year old on her own.”

Dean thinks about how hard it would be to raise a toddler alone at his age and balks at the idea. Damn. How did he find the world's nicest guy in Cas?

Dean reaches across the table to cover both of Cas’s hands with his. “You are the most selfless, giving, caring person I’ve ever known, and I know I didn’t know your brother, but I also know he’d be so thankful for you helping him take care of his family.” Cas nods and makes a useless attempt at wiping away his tears. Dean doesn’t want to change the subject entirely, but he’d really like to see Cas stop crying. “What about your other brother, Gabriel? Does he help, too?”

“He does,” Cas answers. “He has a lot more money than I do, so he helps more, actually, but I still want to be able to contribute. Gabriel actually just found Amelia a job at a daycare in town that will keep Claire while she works, so I won’t have to contribute as much soon. But it’s been a rough couple of years in more way than one,” Cas finishes.

“I don’t know how you managed to carve out so much time for me when you have so much going on,” Dean muses.

“You may not be family, but you’re one of the most important people in my life,” Cas answers. “I’ll always make as much time for you as I can.”

“Speaking of that. Now that we actually met face to face and I’m not afraid of you standing me up again, I could come visit you a couple times a month on the weekends if you wanted me to,” Dean offers.

Cas’s eyes go a little wide and the sadness that was there a few minutes ago is eclipsed with excitement. “Really? You would do that?”

Dean nods. “I know we wouldn’t have a lot of time since you work both jobs on Saturdays -”

“Next weekend is my last double shift,” Cas interrupts. “It was the first thing Gabriel made me promise once he told me about Amelia's job. He worries I work too hard.”

“He’s not the only one,” Dean confesses. “I could drive up on a Saturday, then hang out for the night, get a hotel, and see you again Sunday before I drive back home.”

Cas is smiling when he says, “You know very well I’m not going to make you stay in a hotel, Dean.”

“I didn’t want to just invite myself to stay at your place when we just met.”

“I’ve wanted you in my bed for a very long time,” Cas replies, and Dean’s mind goes completely blank for a good ten seconds before he can make words again.

“Jesus Christ. You can’t just say shit like that,” Dean says, exasperated.

“Why not?” Cas asks.

“Because I only touched you for the first time less than two hours ago and I’ve already had to talk my dick down three times,” Dean explains, feeling a blush spread across his cheeks.

“Oh,” Cas responds, but he doesn’t look even a little bit disappointed by this information.

“Quit looking so damn proud of yourself,” Dean says with a laugh.

Cas chuckles but can’t wipe the smile off of his face. “Sorry, I don’t think I’m able to do that. I’m very happy you’re as attracted to me as I am to you.”

“Kinda complicates things, though,” Dean says.

The waitress comes over to take their orders, and seeing as Dean never even opened his menu, he tells Cas to just pick a burger and add bacon and he’ll be a happy guy. With two double bacon cheeseburgers ordered, they go back to their conversation.

“Complicates things how?” Cas asks, diving right back in.

“Well, we’re two young guys who don’t really want to keep their hands off each other, trying to start a serious relationship. And in my experience, sex usually complicates things,” Dean tries to explain.

Cas has a big smile on his face now and Dean doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of seeing it. “You want to be in a relationship?”

“Well yeah. I thought that’s what we were talking about earlier when you asked me if it was real,” Dean says cautiously.

“I can take the not away from (not) boyfriend?”

“I dunno. I guess it would make me pretty happy if you did.”

“Nothing would make me happier,” Cas says, beaming at him. “As for the _other thing_ ,” Cas continues, getting back to Dean’s earlier question. “I feel like we’ve been waiting long enough, don’t you?”

Den takes a deep breath to calm himself before he answers, “Thought you said you weren’t going to ask me to hop right into bed with you?” Dean reminds him.

“Not today,” Cas agrees. “But I’m not opposed to the idea of that happening sooner rather than later.”

Dean tries to think about anything other than Cas’s hard body pressing him into the mattress and what ends up coming out of his mouth is, “What’s your magic number, Cas?”

“I’m sorry?” Cas asks.

“You know. How many people have you been with?”

“How many people have I had sex with?” Cas repeats, and Dean nods. He seems to think about it a bit before he answers, “A handful, but there hasn’t been anyone for a few years now.” Dean’s jaw drops a little and Cas rolls his eyes. “I didn’t exactly have a lot of time for sex between my twin brother dying at 24 and starting to talk to you at 26, Dean.”

“Shit, sorry, that was a dick thing to ask,” Dean says quickly.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know until earlier today, I can hardly be angry for you not thinking about that in correlation to sex. And it’s not as if I’ve had no sexual experience, I just haven’t had sex in a while. But since you asked first... what’s _your_ magic number?”

Dean regrets asking now, because he doesn’t want to admit he’s been around, too. “I don’t really know. I slept around a lot when I was a teenager and didn’t know any better. Girls like my face, you know, and at the time, I didn’t see why I should turn down sex if somebody was offering,” Dean says, hoping he doesn’t come off like a total jerk. Then, feeling insecure, he asks, “Do I sound like an asshole now?”

“No,” Cas promises. “Honestly, it’s the answer I expected you to give. And for the record, girls aren’t the only ones who like your face.”

“You’re just as hot as I am,” Dean insists. “And uh, just to be clear, I’ve never done it with a guy. Done stuff, you know, but not _it_.”

“Aha! So I have a slight advantage after all,” Cas says, sounding pleased about it.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Dean agrees, feeling suddenly self conscious about that. “I didn’t think I was gonna feel like I have to turn down sex with you today, but I kinda wanna take the pressure off and say I’d rather us work our way up to it, you know?”

“There’s not ever going to be any pressure, Dean. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way,” Cas says quickly.

“I meant for both of us,” he replies. “Since it’s been a while for you and you’d be my first, you wanna make sure you can last, right?” he jokes, trying to make it seem like he’s not still nervous. “But yeah, honestly, I think I’d feel better if we took it at least a little slow.”

“I can get behind that,” Cas says, then his lips quirk when he hears what just came out of his mouth, and they both start laughing. “I’m very pleased we’re just skipping the whole awkward getting to know each other’s sense of humor phase. You’re extremely easy to talk to.”

“Considering we’ve done nothing but talk for the last year and a half, that’s not exactly surprising,” Dean comments.

“No, but I’ve never met anybody in this way before. I didn’t know for sure how talking to you on the phone would transition to talking to you in person.”

“But so far so good?” Dean checks.

“As easy as I could have hoped for,” Cas confirms.

“What’s different so far?”

“What do you mean?” Cas asks.

“C’mon. There’s gotta be at least something you thought you knew about me that you’ve been wrong about so far.”

A grin spread across Cas’s face before he responds, “I never noticed your freckles in pictures.” And of course, Dean blushes like a schoolgirl all over again. “And I had no idea you would blush so easily. It’s endearing.”

“Oh shut up,” Dean returns, and Cas just chuckles at Dean’s familiar go-to when he’s flustered.

“What about me?”

“Two of those pictures you sent me were blurry as hell, so I was happily surprised by how hot you are,” Dean says with a cheeky smile. “Your eyes are stupidly blue, which I know probably isn’t news to you, but it’s something I didn’t pick up on from the pictures. And you look older than I am, but that’s actually all sorts of hot,” he confesses. “But the kind of things I’m most excited about figuring out is like when I saw you run your hand through your hair and realized that’s why it’s so messy all the time, because you do that when you’re nervous.”

“Your face shows your emotions and thoughts more than anybody I can remember talking to,” Cas comments, adding to his previous answer. “I always felt like you were honest with me, but now I know all I have to do is look at your face and everything you’re feeling is practically broadcasted for everybody to see.”

“You think so, huh?” Dean responds.

“I do. For example, anybody walking by us could easily see you’re completely smitten with me because of the way you’re looking at me,” Cas teases.

Dean rolls his eyes playfully, making Cas laugh again, and when he looks back at him he can see that little nose crinkle he’s been staring at for the last six months and his heart tumbles in his chest, completely proving Cas’s point. “Dammit, Cas. How’re you so damn adorable and still super hot at the same time?”

“Just lucky I guess,” Cas answers, and Dean snorts his amusement.

“I think I’m the lucky one if I get to have you as my boyfriend.”

“You do,” Cas says, smiling wide. “I’ve been waiting for you to call me that for a very long time.”

“Well, hopefully I will be calling you it for a very long time.”

“Did you really line up a job here?” Cas asks.

“Yeah. My Uncle Bobby has to call around a lot for parts, so I asked him to put out some feelers for anybody who might be looking for somebody around here in the summer. Turns out he knows a guy who owns a garage here. He said I’ve got a job waiting for me whenever I’m ready for it. Same pay as what I’m making now, and the apartments here are cheaper, so even without Sam contributing, I think I’ll be better off than I am now. Especially without him eating me outta the damn house,” Dean adds, smiling.

“I can’t believe you’ve looked into everything so much,” Cas says with a big smile on his face. “I always got the impression you were more or less daydreaming when we talked about our future together.”

Dean can feel his shoulders deflate a little bit as something sours in his stomach. _Shit_. Did Cas not mean it when they were talking about this kind of thing? Is he coming on too strong?

“I mean, nothing’s solid yet. I can easily stay in Lebanon and keep my job and my apartment if you want. It’s no big deal.”

Cas squints his eyes at him and his eyebrows draw together, making him look like an adorably grumpy older version of himself. “How are you possibly this unsure of yourself? Of me? Haven’t I made myself clear about how badly I want to be with you?”

“Yeah, but you coulda changed your mind about long-term after meeting me.” Cas just gives him a hard look. “Okay, I guess I’m still sorta waiting for you to realize you can do better than a 21 year old kid,” Dean admits.

Cas shakes his head. “There’s nothing kid-like about you.” Then he stops and laughs. “Well, that’s not true. There’s your freckles, and the way you bicker with your brother. The way you whine about waking up every morning. And how much you love video games, Star Wars, and pie is all a little bit childish, but it’s a good childish. You’re actually very mature for your age. Certainly much more than I was at your age.”

“Yeah, I doubt that,” Dean says.

Cas raises an eyebrow at him. “You already have a decent, steady income, and you’ve been supporting yourself and your brother on your own since you were 18. You may only be 21, but you’re not a child. I consider myself very lucky to be the boyfriend of such a smart, capable, and incredibly good-looking younger man,” Cas finishes with a teasing smile.

Suddenly feeling much better about himself, he jokes, “You just want me for my hot bod.”

“Not _just_ but that’s certainly a part of it,” Cas replies, his eyes dancing with humor. “Looks like our food’s coming,” he says, nodding towards their waitress coming towards them.

The waitress barely places the plate down in front of Dean before he picks up the burger and takes a huge bite. He groans around his mouthful and looks up at the waitress to blurt, “Marry me.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “I’m old enough to be your mother, sugar. I suggest you keep batting your eyelashes in his direction,” she chuckles, pointing to Cas. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

Dean shoots Cas a smile the best he can around his mouthful of burger and then devotes all of his attention to filling his empty stomach as quickly as he can. He’s more than halfway through his burger when he looks up to see Cas obviously trying to hold back a smile. He swallows his too-big bite somewhat painfully, takes a drink of soda to wash it down and asks, “What?”

“What _what_?” Cas asks.

“You. What’re you smiling at?”

“You have terrible table manners,” Cas comments. It’s definitely an insult, but for some reason, Cas is still smiling.

“And I get smiled at for that?”

Cas shrugs. “It’s cute.”

Dean snorts. “Can you do me a favor and tell Sam that? He bitches at me for it all the time.”

“I’ll make sure to mention it the next time I see him,” Cas answers. “I definitely don’t have to ask if you’re enjoying your burger considering how quickly it’s disappearing, but is it satisfying your hunger?”

Dean bobs his head up and down. “Yeah, man. I was fucking starved, too.”

“I’m surprised you weren’t biting my head off,” Cas comments around a french fry.

Dean chuckles. “I told you before you exaggerate the whole _hangry_ thing when it comes to me.”

“Mmm, I’m going to have to disagree with you about that.”

“That ain’t news, Cas,” Dean says.

They continue to eat the rest of their meal amid easy conversation, and Dean orders himself a piece of pie to top it off. It’s a testament to just how much he likes Cas that he doesn’t stab him in the back of his hand with his fork when he steals a bite. Dean pays for their meal with the money Nev gave them, and then they walk out of the diner hand in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

“Now what?” Dean asks once they step out into the parking lot of the diner.

“Would you like to see my apartment before you have to go back home?” Cas asks.

“Hell yeah I would.”

Cas smiles brightly. “It’s about a twenty minute walk from here. Do you mind walking or do you want to catch the bus?”

“Walking’s fine,” Dean answers, then follows Cas happily as he leads him across the street. Then a thought occurs to him. “You leave your car at home today?”

“Despite the excellent advice given to me, I’m sad to say my car remains in disrepair,” Cas admits.

“What? Since when?”

“I haven’t been able to drive it reliably for almost six months,” Cas says.

“What!?” Dean exclaims. “Dude! Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve walked you through it!”

“I knew you’d think that, but I’m afraid it’s just too far outside of my skill set.”

“Well I can take a look at it for you when we get to your place then. Have you been taking the bus everywhere this whole time?”

Cas nods. “Yeah. I don’t mind it, actually. I get more time talking to you during my commute this way.”

And okay, that’s cute, but he’s still got questions. “What about when you work at the Gas ‘N’ Sip on holidays and shit though? Do the buses run those days?”

Cas shrugs a shoulder. “Sometimes. If not, I walk to work on those days. It’s not _that_ far, and I'm used to walking a lot.”

Dean grumbles low in his throat. “I know you work late some of those nights though, and I really don’t like the idea of you walking home by yourself in the dark.”

Cas wiggles his hand free of Dean’s, slips his arm around his waist, and presses a kiss to his temple. “You really are the cutest thing.”

“Shut up,” Dean says, nudging him with his elbow.

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but your concern is appreciated.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still gonna try and fix your car. What’s wrong with it anyway?”

“I believe the carburetor is broken.”

“Car overheating?” Dean checks.

“Exactly.”

“Did you get a new one?”

“No, I didn’t think there was much of a point when I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford the labor,” Cas explains.

“I’ll order it for you. Get it at cost that way, then I can put it in when I come up next and save you the labor, too,” Dean promises.

“Dean, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure the last thing you want to do after spending all week working on cars is work on another car,” Cas says.

“It’s not just any other car though, it’s _your_ car. You work too hard as it is. If there’s anything I can do to make your life easier, I want to do it.”

“Now who’s the doting boyfriend?” Cas teases him.

Dean tries to shrug it off but he’s honestly pretty happy about Cas thinking that. _Boyfriend_ sounds really nice coming from Cas.

True to Cas’s word, it’s about fifteen minutes later that they reach an apartment building. “Home, sweet home,” Cas announces. “I live in number sixteen. Come on.”

Dean takes in the missing siding on the building, the garbage strewn all over the dirt (where he’s damn sure an actual lawn should be) and the way Cas looks almost ashamed to live here and he wants to pull him into a hug and tell him he doesn’t care what his apartment looks like... but he doesn’t know if that’d make it better or worse for Cas.

So he settles on, “Reminds me of some of the places I used to live in with dad.” He hopes that reminding Cas that he’s had some pretty shitty living situations, too, makes him feel less self conscious about where he lives.

“It’s not so bad inside,” Cas comments, and Dean nods his head, taking his word for it. Cas leads him through a hallway and up a flight of stairs until they reach his apartment. He unlocks the door plus a bolt lock, and holds the door open for Dean to walk through.

Dean’s immediately relieved that Cas was right. It’s not as bad inside. He notices the fresh paint on the walls, which are dotted here and there with art, and while the wooden floors under his feet are scuffed badly, there’s a large, thick area rug that takes up most of the living room. There’s a great big television; it’s one of those old flat screens that still has the big back hanging off of it. Bet it weighs a ton. Across from the TV is a gigantic chocolate brown couch that looks like its best days are long gone, but also like it’d be one hell of a napping couch, and behind that is the kitchen. The appliances are obviously dated - he can see that from here - but it’s tidy, and it has a lived-in look and feel to it. Everything feels cozy the way a home should, and Dean likes it a lot.

“You were right,” Dean says finally. “Much nicer on the inside. All cozy and shit.”

“I’m glad you think so. Take your shoes off and come on in,” Cas prompts him, kicking his own off as well. “I’ll give you the very short tour.”

Dean follows his instructions, and Cas rests his hand on his lower back as he guides him towards the living room. “Fairly obvious, but this is the living room. Most of our conversations take place with me sitting on this very couch,” he says, grinning at Dean. “Kitchen,” he points. He walks down a hallway and leans into a room to flick the light on. “Bathroom,” he says, backing up so Dean can poke his head in. Nothing special, but again, clean. It’s like Cas’s scent is concentrated in here though (probably from the shower) and Dean takes an extra second just to breathe it in before he walks back into the hallway.

“And last but not least, my bedroom,” Cas says, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink.

“You always blush when you show guys your room, Cas?” Dean asks walking through the doorway. He wants to tease him to take away some of the awkwardness that’s suddenly almost palpable between them.

“Only the really pretty ones,” Cas answers. And dammit, now Dean’s blushing.

Not trusting his brain to work right now, he hums in response and takes a quick look around his room. Cas has a simple black metal bed frame with a blue plaid comforter on it. There’s a window on the wall across from him, a dresser off to one side piled high with books, and an end table on the other side with a lamp and another book spread open on it. The only thing that’s even a little bit messy is the laundry basket by the door, with clothes piled up high in it.

“You interrupted my usual laundry day,” Cas explains, following his gaze.

“I’m not judging. I feel like I’ve always got a pile like that waiting for me. I swear Sam changes his giant sized clothes three times a day.”

“I’m sure he’ll stop that once he lives on his own. Let’s go back out to the living room,” Cas suggests, and while Dean’s happy to have the tension between them erased as he walks back out, he’s also slightly disappointed Cas didn’t at least try to kiss him in his room. He knows he wouldn’t be able to resist trying if their places were reversed. “Can I get you a drink or anything?” Cas asks before they sit down.

“Nah, I’m still good from dinner.”

“I’m going to have a beer,” Cas says.

“Okay, okay, you don’t have to twist my arm,” Dean agrees quickly and Cas chuckles while he goes to the fridge and grabs them each a can. When he comes back into the living room he hands one to Dean and sits beside him close enough so their thighs are touching. Dean’s quickly realizing one of his favorite things is being close to his boyfriend.

He frowns down at the can in his hand before he shoots Cas a look full of distrust. “Dude. This beer is shit, isn’t it?”

“It absolutely is,” Cas laughs, cracking his open and holding it up for Dean to cheers. “It’s also the cheapest there is.” Dean smiles and taps his can to Cas’s before he takes a drink, barely able to hold back his grimace.

“I’m bringing my own next time,” Dean decides quickly.

“As long as you bring enough for both of us,” Cas answers. He reaches over to grab the remote control and turns the TV on. He flicks to a channel with some kind of house building show on, and then he settles his arm around Dean’s shoulders. Dean rearranges himself to snuggle in so he’s comfortable, and gives into the urge to drop his head on Cas’s shoulder. Cas kisses his forehead and Dean figures he’s only seconds away from actually melting into a puddle of feelings.

“I know I keep saying this, but I can’t believe I’m actually here,” Dean says happily.

“I was just thinking the same thing. You sitting on my couch is kind of surreal.”

Dean takes another drink of his beer and finds it’s not as bad now that he was expecting it. “Feels nice though.”

“Feels perfect. How long do you think you’ll be able to stay?”

Dean thinks about it. The drive home will be at least three hours, probably more like four in Sunday night traffic. “Probably have to take off around five or six. I’d stay later, but I have to get home early enough to make sure Sam did his homework and packed his lunch for tomorrow.”

“He doesn’t do that on his own?” Cas asks.

“Most of the time he does, but he’s still a teenager, you know? He has his moments. Especially if he’s caught up in reading something.”

“So we have a few hours still. Would you like to watch a movie? I have some DVDs we could pick through. Most of them used to belong to Gabriel, but they’re not all horrible,” Cas says.

“Yeah, sure. I feel like I haven’t really relaxed all day so a movie’d be good,” Dean realizes. Especially if Cas keeps his arm around him like this.

Some friendly bickering later, they finally decide on _The Island_. Dean’s caught snippets of it on TV and knows it has both Scarlett Johansson and Ewan McGregor wearing tight clothes in it, so he figures it’s a win even if the story sucks.

They settle in, drinking their beer and watching the movie. It’s actually better than Dean expected, so he kind of loses himself in it. He accepts a second beer when Cas offers, and when they’re both finished, Cas rearranges himself so he’s lying on his side with his head against the arm of the couch. He pulls Dean down so that he’s lying in front of him, his back to Cas’s stomach. He rests his head on Cas’s curled up bicep and makes a happy little sound in his throat when Cas’s other arm comes around his stomach. He covers Cas’s hand with his, wanting to be touching as much of him as he can, and their fingers lace together resting on Dean’s chest. He feels all warm and fuzzy inside and closes his eyes for a minute to bask in how good it feels to finally be here with Cas.

Some time later, Cas wiggles his hand away from Dean’s and wipes it on Dean’s jeans. He laughs, because yeah, his hand was getting sweaty too but he was just gonna stick it out. But now Cas’s hand is on his hip and he definitely doesn’t mind that. Just like he doesn’t mind when Cas’s thumb starts brushing back and forth across his jeans. He repositions his head so it’s resting more on Cas’s chest and goosebumps spread across his skin when he feels Cas’s breath warm on his neck.

They’re pressed up against one another pretty snugly, and now that Cas’s hands _and_ his breath are on him, Dean’s body seems to be hellbent on reminding him that he hasn’t been close to anybody like this in more than a year. So it’s no big surprise when his dick starts to chub up… which makes him wonder if maybe Cas is dealing with the same thing… which immediately reminds him that Cas’s dick is awfully close to his ass right now. And _that_ definitely isn’t helping anything.

Cas’s thoughts must be veering in the same direction as Dean’s, because he slides his hand slowly up Dean’s side and then back down over his hip repeatedly in what’s surely supposed to be a long, soothing trail. Unfortunately, Cas’s hands on _more of him_ does the complete opposite, and instead of feeling soothed, it just gets him more worked up.

His heart’s racing, he can feel his face heating up, and he’s trying not to breathe too hard to give away that he’s quickly making his way towards being fully hard without even being touched. Then Cas’s hand pauses at the waistband of his jeans on his way up and he slips his fingers onto a sliver of skin on Dean’s hip and Dean can’t help the way his breath hitches when he feels Cas’s hand on his skin for the first time.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas breathes, breaking the silence that’s been building between them. His voice is lower than usual and it seems to run along his skin just as tangibly as his fingers. Before Dean can find his voice to respond, he feels Cas’s lips warm on his neck. His eyes slip closed as Cas presses several chaste kisses in a line across the side of his throat. “Is this okay?” Cas asks softly.

“Yeah,” Dean answers, his voice breathy. “Feels good.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

Before he answers, Cas kisses his neck again, except this time his mouth opens and he feels the wet heat of his tongue on his skin. “Mmmm no, fuck. Keep going,” Dean urges him, tilting his head to the side to give Cas more room.

Cas’s mouth feels like it’s setting fire to his skin. Cas drops his lips to his collarbone and kisses a wet trail along his neck and over the side of his face to his ear, making Dean hotter and hornier with every brush of his lips on his skin. Cas nuzzles into a particularly sensitive spot and Dean can’t help but squirm against him.

“I’ve wondered what your skin would taste like,” Cas says right behind his ear. His deep voice so close to his ear causes goosebumps to spread across his skin again and he can feel his dick throb with desire.

Cas slides his hand from his hip along the inch of skin above the waist of his jeans and Dean moans when Cas’s big hand runs along his stomach. He turns so that he’s on his back and grabs Cas by the back of his neck to pull him down to crush their lips together. It’s hot and needy from the very second their lips meet, and Dean’s mouth is already open and waiting for Cas’s tongue to push its way inside. They both moan when their tongues meet for the first time, and Dean can’t think of anything but pleasure when Cas takes him apart a little bit more with each swipe of his tongue.

Cas rearranges himself so that he’s straddling one of Dean’s legs, never breaking their kiss even once, and Dean feels sparks explode all along his body when Cas’s erection presses against him.

“Oh god,” Dean moans. “Cas.”

Cas moves a hand to his face. Their foreheads rest together as Cas drags his thumb across Dean’s lower lip before he whispers, “ _Dean_ ,” in that low, rough voice of his. Dean has no idea how he makes his name sound like the dirtiest word he’s ever heard, but he does, and he can’t help it when his hips thrust upwards searching for friction.

“Fuck,” Dean gasps.

Cas almost loses his balance and he has to use his hands to hold himself up now, which only makes Dean miss the weight of his hand on his face.

His fingers thread into the long hair on the back of Cas’s head, and he tugs just a little to make their lips come together again, and Cas steals his breath with how passionately he kisses him. Dean’s been around but never in his fucking life has anybody kissed him _like this_. Cas is devouring him and Dean’s never wanted to just let somebody take from him like he does right now. He feels Cas’s stubble scraping across his upper lip and his body is sings with the need for more.

His free hand slides down Cas’s back on a mission to finally get his hands on his ass, but he gets sidetracked by how hard his muscles are under his palm. He runs his hand back up to grasp at his shoulder - holy fuck - before he slides it down slowly, lingering on the way down to appreciate the brawn beneath his palm. He spreads his legs and grips Cas by the hip to prompt him to shift over until he falls into the space between them.

With an obviously deliberate roll of his hips, Cas presses their erections together and heat flares wildly in Dean’s stomach. His mouth drops open to gasp Cas’s name, and Cas nudges his head to the side so he can work on Dean’s neck again.

The bad thing about his mouth no longer being occupied is that he can’t stop babbling.

“Oh Jesus,” he pants as Cas takes his earlobe between his teeth. He finally remembers to get his hands on his ass, and when he grips those perfectly round globes, Cas is the one who moans, low and deep. “Mmmf fuck you sound good making noises like that for me, baby,” Dean praises him. He gets a sharp bite to his neck for that and whimpers when Cas’s tongue soothes the mark. He squeezes Cas’s ass, urging him to rut against him harder and faster, and he hears himself start chanting his name between breaths. “Cas, Cas, _oh god_ , Cas, _fuck_.”

Cas pushes his hand up his shirt with one hand, and Dean immediately rucks Cas’s up his back as well so they’re at least somewhat skin to skin. He knows the second he feels Cas’s warm body against his that he’s not gonna stop until he comes… and he’s dangerously close already.

When Dean’s hands slide between their bodies, Cas lifts up off of him enough so that Dean can work on getting his own pants opened. Cas looks down between them questioningly, and when he sees what he’s doing, he meets Dean’s gaze and Dean can _see_ the heat in them.

“Long drive home. Don’t want you to make me come in my pants,” Dean explains with a smirk.

“We can stop,” Cas offers. “I didn’t mean to -”

Dean’s hands still. “Do you wanna stop?”

Cas just gives him an amused look. “What do you think?”

“I think if you ask me to stop I’m gonna need a few minutes alone in a cold shower,” Dean answers with a smile, and Cas huffs out a laugh before he lowers his head to kiss Dean softly.

“I just don’t want to rush you,” he says, making Dean’s heart melt, but also bringing up an excellent point. They really shouldn’t rush this. He cares about Cas _a lot_ , and the last thing he wants is to fuck shit up because he can’t keep it in his pants.

But he also really, _really_ needs this.

“You’re really fucking hot and I’ve never been more turned on in my life. You mean a lot to me and I don’t wanna fuck anything up, but I really want you,” Dean tries to explain.

“I feel the same way. You’re impossible to resist, Dean,” Cas tells him.

A needy little sound escapes Dean and he tries to clear his throat to hide it. “I’m good as long as we keep doing what we were just doing, minus the pants.”

“Then allow me,” Cas grins, running his hand down Dean’s stomach and over top of his jeans to palm his bulge. Dean’s mouth drops open again as he sucks in air needily, and Cas nibbles and sucks on his bottom lip as he flicks open the button on his fly and pulls down the zipper. Dean suddenly remembers he has hands and brings them up to do the same to Cas. Then their eyes meet, and Dean can tell Cas is asking him if he’s sure just based on the look in his eyes, so he winks as he pushes Cas’s pants down and over his hips. Cas wriggles out of them quickly before he tugs Dean’s down, and both of their eyes drop to check out what the other’s packing.

Both of them are fairly close to the same size. Cas might be a little longer, but they’re both cut, and more interestingly, both flushed red and looking like they’re about to burst.

“Shirt off?” Cas asks, his voice rougher than Dean’s heard it so far.

Dean’s already shaking his head as he gets his hands on Cas’s bare ass for the first time, arching his back to try and get Cas to touch him again “Don’t wanna wait. Please,” he tires to say it confidently, but it ends up coming out on a bit of whine as Cas aligns their cocks. “Ugh, fuck, yeah, babe. Feel so good.”

Cas responds with another groan and, “You’re unbelievably sexy, Dean.”

 _He’s_ sexy? Cas is gonna kill him.

He wants to come so fucking bad, but Cas is pressing him into the couch pretty good with his weight. Dean is still trying to thrust up against him but he’s hardly getting the friction he needs and he makes a sound of frustration against Cas’s shoulder.

“You’re in such a rush,” Cas teases him, leaning down to kiss him passionately. Dean forgets all about how desperate he feels when Cas has him sinking into another mind melting kiss. He pulls away to say, “I wanted to take my time with you when I got you like this for the first time. Take you apart nice and slow.”

He runs his tongue across Dean’s bottom lip as he starts undulating his hips slowly on top of him.

“Ah shit, _yes_ ,” Dean curses. The roll of Cas’s hips is hot as fuck and visions of Cas riding him like a porn star flash through his mind as he tries to hold on. “C’mon baby, please.”

“Do all the things I’ve been thinking about doing to you over the last year,” Cas whispers, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth and making Dean moan like a ten dollar whore. “But how can I resist you when you beg so nicely?”

Well if that’s what it’ll take.

“ _Please_ , Cas. Just touch me, baby. Lemme - _oh god_ \- ” Dean cuts off when Cas starts thrusting against him with purpose. “Yeah, Cas. Fuck. Like that.”

“So talkative, too,” Cas comments, grinding down again. “I’m going to be replaying these sounds of yours in my head over the next two weeks.”

“Hnnng,” is what comes out of Dean next.

Because okay, he didn’t come right out and say it, but now all Dean can think about is Cas taking his dick in his hand and fucking himself while he’s thinking about him and that just about does it.

He closes his eyes and surges forwards to move his mouth along Cas’s neck and underneath his chin, absolutely _loving_ the feel of his stubble beneath his lips. He feels Cas’s ass cheeks flex with the movement of his hips and his breath hitches again when he thinks about what Cas must look like on top of him. His shirt pushed halfway up his muscular back curved over him, his strong shoulder blades rolling in time with his hips, and his sinewy arms holding him up with Dean’s legs spread wide beneath him.

“I’m close, Cas,” he warns, and he’d probably be embarrassed if he wasn’t so completely out of his mind with lust.

“I bet you’re beautiful when you come for me,” Cas whispers, and that doesn’t help in the least.

He tries to distract himself by pulling Cas down to kiss him again, and he concentrates in giving as good as he’s getting this time, but Cas only redoubles his efforts, driving Dean closer and closer to the brink with each sinful curl of his tongue in time with his hips pistoning against him, and then Dean can’t hold back anymore.

He can feel the familiar heat in his stomach signalling the point of no return, and his body tenses in preparation. His fingers dig into the meat on Cas’s ass, eliciting a moan from his boyfriend that only increases his own pleasure. He throws his head back, trying to take in the air he so desperately craves as his orgasm rips through him and he comes _hard_ , his entire body jerking as he feels spurt after spurt exploding from his cock.

He can hear himself making very unattractive little, “Unh. Unh. Unnngggg,” sounds as Cas’s cock still sliding against his milks the best orgasm of his life out of him.

He gives himself thirty seconds to try and catch his breath - which isn’t made any easier by the insistent thrusting of his boyfriend against his spent cock - before he slithers his hand between him and Cas. He runs his hand through his own thick spunk before he takes Cas’s rock hard cock into his hand and slicks him up with it.

Cas drops his head against Dean’s shoulder and moans long and loud.

“You like that, baby?” Dean rasps.

“You feel so good,” Cas mumbles into his neck, and Dean smirks while he speeds up his strokes. He runs his thumb across the head of his cock and Cas bucks forwards into the tight circle of his fist wildly. He dips his nail (gently) into Cas’s slit and barely hears Cas’s shocked intake of breath before his body goes taut and he’s spilling all over Dean’s hand. Dean points him towards his own mess and watches as he paints his skin white, gasping when he feels the warm cum dribble onto his over-sensitive cock.

“Shit,” he says on an exhale as Cas collapses on top of him. He feels Cas’s lips kissing along his neck again and hums happily as he strokes along his lower back with his hand.

Usually after the first time with somebody it feels a little weird. There’s the wondering if who he was with liked it as much as he did. Wondering what’s going to happen next. Wondering if there’s feelings involved on either end and if it’s gonna get ugly now. But he isn’t worrying about any of that with Cas right now. He’s just basking in the afterglow of a really great orgasm with somebody he cares about a lot, and it feels unbelievable.

A few minutes later when Cas pushes back up to his elbows and looks down at Dean with a bashful smile on his face (which is still flushed an adorable shade of pink) Dean thinks his heart might burst.

“That was unexpected,” Cas comments.

Dean grins. “Best movie I’ve watched in years.”

Cas’s smile spreads quickly before he answers, “If you were still watching the movie I wasn’t doing nearly as well as I thought I was.”

“Are you kidding? You played me like a fucking fiddle. I couldn’t‘ve even seen straight if I tried.”

“I could say the same. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from you.” He leans down to peck Dean quickly on the lips, and then Dean’s mouth goes completely dry when Cas flicks open the top few buttons on his shirt before he pulls it over his head.

“Jesus Christ. Definitely should’ve taken the chance to get your shirt off before,” Dean blurts.

Because Cas’s body is hot as hell. His pecs are hard, his shoulders are wide, and his arms are just as muscular as they looked covered by his shirt. He has a happy trail leading down that Dean wants to trace every inch of with his mouth, but somehow the rest of him is all smooth and slender. He’s all grace wrapped in sun-kissed skin and Dean’s cock is already trying to make a valiant attempt at a round two just from looking at him.

Cas just smirks at him as he wipes up their combined mess with his shirt, not even showing a hint of awkwardness while he manhandles Dean’s flaccid cock to wipe it up. “I don’t think that would’ve helped you last any longer.”

“ _Hey_!” Dean protests, only slightly insulted because it’s definitely true. “Gimme five minutes and I’ll be ready for a round two. Can you still say that, old man?”

“I think you might be pleasantly surprised,” Cas answers, kissing him again quickly.

“Whatever then. You lasted like, two minutes longer than me,” Dean points out, giving Cas a little shove so he can get up to put his pants on. And that’s when he notices the splash of cum drying on his shirt. “Well fuck. That’s gonna make for a great topic of conversation on the drive home with a stranger.”

Cas snorts beside him. “Don’t be such a drama queen. I’ll get you a shirt to wear home.”

Dean huffs at _drama queen_. “Because I’m sure it won’t be suspicious at all that I’m wearing a different shirt home than I had on all day.”

He’s caught off guard when Cas captures his lips again, slow and soft, kissing him so perfectly he can practically feel himself melting into the arm of the couch behind him. Cas starts pulling his shirt up and Dean lifts his arms to help him without even thinking about it. He lets Cas kiss him and kiss him while his big hands trail along his chest and stomach, making him warm all over again both inside and out. When Cas finally pulls away a long time later, Dean’s skin is buzzing, his mind is almost completely blank, and he’s thinking briefly about how nice it’d be to just have a little nap right here with Cas.

“You’re allowed to have sex with your boyfriend, Dean,” Cas says out of nowhere, and then Dean remembers what they were talking about and that he let Cas take his shirt off without even meaning to.

“Okay, we’ll get back to that. But first, I have a new relationship rule. You are not allowed to kiss me like that just to get your way with shit,” Dean says, pointing an accusatory finger at him before pulling his boxers on.

Laugher rolls out of Cas in a way he’s only ever heard it a few times and he stops what he’s doing to watch him as he ducks his head and tries to stifle his laugh without success. He’s so fucking gorgeous that Dean’s heart actually clenches. He’s grinning back at Cas like an idiot because he just can’t help it.

When Cas stops laughing, he’s shaking his head with a breathtaking smile on his face. “No, I don’t agree to that rule at all!”

Dean pouts as he gets to his feet to pull his jeans on. Cas is in his space quickly, apparently not at all uncomfortable about not having a stitch of clothing on his body, and he leans in to brush his lips against Dean’s once more, tugging on his bottom lip again (which apparently Dean has a bit of a thing for when Cas does it because _holy fuck_ ) before he kisses it softly.

“That pout should be illegal,” Cas comments.

“Trade you no pouting for none of those kisses during arguments,” Dean barters.

Cas purses his lips and seems to consider the offer before shaking his head. “Still no. I’ll be right back.” He grabs his clothes off of the floor and walks down the hall completely naked.

Dean’s the luckiest man alive: confirmed.

He sits awkwardly on the couch with no shirt on until Cas comes back in a pair of black sweatpants paired with a plain white t-shirt and tosses him a t-shirt of his own.

Dean slips it over his head and looks down at the _Guns N Roses_ logo on the front. “I’m totally keeping this,” he warns him as he tugs it on over his head.

“It’s only fair since I’m keeping yours as well,” Cas responds. “I like the idea of you wearing my clothes.” He takes a seat next to Dean and Dean pulls both of his legs up off the floor and to the side so he can lean against Cas again.

Cas’s hand darts out to smooth Dean’s messed up hair. Dean feels something grow inside of him from just how right it seems to have Cas fixing him up and taking such good care of him. 

“It’s a little baggy on me since your shoulders are bigger than mine,” Dean says, trying to stay on topic. 

“Believe me, your body is absolutely perfect the way it is.” Before Dean can reply to that, Cas wraps his arm around him to pull him closer to his side and says, “I like how affectionate you are with me.”

“You started it. I woulda acted all tough and manly if you didn’t get all hand holdy right off the bat.”

“Hand holdy,” Cas repeats with a snort. “I’m glad I did then. I’ll miss this when you leave,” Cas seems to realize, sounding suddenly sad.

Dean feels the same sadness curl unpleasantly in his stomach at the thought and nods. “I’m gonna miss you, too. Two weeks is gonna go by so much faster than a year and a half, though,” he says, trying to stay positive. 

“You really think you’ll be able to come back so soon?”

“No reason why I can’t. Unless you don’t want to see -”

“You’re not really about to suggest I don’t want to spend a weekend with you when this afternoon has been one of the happiest days I’ve had in years, are you?” Cas says it in a chastising tone of voice and he knows he isn’t supposed to answer truthfully.

“Nooo, of course not,” Dean lies.

“If I have to spend every day reassuring you of how much I care about you, and how much I’d like to see you every day if I could then I will,” Cas promises. “But I’d rather you just believed me.”

Dean exhales a shaky breath. “I’m not really used to anybody wanting me around afterwards, you know? But I’ll work on it.”

Cas’s eyebrows draw together before he responds, “It’s imperative that you understand that what just happened between us is not just sex on my part. You know that, right?”

Dean nods. “Yeah. I know you like me or whatever.”

“Your way with words continues to astound me,” he teases. “I absolutely do like you - no whatever about it - and I’m looking forward to telling everybody I know about my extremely smart, hardworking, sexy boyfriend. In fact, why don’t you take a picture of us with that fancy phone of yours so you can send it to me and I can show you off?”

“Seriously?” Dean asks, checking to make sure he’s not just joking before he seems too anxious. 

“Seriously! You can do that, right?”

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t usually do the whole selfie thing unless it’s for you,” Dean explains, digging his phone out of his pocket.

“It _is_ for me,” Cas reminds him.

Dean opens the camera function on his phone and switches it around so it’s in selfie mode and then hands it to Cas. Cas holds the phone up and once he has them both framed in the shot, they both smile and Cas takes the picture.

“Tap here and you can make sure it’s what you wanted,” Dean shows him.

Cas does as he says and frowns. “You look good, of course, but we don’t look like boyfriends. Can we get closer and try again?” Dean rolls his eyes just to give him a hard time, but they both know he’s not about to tell Cas no. Cas holds his phone up again and Dean tilts his head towards Cas. Cas does the same to him and takes the picture of their temples resting together. “Wait,” Cas says before he moves away. Then he leans over and kisses Dean on the cheek and takes another picture.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough. This ain't a photo booth,” Dean says, secretly pleased that Cas wanted a picture like this of the two of them.

“Oooh we should do that when you come back, though! They have one at the mall!”

Dean chuckles. “Man, you’re cute.” He looks down at his phone in his hand and says, “You know what’s funny? This is the longest my phone hasn’t gone off with a message since I’ve known you.”

“I haven’t even checked my phone since I got it back from Nev. I don’t even know where I put it. I feel naked without it because I usually check it every chance I get looking for a message from you.”

Just like that, Dean’s phone goes off in his hand. They look at each other and laugh. Dean checks the message and his laughter quickly turns to a frown.

“We jinxed it. It’s the crew guy from Catfish. He wants to know where I am so he can come pick me up,” Dean says unhappily.

“What if you just don’t answer him?” Cas teases, but then he tells him his street name so Dean can tell the crew member.

“Ten minutes,” he says to Cas, sticking his phone back in his pocket.

Cas sighs heavily. “I was so excited about the possibility of meeting you today that I didn’t even think about how hard it would be to see you go so soon.”

Dean feels the same way. He’s always absolutely hated goodbyes (probably because of his parents’ deaths), and he knows this is going to suck. He nuzzles into Cas’s cheek until he turns towards him, then he presses their lips together in a slow, lingering kiss. He doesn’t know what to say to make Cas feel better, because he’s dreading this just as much as Cas is.

A few minutes later, Cas says, “I suppose the bright side is that goodbye is only going to be so hard because things between us are even better in person than I imagined they would be.”

“Still kinda crazy that we hadn’t even met this morning and now you’re my boyfriend,” Dean comments.

“Hmmm I like how that sounds, though. I haven’t been called anybody’s boyfriend in a very long time, although I admit I’ve secretly been thinking of you that way for months.”

“Well, hopefully you’ll keep thinking of me that way for months,” Dean replies. “I kinda wanna keep you.”

Cas kisses him on his temple. “I kinda wanna keep you, too.”

“So two weeks?” Dean checks, trying to think of happy things. “Then you won’t be working all day Saturday. We can hang out, I can fix your car, then I can go home Sunday afternoon?”

“That sounds wonderful. You’re going to stay here with me? No hotel, right?”

“If that’s what you want,” Dean agrees.

“I’ve been telling you for months how badly I want to fall asleep with you in my arms.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, his voice slightly lower than usual. The idea of falling asleep together for real after doing it so frequently on the phone is making him feel all kinds of things. “Us in a bed together though...” Dean says, letting his voice trail off.

“There’s still no pressure to do anything sexual,” Cas reminds him. “I really just want to sleep with you. I want to roll over in the middle of the night and you actually be there for once instead of me wishing you were.”

Dean wraps his arm around Cas’s waist. “I want that too.”

“I want to see what you look like all warm and rumpled with sleep first thing in the morning. Actually, I kind of want to see you all grouchy and then turn your mood around by kissing every single one of your adorable little freckles,” Cas says, tapping his finger on some of the ones on Dean’s cheeks.

He can feel himself flush and buries his face in Cas’s chest. “Stooop,” he whines, not at all unhappy.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas sighs happily. His hand sweeps up and down his back, and Dean could just curl right up here on Cas’s lap like the world’s happiest cat. “I am _so_ captivated by you. You have no idea.”

Thankfully Cas can’t see his face because he knows he’s still blushing and he feels a dopey smile on his face. Nobody makes him feel as good as Cas does. “God I’m gonna miss you,” he says in a rush.

“Come back up here and kiss me again. I already know you’re blushing and how adorable you look when you are, so there’s no need to try and hide from me,” Cas replies, his amusement audible in his voice.

And well, they only have a few minutes left anyway, and he knows if he doesn’t kiss him every chance he gets right now he’s going to be regretting it for the next two weeks. So not only does he lift his head, he pushes up to his knees and straddles Cas’s lap. He puts his hands on either side of Cas’s smiling face and tips his chin up just a bit before he kisses him with everything he’s got.

He parts his lips with his tongue, and licks into his mouth with as much care as he can, wanting to show Cas he feels exactly the same way about him even if he doesn’t use fancy words like _captivated_ to tell him. He pushes his hands through his hair, taking his time to revel in just how soft it really is, before he trails his hands back down his face and traces every inch with the pads of his finger tips. He tries to memorize the angle of his cheekbones and the hard edge of his jaw. Cas’s hands are still on his back, soothing him from the outside in, and he loses track of everything but Cas, how right their lips feel pressed together, and how he’s feeling more for him right now than he’s ever felt for anybody before.

Predictably, they’re interrupted when his phone vibrates in his pocket. They both groan unhappily, and when Dean pulls away after he lingers just a touch longer, he finds himself staring down into Cas’s brilliantly blue eyes shining up at him like he hung the moon.

He drops his forehead against Cas’s and takes a breath to get himself back together before he plants a quick kiss on Cas’s forehead and gets to his feet.

“Just gotta take a leak before I go,” he announces with a smirk, effectively ending the heavy moment between them and getting rewarded with a small chuckle of exasperation from his boyfriend.

Cas is already on his feet waiting for Dean when he comes out a minute later and they walk over to the door together. When Cas goes to get into his shoes Dean stops him with a hand on his arm. Cas tilts his head to the side in confusion and Dean holds up a finger, silently asking him to wait while he crouches down to lace up his boots.

When he straightens up he slides his hands up Cas’s shoulders and around his neck. His thumbs brush through the back of Cas’s hair nervously. “I really hate goodbyes,” he confesses. “It’d make it a lot easier for me if we could do this here and not down at the car in front of the Catfish dude.”

“I just wanted to walk you out,” Cas answers.

“I know, and I know it sounds dumb, but it’s easier for me to do it this way. I kinda have a thing about people leaving me. It’ll be better for me if I’m the one to walk away instead of watching you walk away from me.”

Cas’s eyes are soft when he agrees, “Whatever you need.”

Dean feels his phone vibrate in his pocket again but ignores it to pull Cas in for one final, hinging-on-desperate kiss. He gives into his emotions for just a second when they break apart again and rests his forehead on Cas’s shoulder, taking a deep breath. “I’m gonna miss you, baby,” he whispers.

Cas takes his face in his hands and says, “And I you. Two weeks, Dean. Less. Thirteen days and you will be back in my arms where you belong.”

Dean nods shakily, does his best to paste a fake smile on face, and takes a step back to open the door. Cas reaches out to take him by the hand though and now he’s stuck standing in the doorway. He feels like he should say something along the lines of _it was nice to meet you_ , but at the same time that feels super dumb. He hesitates for just a few seconds before he finally decides on, “I uh, had a really good time.”

A smile cracks on Cas’s face, and his eyes go impossibly warmer, so at least if he sounded like an idiot it was worth it to make him smile.

“Best first date of my life,” Cas answers. “Please let me know when you arrive home safely.”

“I will. I’ll see you later, Cas.”

See you later sounds so much better than goodbye.

Like Cas knows what he’s thinking, he says, “I’ll see you later, Dean.” And then Cas lets his hand fall away.

It’s harder than he thought it would be to walk away. He doesn’t let himself look back. Instead, he pulls his phone out of his pocket to clear the notification from the crew guy, and tries to pretend it doesn’t feel like he’s leaving half of himself behind. It’s stupid to feel like that, he tells himself. He’s barely even known the guy for more than a few hours.

Still, once he’s through the hallway and around the corner, he stops to lean against the wall to give himself a second to get his shit together before he walks out to the parking lot. He takes several deep breaths, wipes away the wetness gathering around his eyes - he’s not _crying_ , he’s just had a really long day and he’s over tired, is all - rolls his shoulders in an attempt to change his mindset, and walks out to the parking lot to see the car waiting for him.

He gets in, they exchange hellos, and Dean’s eyes are inexplicably drawn to a window on the second floor of the apartment building where Cas is standing. Cas doesn’t wave, and neither does Dean, and for all that he tries to hold it in, he doesn't even make it out of the parking lot before the first tear silently trails down his cheek.


	4. Chapter 4

The drive home is uneventful. The crew guy, Johnny, stays pretty quiet, and other than suggesting a quick stop at McDonald’s to use the bathroom and grab a bite to eat for dinner, he doesn’t say much at all. Honestly, Dean appreciates the silence. He has a lot to reflect on.

It’s been one hell of a day.

He still can hardly believe that Cas was really Cas all along. He had wanted to believe him, and when push came to shove over the whole James Novak being married thing, he had. But there was still a part of him that was prepared for Cas to be somebody else, and even several hours later, he’s still in awe that it was really him all along.

Not only that, but Cas likes him. A lot, if he’s going to believe what he says (and he has no reason not to). Cas was just as easy to talk to in person as he was on the phone, and other than the crazy attraction he felt to him, going from on the phone to face-to-face had been easier than he ever anticipated.

Cas is his boyfriend now, he thinks with a grin. His really sexy boyfriend who had rutted on top of him so fucking good he was almost able to completely ignore the burn of dry friction and get off embarrassingly fast. And it’d been hot as fuck. He definitely hadn’t been expecting something like that to happen the same day they met, but the more he thinks about it on the way home (which ends up being a lot) the more he thinks it makes sense.

Sure, they’d only just met face to face a few hours before, but _really_  they’d been in an emotional relationship for at least six - no - more like nine months. He remembers the date well enough because it was right around Cas’s birthday. He had just finished walking Cas through how to change his own oil, which he’d been paying out the ass to get done at some garage. Afterwards, Cas has made a comment about how he loves the way Dean takes care of him, and had sent one of those sideways hearts for the first time. That’s when Dean realized Cas might have a bit of a crush on him, too. It was the very same night when Cas had been drinking while they talked on the phone, and he drunkenly admitted, “I like you, Dean.” Dean had chuckled and returned the sentiment, but Cas wasn’t leaving it at that. “No. I have feelings for you. I like you in ways that transcend friendship.”

And that had been that. Dean had mumbled an shy, “Yeah. Me, too.” He wondered if maybe Cas wouldn’t remember, but he did. Cas hadn’t been shy about talking about their feelings for him ever since then. The conversations started drifting more towards things like, “I wish you didn’t live so far away,” to, “I wish you were here,” until Cas asked, “Would you ever consider moving away from Lebanon?”

And now here they are. Boyfriends. And on Dean’s end, he knows he’s at least a little bit in love with him. He knew before they even met that he was fighting it because of the doubts he had, but all it took was that one, “Hello, Dean,” and those bright blue eyes shining at him to confirm it was true. He knows it’s way too soon to say it - hell, it’s probably (realistically) too soon to even fully admit it to himself - but it’s there nonetheless.

When Johnny pulls up outside his house, he thanks him profusely before he climbs out and indulges in a big stretch. Dude’s car isn’t anywhere as comfortable as his 1967 Chevy Impala. He nods approvingly when he notices Sam already has the garbage out for tomorrow and gives himself a mental pat on the back for nagging him enough over the last three years that he knows to keep up with the routine even if he isn’t around to enforce it.

He walks through the front door to find Sammy sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop.

“Hey,” he greets him.

“Was starting to wonder if you weren’t coming back,” Sam answers.

“Somebody has to make sure you put the garbage out,” Dean replies.

“Which I did, thank you very much,” Sam points out.

“I noticed. Thanks, kid.”

“What’s with the different shirt?” Sam asks him, eyes narrowed.

“Oh,” Dean says stupidly, looking down at the shirt as if a good answer will be written on it. To think he was worried about the crew guy. Shoulda known it’d be Sammy with eyes like a damn hawk. “Spilled my beer on mine. Cas gave me this one to wear instead of reeking like beer the rest of the day.”

Sam nods his understanding. “So? Did everything keep going well after you left the cameras behind?”

He tries to stifle his giant smile, he really does, but he can feel it on his face anyway. “Yeah. Went really well.”

“You guys in loooove now?”

Dean huffs in annoyance as he grabs a carton of OJ outta the fridge to pour himself half a glass to get the dryness out of his mouth. “Grow up, Sam.”

“Come on! You’re actually going to try to tell me you’re not together now? I could see you, you know. It’s pretty obvious.”

“I didn’t say that,” Dean points out while he drains the glass all at once.

“So you’re, what? Boyfriends?”

“You a cop or writing a book?” Dean deflects.

Now it’s Sam’s turn to huff. “Why can’t you just answer the question?”

“Fine. Yes. Cas is my boyfriend, and I’m gonna go up there to see him again in two weeks. Spend the night on Saturday and come home Sunday night.”

Sam raises his eyebrows, but instead of the lecture Dean’s expecting, Sam answers, “Perfect. That gives me lots of time to plan a wild party.”

Dean snorts, because they both know that’s not Sam’s scene. “Just make sure to clean up the mess and don’t let anybody fuck in my room,” Dean answers. Sam laughs at his joke and Dean places his glass in the dishwasher. “You pack your lunch for tomorrow?”

“Yep. Packed yours, too,” Sam says.

“Nice! Homework?”

Sam points to his computer. “Working on it. It’s not due until Wednesday but I wanted to get it done in case I get more tomorrow.”

“You’re a good kid, you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah. And I’m not a kid, Dean. I’m almost eighteen.”

“Right. Whole world of experience under your belt. I forgot,” Dean says sarcastically.

“Which reminds me. Why didn’t you tell me Cas was so much older than you?”

Dean frowns. “Six years ain’t a big deal.”

“Dean,” Sam says, clearly not impressed. “Twenty-six is like, an actual grown up.”

“Yeah? And what am I? Just an amateur? Is there some kind of adulting test I have to take before I get that title, too?”

“Think you already took that to get custody of me,” Sam admits with a smile.

“That’s right. Don’t forget you’re my bitch,” Dean grins.

“Shut up,” Sam says tiredly. Dean may’ve overused that one. “You really don’t care that Cas is six years older than you?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“Was it weird going from spending so much time talking on the phone and texting to face to face? You know, after I reminded you to actually say something to him?” Sam says with a grin.

“If you can look a guy as hot as Cas straight in the face and not get tongue-tied, you’re a stronger man than me, Sammy,” Dean says, pretending to be a lot less embarrassed than he really is by the reminder.

“I just can’t wait to see that moment on TV. Dean Winchester, most popular guy in high school, totally freezes up meeting his online boyfriend for the first time. Makes a nice headline, don’t you think?”

Dean walks behind Sam, pretending to look over his shoulder at his computer screen, but the second Sam stops watching him, he licks his finger and sticks it in Sam’s ear.

“Ew! Dean, _gross_!” Sam complains, wiping his ear. “Real adult. I bet an older guy like Cas will be really impressed by something like that.”

“I dunno, he didn’t seem to mind when it was my tongue in his ear,” Dean says, purposely baiting him.

“Oh my god!” Sam exclaims, covering his ears and shouting, “Lalalala!”

Dean can’t wipe the grin off of his face. Harassing his younger brother is one of his favorite things to do, and freaking him out over having sex never gets old. “Don’t stay up too late, and don’t forget to lock the door.”

“Yeah, yeah. See you in the morning, freak,” Sam says as Dean walks to his bedroom. “Tell your boyfriend I say hi.”

Dean doesn’t dignify that with a response. Especially since he _is_ going to his room to text Cas.

 **DEAN:** Made it home :)

Cas doesn't text back right away, so Dean tosses his phone onto his bed, changes into a pair of pajama pants and goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face before bed. It’s just after nine, but considering he barely slept a wink last night, he’s fucking beat.

He usually sleeps shirtless, but he doesn’t really want to take Cas’s shirt off, so he leaves it on and gets into bed after turning his bedroom light off. Still no text from Cas. He looks at the pictures of the two of them together, grinning at the one of Cas kissing him on the cheek and thinking about how good they look together. He gives it another ten minutes, scrolling through his Facebook and Twitter feeds before he texts Cas again.

 **DEAN:** Turning in early tonight since I slept like shit last night. Had a great day with you today. I’ll talk to you in the morning <3

He sets his alarm, plugs his phone in, and rolls over to go to sleep. Despite his best intentions though, he can’t resist reaching for his phone every couple of minutes to see if he maybe didn’t hear Cas’s text come in. He never goes this long without answering him, and it’s making Dean rethink their day in an entirely different light.

He tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. He tries not to jump to conclusions. But this is the first time in a really long time that it’s taken Cas this long to answer him when he's not at work, and he feels his throat closing up in the privacy of his room.

Was Cas not as into him as he was into Cas? He seemed like he was. It was Cas that initiated everything. He held his hand, kissed him, started touching him and kissing his neck...

Fuck.

What if Cas was only in it for the sex?

What if he got off and now he doesn’t want anything to do with him?

Dean suddenly wonders if this is what a chick feels like after she has sex on the first date and the guy never calls her back. Fuck. He feels like an idiot. He feels used and disgusting and easy...

No wait.

What if Cas is pissed ‘cause Dean didn’t want to have sex? He didn’t seem like he was, but he brought it up more than once, and he’s pretty sure Cas wouldn’t have said no if Dean wanted to. He’s older than him. Maybe he thinks it was juvenile to dry hump on the couch like a bunch of teenagers.

He doesn’t fucking know. All he knows for sure is he obviously didn’t measure up in some way and now Cas is shutting him out.

He checks his phone for what feels like the twentieth time in the last hour (so much for going to sleep early) and there’s still nothing from Cas.

He’d really liked him, too. This is going to be so fucking embarrassing to explain to Sam and everybody else who watches the show whenever it airs. Fuck.  

He drifts off to sleep eventually and manages to sleep through the night.

He wakes to his alarm going off, and he grumbles as he rolls over to turn it off.

His heart leaps when he sees a text message waiting for him. He mentally berates himself for thinking so little of Cas when he clicks the message open and sees that it's from an unlisted number.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Dean-o!

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Castiel’s older, funnier, and much better looking brother here

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Seems like your boy toy lost his phone

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** I know what you’re thinking...

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** *dramatic gasp of horror*

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** WHAT WILL WE DO NOW, OH WISE ONE?

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** But it’s not a big deal.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Your love muffin called me from the neighbor’s in a tizzy, worried that his strapping young boyfriend would think he fucked and ducked

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Good job on getting him to put out on the first date btw. Didn’t know he had in him.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Or was it the other way around? ;)

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Anywho. He didn’t want to call in case you were asleep and he woke you up. (Awww)

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** I’m going to pick up him at lunch and talk him into a new iPhone.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** You’re welcome.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Hope you didn’t lose any beauty sleep. Not that you need it if my brother’s babbling was anything to go by.

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** I’m sure Castiel will call you the second his phone’s set up

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** And I’m keeping this number :D

 **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** Happy Monday!

Dean just stares as he scrolls through all the messages and reads them one by one. Jesus. Gabriel is just as eccentric as Cas has made him out to be. Then what he actually read sinks in and he falls flat onto his back on his bed and takes in a huge sigh of relief.

Cas isn’t pissed, he didn’t just use him to get off, and he really does like him.

God. He really does have self esteem issues. He was so ready to believe the worst in Cas after he’d been nothing but kind and affectionate in person. He gives his head a shake and starts getting ready for the day. He showers, dresses, eats, and makes sure Sam gets off to school okay before he drives to work. He gets there early enough to order Cas’s carburetor and thinks even Cas will be happy with how cheap he got it for. Says seven to ten business days for delivery though, so it might be cutting it close for him to bring to Cas the next time he visits.

He almost jumps out of his skin when he feels a smack on the back of his head. He hadn’t heard Bobby come up behind him.

“You still day dreamin’, boy?” Bobby asks him.

“Relax. I’m not even on the clock yet,” Dean reminds him.

“Then what’re you doin’ over here orderin’ parts?”

And Dean figures this is as good a time as any to tell Bobby about Cas. He swallows and squares his shoulders before he turns to look his uncle in the face and says, “It’s for my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend, huh?” Bobby asks, not giving anything away based on his expression or tone of voice. “What happened to that girl you’ve been all moon-eyed over?”

“There was no girl. Cas is a guy.”

Bobby squints his eyes at him in confusion. Finally, he asks, “Is this one of them pronoun things you young kids are doin’ these days?"

“No,” Dean says with a bit of a chuckle. “Cas is short for Castiel. Here,” he says, fishing his phone out of his pocket and showing Bobby one of the pictures of him and Cas from yesterday. “See?”

Bobby takes his phone and before he can say anything, he swipes and sees the one of Cas kissing Dean on the cheek. “Well ain’t that the cutest thing I ever saw,” Bobby says, his lip twitching and his voice thick with sarcasm.

“Gimme that,” Dean says, grabbing it back from him and stuffing it back in his pocket.

“Are we s’posed to paint each other's nails and have some chick flick moment now when I tell ya I don’t give a rat’s ass about who you do the dirty with?” Bobby asks him.

“No!” Dean says quickly, horrified by the thought. Then he stops and thinks. “Well, unless you do care, I guess, then yeah, we’re gonna have to talk about it.”

Bobby just shoots him an unamused look. “What kinda hunk of junk is this boy of yours drivin’ that he needs a carburetor this old anyway?”

“He’s got an old Lincoln Continental,” Dean tells him.

Bobby snorts. “Well, you sure know how to pick ‘em. Talk to Rufus before you buy anything else. If memory serves, he’s got an old rust bucket on his property somewhere that used to be a Lincoln. Might be there’s a couple a parts left.”

“Yeah? That’d be awesome. Thanks Uncle Bobby.”

“Am I your uncle here, boy?” Bobby reminds him.

“No, sir. Sorry, sir. Thank you, sir,” Dean says, grinning like the little shit he is.

“Get to work, ya idjit. And bring that boy around sometime so I can make sure he’s treatin’ you like the princess you are.”

Dean can’t wipe the smile off of his face. He keeps checking his phone but doesn’t hear anything from Cas all morning. He digs into his lunch - leftover spaghetti Sam must have made himself for dinner last night - and finishes it off with a coffee to keep him awake for the afternoon. He’s got ten minutes left of his lunch when his phone rings.

It says _unknown number_ again and Dean only has a split second to wonder if he’s about to meet Cas’s brother over the phone before he answers it.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas’s voice answers.

“Hey,” Dean replies, his voice noticeably softer.

“Did you get Gabriel’s message last night?”

“Uh, no. Nothing until this morning,” Dean tells him.

“Oh, Dean. Tell me you weren’t thinking the worst?”

Dean’s quiet while he tries to think about how to answer that without pissing him off.

“Shit. I knew you’d do that,” Cas laments, taking his silence as an admission. “I’m so sorry. I still have no idea where my phone went, and I spent all night looking for it. I wanted to text you as soon as you left because I could tell I wasn’t the only one caught off guard by how hard it was to say goodbye.”

“It’s not your fault I thought the worst. I shouldn’t have. You’ve been so good to me, Cas.”

“Were you alright, though? With the drive home and then not hearing from me?” Cas checks.

“Drive home was okay. I had a hard time falling asleep ‘cause I kept checking to see if you texted yet, but it wasn't like I was crying or anything,” Dean explains.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that, but I wouldn’t have judged you if you were. I know I was awfully close to tears myself watching you pull out of the parking lot.”

“Really?” Dean asks softly.

“Really,” Cas replies. “I knew I had feelings for you, Dean, but seeing you and being with you for real... I had no idea just how much I really cared about you until then. It broke my heart to have to let you go so soon.”

Dean has to swallow down some of the things he’s feeling. “Yeah, I was definitely feeling some of that, too. Had to take a minute in the hall before I could go get in the car without embarrassing myself.”

“Were you upset?”

“Sorta. But it was no big deal.”

“Dean,” Cas sighs. “I know you’re probably going to get really tired of hearing this really fast, but I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. A lot. I, uh, ordered your carburetor this morning. I emailed you the receipt and our pictures earlier.”

“I can’t wait to see them again. I’ve been talking about you non-stop. I’m pretty sure my co-workers at the post office started tuning me out even before I left for my route this morning,” Cas admits, making Dean’s heart feel like it’s going to spill over.

“Good thing you work alone a lot of the time, huh? This your new phone, by the way?”

“Yes! I have an iPhone now, thanks to Gabriel." He says it like he can hardly believe it. "I have no idea how to do anything but call you on it."

“Holy shit. An iPhone? We can FaceTime, Cas!” Dean says excitedly.

“Video call? Where we can see each other’s faces while we talk?”

“Yeah, we can. It’s as close to actually being next to each other as we can possibly get,” Dean says.

“That sounds... amazing. I would like that a lot!” Cas says, now sounding just as excited as Dean.

“God, me too. It’s gonna make being apart so much easier.”

“Will you walk me through it tonight?” Cas asks.

“You bet. I can send you those pictures right now, too. You can have them in about five seconds after we hang up.”

“Really? This is all very exciting.”

“Welcome to the 2010s, babe," Dean says grinning.

“I should’ve made this a priority a long time ago."

“Don’t worry about that now. It worked out, right?”

“I have you. Everything worked out, as far as I’m concerned,” Cas answers.

“Shit. You’re making me blush again.”

“Hmm I can’t wait to see that later tonight. You’re very adorable when your cheeks get all pink. It makes your freckles stand out.”

Dean huffs out a breath, pleased in spite of himself. “You and my freckles.”

“You and _your_ freckles. Not my fault they’re the cutest things I’ve ever seen.”

“I am not cute," Dean argues. "I am tough and manly.”

“Oh, right, my mistake. I forgot that was the vibe you were going for when you were hiding your face in my shirt.”

“Cut it out,” Dean tells him, but he knows Cas can hear his smile in his voice. “Speaking of shirts -"

“Excellent change of subject, freckles,” Cas comments.

“Don’t call me that!” Dean sputters through his laughter. “What I was _going to say_ before you rudely interrupted me is that I slept in your shirt last night.”

“Aw! If you could see me right now, you’d know that I’ve melted into a puddle on the floor.”

“Screw you, I’m never telling you anything embarrassing ever again,” Dean grins.

“Do you feel better now than you did this morning, though?” Cas asks, suddenly serious.

“Course I do. You always make me feel better.”

“I could say the same about you. Listen, I only work until eight at the Gas n Sip tonight, so I’ll text you once I get home around 8:30? Then you can tell me how to do the video thing?” Cas asks uncertainty.

He’s so cute how he’s like a little old man when it comes to technology that Dean can’t help the smile that’s tugging at his lips. “Yeah, that sounds great, Cas.”

“Then I’ll be able to see your smile instead of just hearing it.”

Dean snorts. “You know me too well, babe.”

“I also know your lunch is almost over,” he answers.

Dean looks up at the clock and sees he’s right. “Yeah. I gotta go. I’ll send you those pictures.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you soon, freckles."

“Goddammit, Cas,” he says with a laugh, and then he hangs up as Castiel’s laughter trickles through the speaker.

He’s still smiling and shaking his head at him when he sends all three pictures. And because he’s feeling brave in the moment, he posts them all on Facebook with a single heart as the caption and changes his relationship status to _in a relationship._

He’s done hiding.

Plus, it’s not like it’s not gonna come out once the episode of Catfish airs. Might as well beat the rush.

His afternoon passes without incident, and he throws together a massive platter of nachos for him and Sam for dinner. After they eat until they both feel like they’re going to burst, Dean works on the laundry while Sam takes care of the dishwasher. Since Sam made him lunch last night, he makes both of them sandwiches and tries to remind himself to stop at the grocery store on the way home tomorrow because they’re almost out of bread.

Once they’re both done their chores for the night, Sam heads to his room, so Dean does the same. He gets into pajama pants and pulls off his shirt. He gets comfortable on his bed, puts _Arrested Development_ on his laptop for background noise, and then opens up Facebook to see his notifications from posting his pictures earlier.

His jaw drops when he sees his post has hundreds of likes and 87 comments.

He’s never had anything on social media anywhere get that kind of reaction, and he’s already grimacing, anticipating the worst when he starts scrolling through the comments. But he’s pleasantly surprised. Most of the comments are saying stuff about how happy he looks and congratulating him for coming out. There’s a handful of people asking him how he managed to find somebody as good looking as he is, and a few saying they didn’t know he swung that way, but there isn’t a single negative comment and he wipes away the tears streaming down his face without even knowing when they started.

He’s officially out and he didn’t even get any shit for it. Everybody knows Cas is a guy, that they’re together, and they can even tell that he’s happier today than he’s been in years. He can’t wait to tell Cas!

Like Cas told him, it’s around 8:30 when he gets a text from him.

 **CAS:** Hey freckles :P

 **DEAN:** To think I was sitting here waiting for this abuse

 **CAS:** Abuse? No! It’s flattery, Dean. F l a t t e r y.

 **DEAN:** Agree to disagree ;) How was your shift?

 **CAS:** Haven’t been able to stop smiling since I talked to you last. Even my boss commented on how happy I was :)

 **DEAN:** That makes ME happy. You ready to video chat or do you need some time to take a load off first?

 **CAS:** As long as you don’t mind that I eat while we talk, I’m ready!

 **DEAN:** Don’t mind at all!

 **DEAN:** Instructions: There is a green icon on your screen that says FaceTime. Tap it.

Dean's confused when there's a long pause before Cas answers him.

 **CAS:** I don’t have that icon, Dean :(

Dean laughs and shakes his head at his boyfriend.

 **DEAN:** You’ve gotta. Maybe you have to swipe to the next screen.

 **CAS:** … I didn’t know there was more than one screen. You’re right. I see it now. What on earth are all of these icons for? How could anybody possibly need this many things on their phone?

 **DEAN:** Don’t worry about that for now lol After you tap the FaceTime icon there’s a thing up at the top that says video/audio. Click the video one. Type my name in and hit the little video icon beside it.

Dean grins as his phone lights up with an incoming video call. He accepts, and then he sees Cas squinting down at his phone like the old man that he is deep inside and he feels his grin spread even wider before Cas has even said a word.

“Dean?” Cas asks, shouting a little louder than strictly necessary.

“You look like a little old man squinting down at your phone like that,” Dean teases him.

Cas’s eyes go a little wide when he sees and hears Dean come through loud and clear, and then replies, “You probably looked the same way when you did this for the first time.” He’s still talking way too loud and Dean’s trying really hard not to laugh at him.

“You don’t need to shout, baby,” Dean tells him, grinning again. Cas sticks his tongue out at him and Dean starts laughing. “God it’s good to see your face again.”

“Are you naked?” Cas asks suddenly.

Dean looks down at his bare chest and laughs nervously. “No, man. I just don’t have a shirt on because I’m in bed.”

“You sleep with no shirt on? I thought you said you slept in my shirt last night?” Cas’s head is tilted to the side the way he does when he’s confused and Dean figures he really should’ve known that seeing him do this adorable shit on the screen would make his heart turn to mush.

“Yeah, well, that was a special exception,” Dean explains, feeling slightly embarrassed. Before Cas can comment on it, Dean asks, “What’re you eating for dinner?”

Cas gestures to the cardboard rectangle in front of him. “Frozen dinner. Spaghetti bolognese.”

Dean frowns. “Those things are nasty.”

“They go on sale for ninety-nine cents sometimes. They’re not that bad.”

“When I come back, we’re hitting a grocery store and I’m gonna cook you an actual meal,” Dean promises.

“A man who looks like you _and_ who can cook? I certainly hit the jackpot,” Cas comments.

“Don’t forget it,” Dean says, feigning seriousness.

Cas smiles and Dean doesn’t know how he’s gone his whole life without knowing what a beautiful sight that is. “How was your day, Dean?”

“I’m pretty beat since I slept like shit the last two nights. But uh, something kinda cool happened.”

“Oh? I’m intrigued.”

“Well after we talked this afternoon I was feeling pretty good. Really good, actually.”

“So was I,” Cas interrupts to add, which only bolsters Dean’s confidence more.

“And I sorta went for it and posted our pictures on Facebook with a heart, you know, and put that I’m in a relationship. People put two and two together and now I’m kinda out to everybody,” he says, still thinking about how crazy it is not to have to hide who he really is anymore.

Cas’s face had gone soft as he started talking and now he’s looking at him with so much pride and affection Dean can barely stand to look at him. He doesn't deserve all that.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you, Dean. You have no idea. How did everybody take the news?”

“Dude, that’s the craziest part! I had _hundreds_ of notifications and there wasn’t a single mean comment! I still can’t even believe it.”

“That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you. I wish I could hug you.”

“Twelve days,” Dean reminds him, his heart racing at the idea.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one counting down the days,” Cas responds. “I have to tell you, every time I walk into a different room in my apartment I kind of stop and think, _Dean was in my living room. Dean was in my bathroom. Dean was in my bedroom_.” Dean laughs along with Cas. “I know it’s ridiculous, but it makes me smile every time. After so long, I finally had you in my life for real.”

“We gotta get you here sometime before I move so I can have that, too,” Dean says. “Actually, I told Bobby about you this morning, and he wants to meet you.”

“Maybe that’s what we can do for my vacation this summer,” Cas offers. “If you’re going to drive here twice, then it’s the least I can do to spend the week with you at your place.”

“Yeah, that’d be awesome! And I guess I wasn’t totally clear before, but I don’t wanna just come back the one time. I can come see you whenever you want me to s’long as you’re not working,” Dean explains.

Cas leans towards the phone a little closer. “You mean you’d come see me a few times a month? Indefinitely?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, ‘course I will. Talking to you is good, you know, but being able to be with you and touch you and stuff...”

“Not in a creepy way?” Cas teases.

“I thought we established we both kinda liked that,” Dean replies. He’s surprised when Cas’s cheeks turn a little pink. “You turning shy on me now?”

“Not _shy_ exactly. It’s just that I’ve thought about what happened between us on the couch quite a bit, and I just worry that you think I took advantage of you or moved too quickly.”

Dean huffs out a laugh. “That’s not how I remember it all.”

“Truly?”

“C’mon, Cas. You gotta know I was into it,” Dean reminds him. There’s no way Cas could think he wasn’t.

“Yes, but the first time we met? I shouldn’t have even made that kind of move. It was disrespectful.”

“Well, again, I’m gonna have to remind you that all you did is kiss my neck and then _I_ was the one who turned over, spread my legs, and pulled you on top of me.”

Cas’s mouth opens to protest and then closes again a moment later. “You did, didn’t you?”

Dean just raises his eyebrows. “Wasn’t just you. I wanted it - wanted you - from the first time we kissed.”

“ _That_ I remember,” Cas says with a smile. “You seemed like you wanted to crawl right into my skin.”

Dean blushes a little bit, but he can’t even deny it. “I’ve never had that kinda connection with somebody right off the bat like that. It was so fucking hot.”

“I’m sure it will be interesting to see that moment played back on television.”

Dean flushes violently thinking about it. He already knows it’s going to be super embarrassing, but he couldn’t find it in him to care in the moment. “Yeah, really looking forward to the whole world seeing what a needy bottom I am,” Dean says sarcastically.

Cas chokes on the bite of spaghetti and once Dean realizes what he just admitted to, he can feel his face burn impossibly hotter. Cas is still coughing, and Dean watches helplessly as he holds up a finger while he takes a drink of water.

Finally, Dean says, “You okay?”

“I’m good. You just caught me slightly off guard.”

“Can we not talk about that right now?” Dean pleads.

“I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to make coherent sentences if we did,” Cas replies.

Dean’s pulse is racing and he can see his blush spread all the way down his chest on the screen. Fuck this is embarrassing. “Talk about something else,” Dean prompts him.

“You’re just going to have to give me a moment to derail my tortuous brain’s current trail of thought,” Cas says, but he’s grinning at him now and Dean can tell he’s mostly joking. “I suppose I can always distract myself by counting your freckles,” he offers.

Dean rolls his eyes dramatically. “So this is a thing now, huh?”

“It appears so, yes,” Cas answers happily.

“I’m gonna find something embarrassing about you that I can tease you for then.”

“I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, since teasing you seems to be one of my favorite ways to show affection. When I can’t touch you, of course.”

“I like the hand holding and shit way better than this Freckles BS,” Dean says.

“Yes, I know you do,” Cas says with a soft smile on his face. “I feel bad that physical contact is obviously so important to you when we’re in a long-distance relationship.”

“I dunno. I never really thought about myself like that before. The few times I was with somebody more than once, they’d try to cuddle at night or whatever and it always made me feel claustrophobic,” Dean tells him.

“Is that so?” Cas asks, and Dean nods his answer. “Well, I’m definitely going to be disappointed if you don’t let me hold you when you stay over.” And to put the cherry on top of his statement, Cas sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

“You’re cute, you know that? I wouldn’t be able to say no to that face anyway, but so far things’ve felt different with you.”

“Because you’re so attracted to me, you think?” Cas asks.

“Maybe? I was sorta thinking it was ‘cause there was already an emotional attachment or whatever. I didn’t feel like you were smothering me because I genuinely wanted to be close to you. Wanted to for a long time.”

“I like hearing that,” Cas says with another smile. “You were always so careful talking about how you felt about me before we met.”

“Yeah, well it was pretty freakin’ hard feeling everything I felt when I didn’t even know for sure you were you. I was scared if I told you everything and you were secretly some old dude I’d feel all gross,” Dean says with a crooked smile. “Thought if I didn’t say it then it’d be less real.”

“But you still went ahead and took the steps towards moving here to be closer to me.”

“Without telling you,” Dean adds. “Then if it didn’t work I never had to mention it.” Cas rolls his eyes but Dean’s unashamed. “But I was obviously optimistic to look into it, right? I get points for that!”

Cas inclines his head. “I suppose you do.”

“Yus!” Dean exclaims, cheering for himself.

“Want to rack up some more points?”

“Always,” Dean answers right away. He knows it’s only a matter of time before he screws up and needs them.

“Hmmm. Well, you could tell me I’m the best boyfriend you’ve ever had,” Cas says, obviously mostly teasing if the smirk on his face is anything to go by.

“You _are_ the best boyfriend I’ve ever had. Even if you didn’t win by default,” Dean laughs.

Cas tilts his head to the side. “I knew you’ve never slept with a guy, but I didn’t realize you’ve never dated one.”

“We never really talked about our dating history or whatever,” Dean says with a shrug. “I wasn’t trying to hide it from you.”

“No, no, I know that. That’s not what I meant. I just assumed you had, I suppose, and I was surprised. You seemed very at ease with me.”

“I was. But I don’t think that had anything to do with you bein’ a dude. I think it’s just you.”

Cas’s eyes go soft and he replies, “Aw, that's sweet. Thank you.” Predictably, Dean blushes. “What about your girlfriends then?”

“Am I supposed to say you’re my favorite girlfriend, too?” Dean jokes.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Dean just laughs, proud of his joke even if Cas didn’t laugh. “Never really had one of those either. I had a hard enough time proving I could support Sam on my own when I turned 18. There wasn't any time for girlfriends between that, finishing up school, and working.” Cas is blinking at him with this weird, closed-off look Dean’s never seen on his face. “What’s that face for?”

Cas schools his expression into something more neutral, but Dean can tell it’s not natural. “Sorry. I just didn’t realize this is technically your first relationship.”

“Why’s that a bad thing? And don’t bother sayin' it’s not ‘cause I already saw your face,” Dean reminds him.

“I was operating under the assumption that this relationship could someday be a serious one. You talking about moving here made me think you were on the same page, but -”

“I _am_ on the same page,” Dean interrupts.

“But you’re never even been with anybody else!” Cas finishes, like that has anything to do with anything. “You really think you’d potentially settle down with the only boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve ever had? Don’t you have wild oats to sow or something?”

“If I wanted to sow oats or screw around or whatever I coulda been doing it the whole time we were talking before we met. We never said we wouldn’t, but I didn’t want to because I only care about _you_.” How can he not get that? “Come on, babe.”

Cas rubs a hand over his face while he exhales loudly. “I’m sorry. We’ve known each other one day and we’re talking about settling down? This is ridiculous.”

Something inside Dean runs cold. Cas is _always_ the one to say how they’ve known each other for a year and a half and face to face means nothing when it comes to feelings. And now this? All of the sudden?

“Not buyin’ it,” Dean says sternly. “You wanna get scared or somethin’ ‘cause you finally figured out I don’t know what I’m doing here, and bail? That’s on you. But don’t insult what we have by saying we’ve only known each other for a day when we both know that’s not true.”

Now Dean gets to watch as Cas drags both hands through his hair and makes it stick up adorably. “You really do know me too well,” Cas offers sadly. “You're right. Learning that this is your first relationship is scary for me. It just seemed to hit me all of the sudden that I’m at the age where I’m dating to actively try to find the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, and you might not feel the same way being 21.”

“Why not just ask that?”

“Because I don’t want to be right,” Cas answers.

“Well, good news then, ‘cause you’re not.” Dean’s voice comes out a little harder than he meant it to, and he can see Cas flinch on the screen.

“I pissed you off,” Cas guesses.

Dean snorts with derision. “Ya think?”

“I didn’t mean to,” Cas replies. “I have all of these big plans for us in my mind and I reacted poorly when I thought they were coming crashing down around me.”

Dean frowns. “You told me yesterday that you’d reassure me of how much you cared about me and that you wanted to be with me every day if I needed you to, then it took you all of ten seconds to try and tell me what we have is ridiculous,” Dean says, trying to hide how hurt he is.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Dean. I just - this has been an emotional few days. Finding out Sam called Catfish on me, being on a television show, meeting you, telling you about Jimmy, losing my phone. I’m feeling a little frazzled right now, and I reacted badly. I didn’t mean what I said. Will you forgive me?”

Dean sighs heavily. “It’s not like I’m gonna dump you or anything.”

“And I wasn’t going to break up with you, either. I really do care about you so much. You mean more to me than you probably even realize, and I _will_ reassure you of that whenever you need me to. Night or day, I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel like that wasn’t true, even if it was only for a minute.”

“I know you like me. That’s how I knew what you said was bullshit,” Dean replies.

“So you do believe me, deep down?”

“Yeah, guess I do. Be pretty helpful if you wouldn’t say shit like you just did, though,” Dean tells him.

“I know. I shouldn’t have said that.” He sighs heavily again. “I wish I was there so that I could comfort you for real. Telling you that I care about you just isn’t enough. I want to be able to hold your hand and touch your face. Make you feel like you’re as special to me as you really are.”

“Makes me feel a little better hearing you say that, at least,” Dean confesses. “A hug would be nice, though.”

“Maybe Sam will hug you if you ask?” Cas asks, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

“Are you kidding? No maybe about it. That kid would still hold my hand to cross the street if I let him. But a hug from him isn’t the same as a hug from you. Only you ever made me feel as good as I felt when we were together.”

“Probably because you’ve never been in another relationship,” Cas offers.

“And because I’ve never had these kinds of feelings before.”

“Care to elaborate?” Cas asks.

“I would, but I don't know how else to say that I like you more than I’ve ever liked anybody before.”

Cas smiles happily at him, so that must be good. “That’s perfect. I like hearing that.”

“Sorry if I don’t say it enough, or whatever. I’m not used to this kinda thing.”

“You tell me plenty,” Cas says. “And I’m sure now that we’ve actually met that you’ll be more forthcoming.”

“I’ll try to be. Just let me know if I’m being a sucky boyfriend.”

“Are we okay, Dean?” Cas asks.

Dean shrugs. “I’m still a little hurt over how fast you jumped ship, but I’m not mad. You okay?”

“I would prefer if I didn’t hurt you, but I suppose I can’t change that now. Is there anything I can say to make you feel better?”

“Nah, nothing I can think of. Maybe when we hang up you can take a selfie and send it to me, though? I don’t have anywhere near enough pictures of you.”

“If I can figure out how to do that, I definitely will. I know pictures of you always brightened my day whenever you sent me one. It’s nice to be able to do the same for you now.”

Dean nods. “If you need help, I can walk you through it.”

“What would I do without you?”

“Probably be fine,” Dean teases, but Cas’s face falls quickly.

“You have no idea how far from the truth that is. You are easily one of the most important people in my life, and I would be a wreck without you,” Cas tells him seriously.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that, so I guess I better stick around,” Dean says, teasing him to try to turn the conversation back to neutral topics.

“Twelve days and I can give you the hug I owe you,” Cas declares.

“I should make a spreadsheet to keep track,” Dean jokes.

“I’d be more than willing to live up to that. Add about a dozen kisses so far, too, since that’s how many times I’ve thought I’d like to have my lips on yours during this video chat.”

“A dozen kisses would get us in some real trouble,” Dean reminds him.

“My favorite kind of trouble,” Cas answers with a sexy smirk.

Dean feels a bolt of arousal shoot through him from just the look on his boyfriend’s face. “Yeah, you’re definitely gonna kill me.”

Cas huffs out a laugh. “That kind of reminds me. I was thinking... what we did together wasn’t exactly safe sex. Have you ever been tested for STDs?”

Dean balks at the question. “Volunteer to have some doctor check out my junk? Yeah, no thanks.”

Cas snorts in amusement. “Well, I was going to suggest getting tested so we could go without condoms while we’re together, but if you prefer plastic between your dick and my mouth, that’s your choice, of course.”

Dean tries to swallow past his suddenly very, very dry mouth. “Okay, but the chances of catching something from oral is basically nil.”

“But _not_ nil, and not something I’m willing to take a chance with, either. I’m perfectly happy to use condoms on you, though I’d suggest you pick up some flavored ones because otherwise they taste nasty and I’d almost definitely pass if that was my only option. That being said, I don’t particularly like condoms myself, so I’ve made an appointment to get checked this week. You trust me to stay faithful once I’ve showed you the test saying I’m clean, right?”

Dean’s brain is going a little crazy with thinking about Cas sucking him off (with flavored condoms, apparently), thinking about how Cas won’t need a condom, and how if they actually fuck sometime Cas could go totally bareback and he’s understandably having a hard time following the conversation. “Sorry, my mind’s stuck in the gutter. What?”

“If I get tested and show you clean results, do you trust me to stay faithful so I don’t have to use condoms?”

“Oh,” Dean replies stupidly. “Yeah. I trust you. Where, uh, do you go get tested? Have you done it before?”

“Once. It was years ago, though, and me and the guy I was with broke up before we could take advantage of the results. I was clean then, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I go to Planned Parenthood since it’s covered by my health insurance and I can get in faster there than with my doctor.”

“What do they do?” Dean asks.

“If I remember correctly, there’s a blood sample, urine sample, exam, and a swab.”

“A swab? From where?”

Cas raises his eyebrows. “Where do you think?”

Dean barely suppresses a full body shudder. “Doesn’t that hurt!?”

“It’s not my favorite thing in the world, but it only lasts a second,” Cas answers.

“I don’t know if I could do it,” Dean admits.

“I’m not trying to pressure you. It’s your body and your choice, I just wanted to be clear about what my limits are. And again, I’m not saying anything sexual has to happen between us when you come back, I just want to be prepared in case we get carried away.”

“You know it’s gonna happen,” Dean grins. “I couldn’t keep my hands off of you if I tried.”

“And I’m nowhere near strong enough to tell you no,” Cas grins back. “I’m just saying -”

“You don’t have to say, Cas. I know it’s not just about sex with you. Makes sense that we’d _do stuff_ when we’re together since we can’t the rest of the time.”

“I’m glad you know that. It's nice to know we're on the same page, especially since you'll probably throw yourself at me again,” Cas teases.

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet,” Dean jokes back.

“Well, as much as I would love to keep talking to you, I still have laundry to catch up from yesterday before I go to bed tonight, so I think I’d better... hang up? Do you say hang up for a video call?”

Dean chuckles happily. “Hang up is fine. I’m probably gonna turn in early since I slept like shit the last two nights, but I’ll send you a text before I fall asleep.”

“And I’ll try to figure out the selfie thing, too. I hope you sleep better tonight, freckles,” Cas says, his whole face lighting up from the endearment.

“Yeah, yeah, your time is coming,” Dean promises, not nearly as annoyed as he pretends to be.

“I look forward to it. It was extremely nice to see your face while talking to you. Made it feel more like you were here,” Cas says.

“Same. I’ll talk to you later, babe.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

Dean ends the call, closes his laptop and tucks it under his bed before he flops back on it. That conversation was really all over the place - which really isn’t unusual for the two of them - but he really did love seeing Cas’s face. He knows it’s not going to get old anytime soon. He gets up to use the bathroom and brush his teeth before he checks to make sure everything’s turned off for the night and heads back to bed.

He flicks off his light, texts Cas a quick goodnight, and falls asleep easily for the first time in two nights.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean wakes up Tuesday morning feeling really rested for the first time in days. He still groans when his alarm goes off, because he always does, but there’s a small smile on his face when he sees the text from Cas.

 

 **CAS:** Good morning, freckles. I hope you slept well.

 **CAS:** It took me some time, but I did eventually manage to take a photo of myself that I believe is at least somewhat flattering.

 **CAS:** I’m glad you’re not awake yet, because it’s also taking some time to figure out how to attach said photo

 **CAS:** There’s no paper clip to click to attach the photo. This is very frustrating. I’m just going to go with common sense and assume the camera is beside the text box for a reason. I apologize if you suddenly get a photo of my nostril or something.

 **CAS:** (I can hear you laughing at me and have half a mind not to send the photo at all just to spite you)

 **CAS:** There. I hope this makes you wake up on the right side of the bed. I work 7-3 then 5-9 tonight, so I’ll text you on my first break even though I know you won’t get it until lunch. Have a good day! I miss you xoxoxo  
  
**ATTACHMENT:**

****

Dean loses more than a couple of minutes looking at the picture Cas sent. He’s laying in bed. His face is darker than it was when he saw him on Sunday, which means he must have gotten a lot of sun yesterday. Dean didn’t notice that when they were FaceTiming. Cas is still absolutely gorgeous. His hair is messier than he’s ever seen it, and Dean is struck by thoughts of how Cas might look just like this after giving a good blow job, but with his lips swollen and wet, and that beautiful blush on his cheeks.

His morning wood is definitely on board with the direction of his thoughts, but then he notices just how exhausted Cas looks in the photo and feels guilty for thinking those things at all. He doesn’t text back right away, knowing Cas isn’t going to get it yet anyway, and heads to the bathroom for his morning shower instead.

Considering Cas is his boyfriend now, he only feels a little bit weird for using the memory of the picture he sent him along with a replay of their frottage session a few days ago to get himself off in the shower. Once again, thoughts of Cas make him come embarrassingly fast, and as he comes down from his orgasm, he tells himself he better do this more often so that he can last the next time they’re together. Eleven days, he reminds himself.

He texts Cas back while he’s waiting for his bagel to toast.

 

 **DEAN:** Morning, hot stuff. That was one hell of a picture to wake up to. Since I’m your boyfriend now, I feel like it’s okay to say you provided my morning shower spank bank material, so thanks for that :P Not surprisingly, I have an extra spring in my step today all thanks to my incredibly hot boyfriend.

 **DEAN:** Wish you were here so I could get some post orgasm snuggles. Actually, I just wish you were here. I miss you. I hope your day’s going okay so far <3 11 days baby. 11 days xoxoxo

 

It isn’t until lunch time that he gets the chance to check Cas’s reply. Today’s going to be one of those days that they don’t actually get to talk much because their schedules don’t align. He knows Cas won’t get home until almost ten, so they likely won’t have time to talk much more than a few texts before he goes to bed. He hates these days more than anything, and he knows Cas does, too. Dean always tries not to bring it up because he doesn’t want Cas to worry about him anymore than he already does, but it’s hard.

He’s heating up his Chef Boyardee Ravioli in the microwave when he pulls his phone out.

 

 **CAS:** Next time can you provide some sort of warning that you’re about to inspire mental pornographic imagery before you arouse me while I’m at work? (And I do sincerely hope there’s a next time)

 **CAS:** I’m quite pleased I was directly responsible for starting your day off on the right foot even though I can’t be with you the way I yearn to be. How has it only be two days since I held your hand for the first time? It already feels like forever ago. I can barely remember the way you taste, and I hate that more than anything but the distance between us.

 **CAS:** It’s a beautiful day today. I’ve spent a lot of time wishing I could hop into the pools I’ve been walking past all day. With the way I smell right now (a delightful mixture of sunscreen and sweat, I’m sure) I’m not entirely certain you’d be up for a snuggle, but I’d be willing to give it to you anyway <3

 

Dean’s smiling as he types out his response.

 

 **DEAN:** I dunno, man, sounds like the smell of summer to me, and I’ve always kinda liked that. Bet it smells even better on you. I don’t know how you walk around outside in the heat all day long. I start sweating just walking from the garage to Baby when it’s this hot lol The only way I’m voluntarily spending that much time outside is if it’s on a lounge chair with an unlimited supply of ice cold beer.

 **DEAN:** And not that cheap shit you drink, either. Good beer. We actually got a really cool local brewery that makes the best beer. That’s what I’m gonna bring you when I come back. I know how giggly and sappy you get when you’re drunk, so I bet you’re adorable in person, too. With that laugh of yours and the little crinkles by your nose when you try not to laugh too hard.

 **DEAN:** man, I’m so totally gone on you lol don’t tell anybody, okay?

 

Dean checks his messages after work when he gets into the Impala.

 

 **CAS:** I’m glad the feeling is mutual, freckles :) I am at least as “gone on you” as you are on me, I can promise you that. The afternoon was as sweltering as I thought it would be. I had so much sunscreen on the back of my neck I felt like buttered popcorn hahaha Thankfully I had enough time between shifts to go home and take a quick shower.

 **CAS:** I’m almost looking forward to working at the store tonight, knowing it will be cool inside. The only downside, of course, is not being able to talk to you much (and being on my feet again). Actually, to be completely honest, I detest days like these. I feel closer to you when we’re able to have an actual conversation in real time.

 **CAS:** I feel like it’s worse this time. Missing you because I can’t talk to you is normal, but combined with missing being with you now, too, is making me miserable. I try to hide it when we talk because I don’t want to drag you down with me, but I suspect you feel the same way and avoid talking about it for the same reason.

 **CAS:** I’ll text you again when I catch my bus <3

 

Knowing he’s got time before Cas will read his reply, Dean runs to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things on his way home, including a fresh, ready-to-cook pizza and a Caesar salad he can throw together for dinner. He’s not a big fan of salads, but put enough dressing on it and it’s at least edible.

He preheats the oven while Sam puts the groceries away, and together, the two of them prep their salads and wait for the pizza to cook. The get into a conversation about Shakespeare - Sam’s reading Romeo and Juliet in English - that carries them through dinner and ends up accidentally helping Sam with the paper he has to write about it, so Dean’s feeling pretty good about himself by the time they clean up and go their separate ways for bed that night.

Dean spends some time Googling. He wants to do something nice for Cas since it sounds like he’s had a bit of a rough day. Now that they’re officially together, maybe he can cheer him up by having some flowers or one of those fruit bouquet things sent to him? None of the websites will deliver today since it’s so late now, though, and he doesn’t know if it makes any sense to send them if he won’t get them until tomorrow.

He’s all but given up on the idea when his phone lights up with a phone call from Cas at 9:15.

“Hey, babe,” he answers, smiling already from the unexpectedly early phone call.

“Hello, Dean. How are you?” Cas responds.

Dean can hear what sounds like traffic in the background but still notices Cas sounds a little off. “I’m good. Accidentally nailed the whole guardian slash older brother thing tonight, so that’s always a mood lifter. How ‘bout you? Did you get off work early or something?”

“I’m glad to hear you were able to help Sam,” Cas answers. “And no, I didn’t get off work early, but I did miss my bus.”

“Aw, Cas, that sucks! What’re you doing now?”

“Walking home.”

“After already spending all day on your feet? Why don’t you just wait for the next bus?”

“They only come hourly after nine. I can be home by the time the next bus comes,” Cas explains.

“Why don’t you call a cab -”

“I don’t have the money for a cab right now,” Cas interrupts him.

“- and I’ll send you the cash to cover it?” Dean finishes.

There’s a beat of silence before Castiel declines. “No, that’s completely unnecessary. I’ll be home in less than an hour.”

“Please let me do this for you,” Dean begs him. “I can’t do shit about taking care of you the way I want to when I’m so far away, but this is something I can actually do to make your day a little bit better. I can send you the money right now. You’ll have it ready to deposit into your bank account before you even walk through the door. Please, Cas? For me?”

Cas sighs loudly and Dean knows he’s got him.

“I’m hanging up to call a cab, and I’ll call you back when I get home.”

“Make sure to tell me how much it costs. I want a picture of the meter so I know you’re not lying to try to save me money,” Dean tells him.

“Yes, dear,” Cas says, and Dean can hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll talk to you soon. And thank you.”

“Anytime,” Dean replies, and he means it.

It’s only fifteen minutes later when Dean receives a picture of the meter on the cab showing he owes Cas a measly fourteen dollars. He sends him twenty with a smile, already knowing he’s going to get shit for it, but not caring in the least. Maybe Cas will have enough to buy himself a frozen coffee or something to get him through work some day, and it’s still less than half of what he would have ended up spending on flowers.

Another ten minutes pass where Dean assumes Cas is changing out of his Gas ‘N’ Sip uniform and getting ready for bed so he can do it all again the next day. He has no idea how he manages to work two jobs so often without collapsing of exhaustion. When his phone rings again, Cas is already talking before he can say hello.

“You sent me too much money, Dean,” Cas says, his voice firm.

“Did I?” Dean says, feigning innocence. “My finger must have slipped.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Cas responds.

“Nah, I just didn’t try all that hard. Buy yourself a frozen drink on me the next time you feel like you’re melting at work.”

“You already have yourself and Sam to support, I don’t want you spending your money on me,” Cas insists.

“Come on, man, it’s twenty bucks. I’ve got twenty bucks to spare, I promise. Plus, it was kinda selfish of me, too. I didn’t want to miss talking to you tonight when we didn’t really get to talk today,” Dean says.

“Are you trying to soften me up by being sweet?”

“That depends. Is it gonna work?”

“I’m afraid it just might,” Cas admits.

“Ya know, before you called I was actually trying to find a place that would deliver flowers to you tonight.”

“Flowers? What for?” Cas asks.

“I dunno. You sounded like you had a bad day, I was missing you, and I just wanted to do something to cheer you up,” Dean explains.

“That’s… the sweetest thing, Dean. Thank you.”

“Well, I never found a place, so don’t thank me yet,” Dean explains.

“You did help me get home sooner, though. And that’s appreciated just as much as flowers would have been.” Cas sighs heavily. “I did have a bit of a day. I try not to complain about it because I know it’s my choice, but working two jobs and having little to no time for myself stretches me thin on some days.”

“Babe,” Dean sighs sadly, his heart wrenching for him. “I’ve told you a thousand times I don’t know how you do it. I hate that you feel like that. I just wanna… fuck, I wanna shove you into pajamas, wrap you up in blankets, feed you, play with your hair, and not let you leave the house for days until you’re well rested and bored for once.”

Cas lets out a soft little huff of laughter. “That’s quite the picture you’ve painted there. Is that what taking care of somebody looks like to you?”

“Taking care of somebody who’s been overworked since the day I met him, yeah. Why, you don’t like my game plan?”

“Honestly? It sounds heavenly,” Cas admits.

“Well, we’re doin’ that when I get there then. From the minute you walk in the house after your shift on Saturday, you’re doing nothing but things you want to do, and no grown-up adulting shit. Just relaxing.”

“You just want an excuse to cuddle me for twenty-four hours straight,” Cas accuses him.

“Fuckin’ right I do,” Dean says, not even willing to deny it. “I wish I could be there right now to scoop you up and squeeze you until you feel better.”

“I had no idea you were such a teddy bear, Dean,” Cas replies.

“I blame you. You make me feel all fuzzy and shit.”

“Mmmhmm. I admit, I have a bit of a soft spot for the ways in which you romance me,” Cas says, and Dean loves that he can hear his smile in his voice.

“You know me. I’ve got a way with words.”

“You really do, though,” Cas tells him.

“Now I know you’ve got a soft spot for me, ‘cause there’s no way that’s true.”

“No really!” Cas argues. “You don’t always speak one hundred percent correctly all the time, but there’s never any guesswork with what you’re trying to say. You’re actually impeccably charming, which I know you know. You know when to pull out that smile of yours and flash it whenever you think it’ll help the situation.”

“Figure I might as well use it while I have it. I’m not sure my face is gonna be this pretty when I’m forty.”

“I highly doubt that,” Cas says.

“Really?” Dean answers with a huff of laughter. “You can imagine girly lips like these lookin’ good on a forty year old?”

“I will admit I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about your lips being put to good use in many, many ways,” Cas says, causing Dean’s mouth to go dry and his face to fill with color. “But even I can say I’ve never thought about them on a forty year old.”

“Ha ha,” Dean says dryly, and Cas starts laughing at his own joke. “You think you’re so funny, huh?” Dean asks him, smiling along at the sound of his laugh.

“It was such a great build up. I’m a little proud of myself for that one,” Cas says.

“You got me going from zero to sixty and then right back down again in ten seconds.”

“Is that so? Me talking about thinking about your lips was doing things for you?”

Dean sputters. “We are so not having this conversation.”

“You brought it up!”

“Well… bring it down,” Dean says, still not operating at full capacity because of embarrassment.

“Can I ask you one teeny tiny related question?” Cas asks.

“One, but I don’t have to answer it if I don’t want to.”

“I’d never try to make you answer something you didn’t want to,” Cas assures him. But then he strikes like a snake as soon as Dean’s guard goes down. “Did you really think about me in the shower this morning?”

“Jesus Christ,” Dean replies, not at all used to saying these kinds of things out loud.

“I’m going to go ahead and take that as a yes,” Cas says, sounding happy. “I don’t know why that pleases me so much, but it really does.”

“Well, based on the results of thinking about you, I can pretty much guarantee you it won’t be the only time that happens,” Dean says, still embarrassed but willing to say just about anything to please Cas.

“Will you tell me?”

“The next time I - you know?” Dean clarifies, still hesitant to actually say what he’s really saying.

“Mmhm,” Cas answers.

“I… guess?” Dean answers, a little confused about this.

“I’m sure you can imagine the picture that paints for me. Flip it around and think about how you might feel if I told you I thought about you while I was touching myself.”

Yup. Yup, yup, yup. Dean can definitely understand why Cas might like hearing about that because just imagining it for a split second - or five - is definitely having an effect.

“Got it,” Dean replies.

Cas chuckles a bit. “I thought you might.”

“Gotta say, you’re not sounding so rough anymore,” Dean points out.

Cas is quiet for a minute as if he’s considering. “You know, you’re right. I feel more like myself right now than I have all day.”

“Guess you just missed me, huh?” Dean teases him.

“I know you think that’s a joke, but I did miss you quite a bit. I always do when our schedules don’t line up.”

“No, I know. I do, too.”

“I’m glad we can leave messages for each other that we can read and respond to when we have time, but it’s just not the same as actually talking to you,” Cas says.

“I agree. I don’t know why it is that way, but it is. And I know you said earlier that it’s worse after seeing each other, and I feel that, too. But we’re getting closer to having that again, you know? Just keep reminding yourself of that. Eleven days from right now and you could be kissing these lips of mine you’ve spent so much time thinking about,” Dean reminds him playfully.

“I am looking forward to that.”

“What do you work tomorrow?”

“I’m going in at nine tomorrow since I have an appointment at Planned Parenthood at eight, and nothing at the Gas ‘n’ Sip after that. I’ll just be done work whenever I finish my routes,” Cas responds.

“You’re really doin’ the STD test thing, huh?”

“I told you I would,” Cas reminds him.

“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Really? I’m surprised to hear that,” Cas comments. “You sounded quite adamant about not going last time we spoke.”

“Yeah. Been thinkin’ about the perks though.”

“Of which there are many,” Cas agrees. “And not to rush you, but just so you know, it’s usually seven to ten days for results. So if you were hoping to take advantage of the testing when you come see me next…”

“I better get my ass in gear,” Dean finishes for him.

“Can’t say you’re not a quick learner.”

Something about the familiarity and ease of the conversation is just tugging at Dean’s heartstrings. “I wish you were here,” he admits.

“Do you have any idea what it does to me when you say things like that?” Cas answers quietly.

“Hope it makes you feel happy,” Dean says.

“Happy is understatement. I feel so much, Dean. So much.”

Dean’s own heart is filling in his chest and he thinks he knows exactly how Cas feels. “See, this is where I’d kiss you if you were here, ‘cause I don’t know what to say and just really wanna be close to you.”

“This is where I’d let you kiss me. But then I’d kiss you back in that way you said I’m not allowed to in order to gain the upper hand and likely make you mad at me.”

“Only after you scrape me up off of the floor. Fuck,” Dean says, thinking about it again. “It’s like you fry my brain. I’ve been around, man, and nobody’s _ever_ kissed me like that.”

“Well, since you’ve been around as you say, I’m glad I can bring something alluring to the table,” Cas says, obviously joking.

“Yeah, that and about twenty billion other things.”

“You really are the perfect boyfriend, aren’t you?” Cas asks him.

“Hey man, if I can keep you thinkin' that, I’ll take it.”

Cas laughs quietly. “I still haven’t eaten anything, so how about I allow you to end the night on your win, and we can see if you can maintain this level of perfection again tomorrow?” Cas says.

“Yeah, you gotta eat, babe.”

“I’ll take my lunch at the same time as yours so we can talk, okay? Then maybe we can FaceTime tomorrow night since I won’t be in such a rush?”

“Sounds like a date,” Dean replies.

“I hope you sleep well again tonight.”

“Feelin’ pretty floaty right now so I’m thinkin’ there’s a good chance,” he answers.

“I’ll text you in the morning. Goodnight, freckles.”

Dean makes a sound of annoyance. “Goodnight, loser.”

The last thing before he hangs up is Cas laughing, and he can’t think of a better way to end the day.

 

* * *

 

 

By the next morning, he’s convinced himself to call Planned Parenthood and at least ask if they have any appointments available for STD testing. He waits until after he drops Sam off, and then calls from the car before he goes into work. Turns out they have three open spots for appointments today, and Dean takes the four o’clock one, knowing Bobby never minds if he needs to take off for an appointment.

When he tells Cas at lunch, Cas sounds both incredibly supportive and a little proud that Dean manned up to get this done. He had his own test done earlier, and swears to Dean again that it isn’t that bad.

He’s wrong. He’s so, _so_ wrong.

The very first thing Dean does when he gets out of the clinic is call Cas and leave a voicemail.

“Not that bad, Cas? _Really?_ I hope you have a thing for ear wax because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to even _look_ at a q-tip again! You’re lucky you live three hours away or I’d find you and kick your hot little ass. Jerk.”

He gets a text message about an hour later while he and Sam are just finishing up after dinner.  
  
**CAS:** I am laughing so hard at your voicemail I’m actually crying. I’m saving that to play for a rainy day :D

 **DEAN:** I hate you so much right now lol

 **CAS:** LOL! I promise I’ll make the pain worth it when I see you ;)

 **DEAN:** You better. None of that condom bullshit either

 **CAS:** lol you know I like it when you’re an asshole. And yes, no condoms. As long as you get your test results back, I’m down. Or will be going down, I guess ;)

 **DEAN:** Dude, I’m sitting next to my brother trying to eat here. Stop making it awkward lol

 **CAS:** How about I call once I’m done eating and see how you feel about it then?

 **DEAN:** You in a bit of a mood there, Cas?

 **CAS:** Guess you’ll see when I get home ;)

 **DEAN:** <3

 **CAS:** xoxoxo

 

Dean looks up when he hears the sound of a picture being taken, and his eyes narrow when he sees Sam holding his phone up in his direction.

“What the hell’re you doing?” Dean asks him.

“Just documenting your adorable long-distance relationship days for the slide show I’ll put together at your big gay wedding,” Sam says with a wide smile.

“Are you kidding me right now? Gimme that!” Dean says, lunging for Sam’s phone. Unfortunately Sam’s arms are as freakishly long as the rest of his body, and he dodges his grasp easily.

“No way! If you don’t want me taking pictures, don’t stare at your phone like you’re in a rom-com,” Sam tells him.

Dean shakes his head in annoyance. “Fine. Be a little bitch about it, but just remember that you’re gonna fall for somebody someday too, and when you do, I’ll be taking your lead here.”

Sam’s eyebrows shoot up before he even finishes his sentence. “ _Fall for somebody too_? You’re in love with him?”

Dean feels his face fill with color. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Dean,” Sam says with a bit of a whine. “I’m not asking to be a pain in the ass. I was just curious. If you love him, I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy.”

“Well, Cas definitely makes me happy,” Dean admits. “Not that I wasn’t happy before. You know I’m freakin’ thrilled having you here and with my job and the apartment and everything. It’s just cranked up a notch now.”

“I know. And I know if it wasn’t for me you would have already moved to be with him, so I, um, appreciate you staying here so I could finish high school with my friends. Actually, I appreciate everything you do for me -”

“Okay, okay, that’s enough of a chick flick moment for me. You’re my kid brother and I’m not a dick, and that’s why I’m staying here and takin’ care of you. The end. Alright?”

“Sure, Dean,” Sam says, obviously placating him.

“Did you get that assignment handed in okay today?” Dean checks, grappling for a reason to change the subject.

“Handed it in yesterday, actually. I have a test in history on Friday, but no other homework, so I’m just going to make up a study guide tonight and try to memorize it tomorrow,” Sam answers.

“Need any help?”

“Nah, this is all stuff I have to do on my own to learn the material,” Sam says.

“Alright,” Dean says, pushing his chair back and getting to his feet. “I’m gonna go to my room then. Cas isn’t working tonight.” He knows that’s enough of an explanation for Sam.

“Try to keep the kissy noises to a minimum,” Sam jokes.

Dean shoots him the middle finger over his shoulder as he walks to his bedroom. Knowing he’s not going anywhere for the rest of the night, he changes into a thin pair of lounge pants and Cas’s t-shirt to lay around in until he goes to bed.

It’s almost seven when Cas texts.

 

 **CAS:** You okay to talk now?

 **DEAN:** Yep!

 

Dean’s smile spreads when his phone rings.

“Hey, baby,” he answers, tucking his laptop away and laying down on his bed.

“Hello, Dean. What are you doing?”

“Nothin’ really. Just wasting time online. What’re you doing?”

“Talking to you,” Cas answers, making Dean smile. “How was your day?”

“Other than the dick swab?”

Cas snorts. “You really need to give it up. It’s nowhere close to as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

“I’m gonna have to disagree with that pretty hard,” Dean replies.

“I had no idea you were such a baby,” Cas teases him.

“Fuck you, Cas,” Dean answers, knowing Cas knows he’s joking.

A laugh rolls out of him, filling Dean up with happiness. There’s a very real possibility that Cas’s laugh is his favorite sound. “Maybe your dick’s just sensitive,” he replies, his voice still dancing with laughter. “You know, that actually makes sense.”

“My dick is fine, no thanks to you!”

Cas snickers. “How long do you think you’ll complain about this? Just so I can prepare myself for it.”

“Until you can prove to me it was worth it,” Dean counters.

“Hmm. Maybe I can start making it up to you right now,” Cas offers.

“Yeah? How’re you going to do that?”

“Well... how do you feel about phone sex?” Cas asks.

Dean’s heart leaps and he chokes on what little spit is in his mouth before he realizes Cas must be joking and starts to laugh. “Ha ha. Good one. You almost got me.”

“I’m not joking,” Cas replies. “I’ve been horny ever since you told me about thinking of me when you were in the shower.”

Dean swallows with some difficulty. “Dude. We can’t have phone sex.”

“Why not?”

“Because! We don’t do that!”

“That’s not to say I’ve never thought about it, though. And I knew you wouldn’t before because you didn’t know for sure what I looked like. But you do now, and we’re boyfriends. Long distance boyfriends who might like to get off together more than every other weekend,” Cas says.

And yeah. The things he’s saying are true, and he can already feel his dick plumping up against the inside of thigh, but...

“Cas - I - I don’t even know how, man. I’ve never done that before,” he admits, embarrassed.

“Neither have I. Never wanted to until you,” he tells Dean.

That’s both flattering and arousing. “You know I’m not good with words. You bug me about it all the time.”

“If you don’t want to, I understand,” Cas says kindly.

“It’s not that I don’t want to...”

“You just don’t know how?” Cas repeats, and Dean makes a sound of agreement. “What if you didn’t have to say all that much?”

“How would that work?” Dean asks, obviously interested.

“How do I put you on speakerphone?” Cas asks instead of answering his question.

“Uh. Just look at your screen and tap the speaker button,” Dean says, caught off guard by the question.

“Can you still hear me?” Cas asks a few seconds later.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, good. I’m just getting comfortable on my bed. Laying on my back with my phone on my chest. Are you in bed too?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers, his heart already starting to race.

“Do you have a shirt on this time?”

“Wearing your shirt again,” Dean admits.

“Mmmm. Have I mentioned how hot it is when you wear my clothes?”

“Cas,” Dean breathes, feeling a little warm just from that.

“I’m already starting to get hard,” Cas says, his voice slightly huskier than usual.

Dean closes his eyes. He can picture Cas laying flat on his bed, kinda like in that picture he sent him yesterday. His hair everywhere. His cheeks heating up.

“What are you wearing?” They both laugh as soon as the cliche question comes out of his mouth. “Shut up! I just wanna be able to picture you in my head.”

“I’m in black cargo shorts and a red t-shirt. And I’m currently rubbing myself over top of my shorts,” Cas admits, his voice sounding a little shy.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean breathes, his cock filling ridiculously fast from the mental image.

“Are you getting hard for me?”

“Uh, yeah. Pretty damn fast,” Dean says, looking down at the tent springing up in his thin pants.

“You gonna do something about that?”

Dean lifts his hand to his stomach and pushes it under his shirt, running his hand over the tight muscles of his abdomen. “Yeah.”

“Tell me.”

“Fuck. I dunno. I, uh, I guess I kinda like to start a little slow. So I’ve got my hand on my stomach.”

“I wish it was my lips,” Cas says, and even that causes his dick to twitch. “Will you run your hand up your chest and tease your nipple for me? I remember how much you liked it when I did that.”

Dean’s hand is already on its way up and his breath catches when he brushes his thumb across one of his nipples. “How does it feel, Dean?”

“Good,” Dean answers, his voice deeper already.

“As good as it would if it was my teeth closing around your nipple?”

“Fuck,” Dean replies, pulling it between his fingers roughly at the idea. “No. Wish it was your mouth instead.”

“Mmm me, too, Dean. I wish I could trail my lips all over every inch of your chest.”

“God,” Dean gasps. “Why is your voice so fucking hot?”

He hears what sounds like a zipper lowering on the other end of the phone and barely swallows a whine as he imagines Cas taking himself out of his shorts.

“Did you hear that?” Cas asks.

“Uh huh.”

He can hear rustling and imagines Cas is getting out of his pants. Without even really thinking about it, his hand trails back down his chest and over his stomach until he’s palming himself over his pants. His breath catches as his hips thrust forward.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks him. “I heard that little sound you made.”

“I’m, uh, touching myself.”

“God I want to see that. What are you thinking about?”

“How - how your dick looked when I got your pants off,” Dean admits.

“You like my cock?”

Dean’s cock twitches beneath his palm, answering Cas’s question all on its own. “Fuck yeah.”

“I’m so hard for you, Dean,” Cas says, and then Dean hears a soft groan. “I just wrapped my hand around myself. Feels so good.”

Dean slides his hand under the elastic band of pants and grips himself too, unable to resist. “Me too.”

“Don’t stop, okay? I’m picturing how unbelievably sexy you’d look stroking yourself. How hot it would be to sit back and watch you.” Dean makes a soft sound of surprise when he imagines it. Cas’s blue eyes unable to tear themselves from Dean fucking his fist. He knows Cas can hear the way his breathing is coming out harder with every second, and wishes vehemently that he could hear the sound of skin slapping. “Do you have any lube?” Cas asks.

“N-no,” Dean replies, immediately wishing he did.

“Suck your fingers into your mouth, then. Get them nice and wet for me. I wanna hear you,” Cas tells him.

Dean doesn’t think about why he does exactly what Cas says, he just does it. He jerks himself once more before he brings his fingers to his mouth and licks them, trying not to concentrate on how good it feels to have something in his mouth when he’s as hard as he is.

“Louder,” Cas prompts him. Dean starts making slurping noises, sucking his fingers into his mouth and letting some air in so Cas can hear him. “Fuck that sounds good, Dean. They’re the same sounds you’d make sucking my cock,” Cas says, and Dean can’t help the needy little sound that escapes through his lips. “Yeah, you want my cock in your mouth, don’t you? Are you thinking about how I’d stretch those gorgeous lips of yours so thin?”

Dean doesn’t take his fingers out of his mouth, still slicking them up as he drags them across his tongue, but he manages a, “Mmf.”

“So gorgeous. So sexy. I’m so, so hard for you, Dean,” Cas admits and Dean just whimpers around his fingers again. “Thinking about those lips of yours wrapped around me. Do you know often I think about that? About you? How I’d bring my hands to your face so I could feel my cock sliding in and out of that perfect mouth of yours.” Dean slides his fingers along his cheeks to imitate the feeling. “You know what I want you to do with your fingers now, sweetheart?” Dean makes a sound of ascent. “So good for me,” Cas praises him. “Take them out of your mouth and spread your legs.”

Dean hooks his thumb into his pants and pushes them down one side at a time, careful not to let his fingers dry out. His hard cock bobs before it rests on his stomach and his breathing is coming out in haggard pants.

“Run those wet fingers along your crack,” Cas says, and Dean’s heart leaps as he does exactly as Cas says. He couldn’t possibly hold in the gasp of pleasure when he feels his wet fingers glide over his asshole. “You like that, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers.

“Have you done this before?”

“Only - only a few times,” Dean admits.

“Without lube, I don’t want you to do anything except tease your hole for me. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers again, already doing it anyway. He circles the sensitive skin where his nerve endings are already singing with pleasure.

“What do you think about when you’re doing this?”

Dean pictures his fingers buried in a messy head of dark hair between his legs but can’t find the nerve to say it.

“Don’t - don’t wanna -”

“Are you thinking about me?”

“Always think about you,” Dean says quickly, his voice stuttering as he presses just a little bit harder.

“Did you ever think about me when you fingered yourself before?”

All Dean can do is whine, which Cas obviously takes as agreement because he curses again. “Fuck that’s hot. You think about me inside of you, Dean?” Dean pants harder, and thinks he hears a click on Cas’s end. “I’m slicking myself up thinking about you. How I’d do this right before I slide inside of you, filling you up so good.”

“Cas, please,” Dean groans.

“Touch yourself if you need to, baby,” Cas says, his voice rougher now. Cas hardly ever calls him anything other than his name, and knowing that he’s kinda losing himself because he’s thinking about fucking him is doing all kinds of things to him.

Dean spits into his palm a couple of times before he reaches down and grasps his rock hard cock in his hand. He already knows he’s never going to last, and every little sound he hears from Cas drives him closer to the edge.

“Shit,” Dean curses as he hears the wet slide of skin on skin pick up its pace on Cas’s end. “You thinking about me, babe?”

“Wishing my hand was your hand. You jerked me off so good the last time. Your hands felt - fuck, Dean - so good. So rough. Absolutely perfect.”

“Fuck,” Dean breathes, increasing the pace of his hand, twisting at the top on the upstroke. “Want you.”

“You got me. I’m thinking about you. How perfect that tight little body is. Fuck, I’m going to come so hard for you.”

Dean remembers what his cock looked like while his cum shot out of it, and exactly how it felt when he dribbled it onto his own cock. He thinks about Cas coming on him now and feels the familiar tug behind his navel as he swipes his thumb across his head. “I - I’m gonna -”

“Tell me - oh god - tell me what you’re thinking about,” Cas prompts him, his voice also sounding tight and desperate.

“You - you, ah! - coming all over me,” Dean confesses, so low it’s almost a whisper.

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas says, his voice rough and deep. It sends arousal shooting through his body like lightning and he knows he’s only seconds away. “I’d come all over that perfect ass for you.”

That’s all it takes. Dean feels his body tense immediately as his orgasm crashes into him like a freight train. He can barely even make a sound, only managing to get out a strangled, “Nnngh, _Cas_!” as he strokes himself fast and hard.

Dean feels his cum fall warm and thick on his stomach, a few drops landing further up his chest with the force of his orgasm. He distantly registers the growl on the other end of the phone before Cas gets his attention by repeating his name over and over like a prayer. He listens closely as he milks the last few drops of cum out - some dribbling down his shaft and onto his fingers - as he hears Cas’s breath coming out in high-pitched pants and groans and he knows he’s coming, too.

“Sounds so hot baby,” Dean tells him, wishing he could see it. This time it’s Cas who lets out a soft little whining sound and it causes a smile to spread across Dean’s face while his eyes drift closed.

There’s a loud, happy-sounding exhale from Cas and then silence that’s only broken by the two of them trying to even out their breathing.

“How are you doing over there, freckles?” Cas asks finally.

“Mmm, pretty good. Sleepy,” Dean answers.

“You’re one of those guys who comes and wants to sleep immediately afterwards aren’t you?”

“Mmhmm,” Dean answers, already feeling that tug towards sleep. “Wish you were here, though. Wanna be with you for real. Wanna cuddle.”

“You are the cutest thing, I swear to god,” Cas sighs happily.

“Miss you.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas says, all soft and dreamy. Almost like it’s being whispered directly in his ear. “I miss you, too. So much.”

Dean has a soft smile on his face, feeling like he could drown in all the emotions swirling around in him right now. “Was good though,” he admits.

“Phone sex?”

“Yeah. Wasn’t as awkward as I thought it’d be.”

“You’re very arousing. Even when I can only hear you and imagine what you might look like.”

“Maybe you’ll get a dick pic outta me one day,” Dean teases.

There’s a beat of silence on the other end. “I didn’t even think about that. Why didn’t you mention it before!? Can you send me a picture right now? Are you covered in cum?”

“Cas!” Dean says, in a bit of an undignified squeak.

“Please, Dean?”

“Not my dick, but I’ll show you the other stuff. Hang on a sec.” He thinks about the best way to do this. Opens his camera app, puts it in selfie mode, and holds it right over his dick to aim it down towards his stomach where his cum is starting to dry. The angle makes his hips look slim and his shoulders broad, and he drops his head back so he doesn’t have an unattractive double chin look going on when he snaps the picture.

He checks out the picture and nods to himself. If Cas sent him a picture like this he’d probably get hard all over again. Which reminds him.

“You take one too,” he says, bringing the phone back up to his mouth. Cas doesn’t answer him so he shrugs and sends the picture.

Next thing he hears is, “Holy fuck,” as the _sent_ changes to _read_ and he snickers as he waits for Cas to come back.

His phone pings with a message and he pulls it away to see Cas sent him one too. Cas is leaning back against his headboard and he’s gazing down at the camera with a tiny smirk on his face. His cheeks are flushed, and so is his chest and neck. He can’t see his hair but he’s sure it’s everywhere. His can see cum wet on his stomach, and the hair of his treasure trail looking thicker and darker with it. Dean imagines cleaning him up with his tongue and brings his phone back to his ear with a groan.

“Why are you trying to kill me?” he asks Cas.

“Me!? Did you see _your_ picture? Those little hips of yours? You don’t know how bad I want my hands on them right now. Lift you right into my lap.”

There isn’t a single part of him that isn’t on board with that idea. “Yeah, let’s do that when I see you, kay?” Cas laughs softly, which reminds him of the picture. “That smirk of yours is going to haunt my dreams tonight, Cas. You’re so sexy baby. You have no idea.”

“I’m glad you think so, because I can’t wait to get my hands on you again.”

“I’m all yours, Cas,” he promises. “Pretty sure this is the best idea you’ve had so far, by the way.”

“No, second best. First one was asking you if you wanted to be my boyfriend.”

Dean’s heart turns to mush but he scoffs out loud. “Real smooth, babe.”

“I mean it. But I do agree that jerking off _with you_ was about a million times harder than jerking off thinking about you.”

“‘cept for the after stuff,” Dean says. “I just really want to be able to touch you, you know?”

“Ten days, Dean,” Cas reminds him. “If I could make it happen sooner, I would.”

“I know, me too.”

“Hey, look, it’s almost eight. Survivor?” Cas asks.

It’s a habit they somehow got into. Cas only gets a couple of channels, but one of them is Global and when Dean didn’t want to hang up the phone on night about a year ago, he switched it on so he’d know what Cas was watching. And they just kind of started watching it together whenever Cas didn’t have to work. Dean even started watching it whenever Cas did have to work so that he could tell him what happened.

“Yeah, just let me put the phone down for two minutes to wipe myself up.”

“How are you going to get to the bathroom without seeing you?” Cas asks.

“I’m not. Wet wipes,” he answers.

Cas chuckles. “Very clever. I’ll be right back.”

Dean puts his phone down and cleans himself up, wiping off his softening cock, his chest and stomach, and finally his hands before wadding up the wipes and depositing them in the garbage can next to his bed. He puts his shirt and his pants back on, and since he’s up, he goes to take a leak before the show starts.

He gets comfortable, grabs his lap top, and gets the live stream going. He picks up the phone and says, “Hello?”

“Yes, I’m here,” Cas responds. “Awake again?”

“Yeah, I’ll probably make it through the episode at least.”

“Do you want to switch it over to FaceTime now? I forgot about that earlier.”

“Yeah, sure,” Dean says eagerly. “Hang on.” He presses the button on his phone that requests the video call, and Cas obviously figures out how to accept because his face pops up on the screen. “There you are,” Dean says with a broad smile.

“Mmm look at those freckles showing up over your pink cheeks,” Cas responds. Since Cas can actually see him, he replies with a dramatic eye roll and is rewarded with a nose scrunching laugh from Cas.

His stomach explodes with butterflies and he can’t help complimenting him. “God damn you’re adorable.”

“Says the man with the cutest freckles I ever did see,” Cas teases him.

“God forbid you ever see me after a day at the beach,” Dean huffs.

“You get more freckles the more you’re in the sun?”

Dean nods as he answers, “Oh yeah. If I have my shirt off ‘cause of swimming or whatever, I get them all over my shoulders and my back, too.”

“Well, a day at the beach with you just skyrocketed up to the top of my bucket list,” Cas says, smiling at him. God, he’s so gorgeous when he smiles it’s like trying to look directly at the sun.

“You look good today, babe. Not so tired. Working one job agrees with you.”

“Hm. Considering I only work one job one or two days a week, I’m not sure how to feel about that.”

Dean snorts. “I’ve seen you a total of three times, and you’ve looked hot as fuck every time, so you have nothin’ to worry about.”

“There you go with your way with words again.”

Dean arches an eyebrow. “Weren’t complainin’ about them ten minutes ago.”

Cas grins and even blushes a little bit, which might be the cutest thing he ever saw. Especially considering he was the one who initiated the whole phone sex thing. “You’re right about that, I wasn’t. Still not complaining, for the record.”

“My stream’s starting,” Dean says, seeing his video coming to life.

“Yep, here comes the recap from last week. They are geniuses showing that footage of Brian swimming last week,” Cas says, grinning.

“Pfft,” Dean replies. Brian’s a model and Cas thinks he’s cute, which obviously makes Dean hate him on principle. “Dude looks like a Ken doll.”

Cas turns away from the TV to look at his phone. “You _have_ seen yourself, right?”

“Shut up! I look nothing like that guy with his douchey frosted tips!”

“No, I agree, you’re much better looking. But there are certainly similarities.”

“Yeah, I don’t see it,” Dean argues.

“Don’t be jealous, freckles. He doesn’t hold a candle to you,” Cas coos at him.

“Blow me,” Dean responds.

“Ten days,” Cas says quickly, which makes Dean laugh nervously. “And don’t even pretend you weren’t ogling Libby in that swimsuit.”

“ _Libby?_ Come on, man. She’s got a pretty face, sure, but not much to ogle in the bathing suit, if you know what I mean.” Cas shakes his head but laughs at him all the same. “If we’re going there, I’d take Michael or Stephanie based on swimsuits alone.”

“Michael’s a kid!” Cas comments.

“He’s 18!”

“ _Sam’s_ almost 18,” Cas reminds him.

Dean pulls a face, horrified. “Thanks for ruining that for me. I feel like a skeezy old man now.”

Cas bursts out laughing. “There’s always Stephanie. Maybe she’ll strip down from the one piece to the bandana thing for you.” Dean considers, picturing it mentally, but Cas interrupts his train of thought. “Is that what your face looks like when you’re picturing me naked, too?”

“Nah, I don’t have to think that hard to picture you naked,” Dean replies. “Been ages since I saw a real set of tits though. Have to use my imagination.” He looks back at Cas and notices he’s frowning. “Shit, sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, I don’t mind. We were just joking.”

“I can see your face, remember? You went all frowny frownerson on me,” Dean says softly.

“I’ve never dated somebody bisexual before. It just felt strange for a second to hear you talk about being attracted to something I obviously don’t have,” Cas reveals.

“Yeah, I can get that. Just... try not to think about it like that. It's kinda like, you bein’ attracted to that Ken doll dude for example. I don’t have blonde hair like he does, but that doesn’t mean you think I’m any less attractive, right?”

“Of course not!”

“Exactly. People are into a whole bunch of different looks. That’s all it is. Besides, if I wanted to be with a chick I coulda been. But I only want you, and have for a really long time. You know that, right?”

A small smile grows on Cas’s face. “I do. I’m sorry. It’s pretty obvious you’re not only attracted to me, but care about me, too. I just had a moment.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure it’ll happen to me a lot.”

“Here goes the first challenge,” Cas says, looking back at the TV.

Watching Survivor and being able to watch Cas as he watches it turns out to be about a hundred times better than just listening to him watch it on the phone. The hour flies by, and they end up talking for another hour after that.

“Cas, babe, I’m sorry, but my phone’s about to die. My cord doesn’t reach far enough for you to be able to see me while we do this.”

“That’s okay. We’ve been talking a while anyway,” Cas answers.

“Still woulda kept talking.”

“Me, too. But I understand. I have to be a the post office for seven tomorrow, so I should head to bed soon anyway. Need to make sure I look rested so you think I’m gorgeous again tomorrow,” Cas teases.

“Well, if that’s what it’s gonna take to get you to take better care of yourself, then I’m on board.”

Cas smiles at him again. “This was really nice, Dean. All of it. I had a great night talking with you.”

“Me, too, babe. The best.”

“I’ll text you when I wake up,” Cas tells him.

“You wouldn’t wanna see the scowl if you didn’t,” Dean jokes.

“Goodnight, freckles,” Cas says with a grin.

Dean shakes his head, but smiles, and says, “Goodnight, baby.”


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the week seems to fly by. Cas only works until eight on Saturday and is off entirely on Sunday, so they end up staying awake until one in the morning FaceTiming when Cas literally can’t keep his eyes open anymore. The last thing Cas says to him that night before they end the call is to remind him that this time next week, neither of them will be sleeping alone.

The carburetor he ordered for Cas comes in on Wednesday, and so do Cas’s test results. Cas tells him he’s all clean and promises to show him in person when he gets there. Dean still hasn’t heard anything about his tests, and by Thursday, he’s starting to worry. He’s almost positive he doesn’t have a STD, but now that not using condoms has been dangled in front of him for the first time, he really, really doesn’t want to if he doesn’t have to. Cas texts him Thursday night between shifts to check if he’s heard anything, and when he says he hasn’t, he gets a frowny face back. He decides right then if he hasn’t heard anything by Friday at lunch he’ll call from the car on his break to ask for his results.

Thankfully, Sam saves him the embarrassment of having to make that phone call when he comes home after a cancelled class. Dean doesn’t get Sam’s message until his lunch, but the timing is fucking perfect.

 **SAM:** Here’s a text I never thought I’d send: you got mail from Planned Parenthood?

Dean snorts. If it wasn’t for Cas telling him about all the shit that Planned Parenthood does other than the baby stuff, he would have had the exact same reaction as Sam seems to be having right now.

 **DEAN:** You just made my day, man. Thanks for letting me know!

 **SAM:** You have something you wanna tell me?

 **DEAN:** Ya, I’ve got a bun in the oven, Sammy. You’re gonna be an uncle in nine months, congratulations.

 **SAM:** You’re such a jerk. Did you get somebody else pregnant? If I’m going to be an uncle I want to know!

 **DEAN:** Omg it was a joke, loser. Nobody’s pregnant. I’ll tell you what it is once I read it.

 **SAM:** Can I open it?

 **DEAN:** Not if you want to live to see tomorrow

 **SAM:** Fine, but I’m not gonna let this go!

 **DEAN:** Yeah, I’m getting that. I’ll see you after work.  

He immediately texts Cas.

 **DEAN:** Sam just texted me. Guess who has mail from Planned Parenthood?

 **CAS** : Damn! I was secretly looking forward to hearing the retelling of the awkward phone call lol

 **DEAN:** Why do I like you when you’re such a dick anyway?

 **CAS:** Beats me! :)

 **DEAN:** I know I keep saying this, but I can’t believe I’ll be at your place this time tomorrow! :D :D :D

 **CAS:** And it’ll only be another hour before I’m off work and get to spend the next 28 hours with you  <3

 **DEAN:** I’m never going to be able to sleep tonight lol I’m already stupidly excited

 **CAS:** Not humanly possible to be more excited than I am, I can promise you that :)

 **DEAN:** I’m a smart enough guy to know not to tell my boyfriend he’s wrong, so I’m just gonna have to let you have that one ;)

 **CAS:** Smart, gorgeous, and good in bed. How’d I get so lucky? :P

Knowing that Cas works until nine tonight and then has to take the bus home after that, he decides to take the opportunity to cement their plans one more time.

 **DEAN:** So I’m gonna aim to be at your apartment for noon, put your carburetor in, then shower at your place and look presentable in time for you to get home around 1:30?

 **CAS:** Yes, I have one of those magnetic key holders under the car with both a house key and a car key for you.

 **DEAN:** And you’re sure you don’t mind me in your apartment without you being there?

 **CAS:** We’ve been over this. I trust you. I know I have nothing to worry about :)

 **CAS:** Before I forget, I got you a guest parking pass for the weekend, too. It’s on the passenger seat of my car. Pretty much the only thing the landlord keeps up with is towing cars without one, so make sure you put it in the dashboard of your car.

 **DEAN:** Anybody touches my Baby and heads are gonna roll.

 **CAS:** lol yes, Dean. Just put the parking pass in and all will be well <3

 **DEAN:** I can’t wait to see you <3

 **CAS:** I have to go eat my lunch, but I’ll text you between jobs real quick tonight if I can. If not, before bed for sure.

 **DEAN:** I’m gonna try to go to bed early since I have to wake up early, but I’ll wait for your text first

 **CAS:** Talk to me about early when you have to work at 7AM on a Saturday :P Don’t miss me too much ;)

 **DEAN:** You know I don’t make promises I can’t keep. Have a good afternoon baby xoxoxo

 **CAS:** Can’t wait to cash in on all those hugs and kisses tomorrow xoxoxo

He debates after work if he wants to rush home to see what his results say, or if he wants to stop and pick up a few things before he goes home so he doesn’t have to go out again tonight. He finds himself at the local brewery to get their beer and buys a case of 24, thinking he can leave it there for the next time he visits, too. He also swings by the pharmacy and picks up some flavored condoms just in case his test results aren’t clean. And who knows, maybe Cas will still prefer to use them on him even if they do come back okay. Not like he’s gonna pressure him not to or anything.

He decides to pick up some burgers and fries for him and Sam for dinner on the way home, and by the time he has them and pulls into his driveway it’s close to six. He leaves everything but their food in the car, and he and Sam eat in front of the TV and watch a movie together before they each go to their rooms for the night.

He grabs the letter from Planned Parenthood on his way to his room and tears it open the second he closes the door behind him. He scans the first few sentences without even absorbing what they say because his eyes are quickly drifting down to the chart with a handful of STDs with a little _negative_ beside every single one. He exhales a long breath of relief before pumping his fist in the air in celebration.

He uses the little burst of energy to finish packing his duffel bag so he can wake up and go tomorrow morning. The first thing he does is stick that letter in the bag - he doesn’t want to go through all the trouble of getting tested and then not have it to show Cas! He plans on wearing an old pair of jeans he usually works in to drive there so he doesn’t have to change more than once, so he packs a nicer pair for later, and a pair of lounge pants to sleep in. He purposely doesn’t pack Cas’s shirt, not wanting to give it back, and then goes into the bathroom to grab his toiletries. He brings a new toothbrush, hoping he can just leave it there so he doesn’t have to bring it every time, and since he just bought himself a new stick of deodorant, he brings the one that’s almost empty with the same thought in mind.

He’s going to shave tomorrow morning before he goes, so doesn’t bother with any of that stuff, and after he packs a spare phone charger and his laptop, he has everything he can think of that he might possibly need.

With nothing else to do, he gets into bed and just waits for Cas to text him goodnight. He shoots off a quick reply, avoiding his question about the test results just so he can tell him in person tomorrow, and turns his lights out. He surprises himself with how quickly he falls asleep, but when he wakes up at seven Saturday morning - a full hour earlier than when he set his alarm - he gets up voluntarily without a single grumble to hop into the shower.

Half hour later, showered, shaved, and ready for the day, he throws his duffel over his shoulder and heads into the kitchen where Sam is already awake and sitting at the table.

“You freak of nature,” Dean says to him.

“You’re the one who woke up an hour earlier than you said you were.”

“Yeah, so I’m a little excited, sue me,” Dean answers, moving over to the coffee maker to pour himself a mug full. That’s one pro to Sam always waking up so early - there’s always coffee ready for him.

“I can’t believe you voluntarily woke up early. You must really like this guy,” Sam comments.

“That’s an understatement,” Dean admits.

“You wanna tell me about that letter now?”

“Jesus, Sam, you’re like a dog with a bone,” Dean deflects. Sam just arches a brow, so Dean takes a drink of coffee and pulls up a seat. He hides as much of his face as he can behind his coffee mug before he says, “Don’t be a bitch about this, but Cas suggested we both go get tested.”

“Tested?” Sam echoes. “ _Oh_ , like for STDs?” Dean nods his head. “Wow, that’s actually really responsible of him. I guess there’s some perks to dating an older man, huh?”

Dean can barely even talk about his results, and then there’s Sam: his seventeen year old brother who’s way more calm and collected than Dean is talking about getting tested for STDs even _after_ he’s already been.

“Why’re you so chill about this, huh?” Dean asks him.

“It’s no big deal, Dean. I’ve been learning about this stuff in health class for years.”

Dean just shakes his head at him, still amazed. The few things he remembers from health class is mostly trying not to giggle anytime the teacher said penis or vagina.

He had planned to take off around 9, but it’s 8:15 and even after trying to waste some time, he’s ready to go, so he just decides to go. He doesn’t tell Cas, thinking that if he can make good time and get the carburetor in quickly enough, he might be able to go pick Cas up from work so he doesn’t have to take the bus.

He gives Sam a hug, tells him to call Bobby if he needs anything immediately, and reminds him that he can be home in three hours if he needs him. Sam rolls his eyes and pushes him through the door, and then Dean tosses his duffel bag in the back seat and gets behind the wheel.

From the second he hits the highway, he’s in his element. A smooth stretch of road, Zeppelin blaring through the speakers, and getting closer and closer to Cas with every mile has him feeling more relaxed and happier than he’s felt... well, since the last time he saw Cas, actually.

He might have a bit of a heavy foot, because he makes it to Cas’s apartment building just before eleven, shaving a good twenty minutes off of how long his iPhone told him it would take. He pulls his Baby into one of the parking spots marked _Visitor_ and walks over to Cas’s Lincoln to find the key. The first thing he does is get the parking pass on his dash, not willing to take even a tiny chance of her getting towed away on him. Then he gets to work on Cas’s car.

He pops the hood, and he’s immediately thankful he won himself some extra time because everything’s a mess. How this car even ran at all with how plugged up everything is with dirt, oil, and grease, he’ll never know. So he gets down to work and starts cleaning everything up. It’s a tedious and timely task, but because he’s doing something for Cas, he doesn’t mind half as much as he usually would. It’s almost an hour later when he’s ready to put the new carburetor in, then he changes the oil so Cas doesn’t have to do it, and when he starts the car up, it purrs like a kitten. Sometimes, he feels like a miracle worker.

When he checks his watch, he sees it’s only fifteen minutes until Cas gets off work, and he has a quick internal debate. Go pick Cas up at work a little greasy and a lot sweaty, or shower and let him take the bus home like they planned?

He decides on option one, not wanting to wait any longer than he absolutely has to to see his boyfriend, and hops back in his car. He wipes down his hands on a rag and makes sure his face isn’t dirty, then drives towards the Gas ‘n’ Sip where Cas works. He pulls in at five to one and gives himself one final once over in the mirror before he gets out of his car and walks into the store.

There’s a few people in line, and while he can hear Cas’s voice talking to them, greeting some of them by name and bidding each of them a good day in an obviously fake-happy tone of voice, he knows Cas didn’t see him come in. He grabs a pack of gum and a drink - it was warm out there - and gets into the back of the line. He sees another worker come to join Cas behind the counter. Dean figures that’s probably because it’s almost time for him to leave, but Cas serves the customer ahead of him anyway, and then it’s finally his turn.

The butterflies in his stomach are fluttering wildly, and when Cas’s eyes lock with his, his face cracks on an absolutely gorgeous smile and Dean can almost literally feel his heart tumble at his feet. Yeah, there’s no denying he’s head over heels in love with this guy.

“Heyya, good lookin’,” Dean flirts, though he can feel his cheeks burning.

“Dean! What are you doing here!?” Cas asks excitedly.

Dean places his stuff on the counter and Cas rings it up automatically. “Didn’t want to wait to see you any longer than I had to.” He passes Cas a five dollar bill and Cas gives him his change, seemingly in a daze.

“I’m ready to go now, if you’re ready,” Cas says, stepping away from the cash register to walk around the counter.

Neither of them spares the other worker a glance when he calls out, “Have a good weekend Cas!” because they both only have eyes for each other. Cas is gorgeous. Seeing his face on FaceTime is nowhere close to the same as seeing him up close and personal. It's killing him not to pull Cas into his arms but he understands he's at work and that it probably isn't appropriate. The second Cas can reach him, he takes his hand though, and when they get to the car, Dean opens the door for him with a flourish.

“Cas, this is my Baby. Baby, this is Cas. We like him,” he whispers conspiratorially.

Dean hurries around to the driver side and climbs in, quickly turning the key in the ignition to get the air conditioning back on.

“She’s absolutely gorgeous, Dean. I can see why you’re so enamoured by her,” Cas says, and when Dean looks over at him it’s like lightning flashes between them.

Without discussing it, they both move towards the center of the seat and meet in the middle. His arms go around Cas’s neck and Cas slides his hands around his waist and up his back, and they cling to each other, both laughing happily.

“I missed you so much,” Cas says, pulling back far enough to plant kiss after kiss to the side of Dean’s face.

“Missed you,” Dean answers, turning towards him eagerly. Their lips come together in an uncoordinated kiss before they both realign themselves accordingly, and then everything is right in Dean’s world as he melts against Cas’s lips. Cas’s big hands are urging him even closer, and Dean scoots over quickly, bringing his hands to Cas’s face to hold him in place.

Cas’s tongue pushes its way into Dean’s mouth, and Dean opens to him with a groan, unable to think anything other than _Cas, Cas, Cas_ on a loop. His thumbs trace his cheek bones before he slides his hands back into his silky hair and hears himself let out a needy little sound.

“Missed you,” he says against his lips. This time he doesn’t mean that he missed seeing him, he means he missed being with him like this.

“You feel so good,” Cas replies, letting him know he understood exactly what he meant. Cas traces his tongue along his bottom lip before he sucks it into his mouth. Dean groans again, already starting to get hard, and Cas’s strong, wandering hands pressing into his back aren’t helping anything at all.

Dean knows he’s gotta pull away here before they can’t, so he places one last kiss to Cas’s lips before he rests his forehead against Cas’s. They’re both breathing hard and Cas’s hands are on Dean’s hips now, tracing small circles there with his thumbs.

“I can’t believe I’m here. Fucking look at you. Ten times as gorgeous as you were the last time I saw you,” Dean tells Cas.

“I doubt that," Cas argues, though he's smiling. "You, though? You walk into my store looking like sex on legs. Flirting with me in front of my co-worker. Smelling like sunshine and motor oil. Grease on your shirt and a smear on your cheek,” Cas says, backing away enough to trace it with his finger tip. “You look so unbelievably sexy. I had no idea you’d look so good all dirty like this.”

Dean swallows thickly. “I’m gross. All sweaty.”

“Manly,” Cas repeats. “I can’t wait to get you home.”

“Keep talkin’ like that and we’re not even gonna make it that far,” Dean warns him, but he scoots over to get behind the wheel and puts the car into drive. “Like your little vest by the way,” he teases him.

“Yes, well, you’re not the only one,” Cas answers, resting his hand on Dean’s knee.

“You gettin’ hit on at work, babe?”

“No, not exactly. I just hear often that the blue of my vest brings out the blue in my eyes,” Cas explains.

“You don’t need any help there. Your eyes are always crazy blue.”

“Forget my eyes,” Cas says suddenly. “What are you doing here so early? I was so excited to see you I forgot you weren’t supposed to pick me up, and you obviously already fixed the car or you wouldn’t be looking so irresistible.”

“Only irresistible after I fix cars, huh? I’ll remember that,” Dean jokes. “I woke up an hour earlier than I wanted to and knew I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so I just drove to your place. I actually got in around eleven, so I thought I’d have lots of time to shower and everything after I put your carburetor in, but well, to put it nicely, everything under the hood was a goddamn mess.”

“Oh no,” Cas laments. “Is it more broken than I thought it was?”

“No, nothing like that. Well, nothing I could see anyway. It was just all caked in grime. I took a bunch of it out to clean it off for you so it’d run better, and not to pat myself on the back or anything, but when I started it up, it sounded good as new,” Dean tells him. “But because it took longer than I was expecting, I didn’t have time to grab a shower like I wanted to before it was time to come pick you up.”

“You spent almost two hours fixing my car today? After driving three hours just to see me?” Cas asks him.

Dean shrugs a shoulder. “Yeah.”

“What did I ever do to deserve a boyfriend like you?”

“Cut it out,” Dean says with a small laugh, feeling a blush creep its way across his cheeks. He isn’t at all surprised when Cas scooches over again to kiss his cheek.

“Been wanting to do that for two weeks,” Cas says, and Dean glances over at him quickly to see a big smile on your face.

“Almost made it five whole minutes without your obsession with my freckles coming up,” Dean comments.

“That would have been a travesty,” Cas says, laying it on thick. “How was the drive by the way?”

“Great. Me and my Baby on the open road. Only thing better woulda been you in the passenger seat,” Dean says with a grin.

“And you got the parking pass okay I see.”

“Yep. Got your house key in my pocket too, but I didn’t use it. Shoulda put the beer in the fridge though, now that I think about it,” Dean says.

“You actually brought beer?” Cas asks, sounding amused.

“Told you I was going to. My favorite kind. Brought enough that I won’t have to bring any next time, as long as you don’t drink it all on me."

“Any other surprises for me?” Cas checks.

“No, sorry, just me and the beer,” Dean answers.

Cas rubs his hand on his knee. “You’re all I wanted anyway. I’m so, so happy you’re here,” he tells him. “Have you had lunch?”

“No, nothing since this morning,” Dean realizes suddenly.

“I’ve got a frozen pizza we can cook when we get back to my place. I thought you might be hungry when I got home.”

“That sounds great,” Dean says, only now noticing how hungry he is.

“I wasn’t sure what to plan for dinner.”

“I can cook for you, we can order in, or we can go out if you want. My treat.”

“You’ve already done more than enough, Dean. I’m not going to let you pay for dinner, as well,” Cas says sternly.

Dean huffs in amusement. “Listen, either way, I’m paying. We go to the grocery store and buy shit to cook, and I’m paying for that. We order in, and I’m paying at the door. And if we go out, I will physically fight you to pay the check.”

“You know I’m bigger than you, right?”

“Please. I’ve got at least an inch on you,” Dean scoffs.

“Oh, I’m sorry, were you going to overpower me using your height?” Cas asks sarcastically.

“Hey, I’m stronger than I look,” Dean bristles, insulted by the comment. He knows Cas isn’t wrong, though. Cas is ripped and built up in a way he knows he isn’t, and he’s definitely stronger than Dean, but still! How insulting.

“Dean,” Cas says softly. “You know I like you exactly the way you are.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says with a wave of his hand.

“In fact, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m actually very, _very_ into the fact that you’re not as big as me.” Dean glances over at him again to see if he’s just fucking with him, but he looks sincere, if a bit embarrassed to say that out loud. “I like your slender hips, trim waist, and slim build.”

Dean can feel his face heating up, because yeah, he knows he’s a bit of a twink compared to other guys - especially older guys like Cas. No matter how much he works out, and how many hours he spends working his arms out underneath car after car, he just can’t fill out the way Cas is.

“Please don’t be embarrassed or self conscious about that,” Cas begs him.

“No, I’m not. Not with you. I mean, it’s not like I’ve never heard that kinda thing before,” he admits with an eye roll. “And I can’t really say anything anyway, ‘cause one of the things I like about you is that you’re bigger than me. Not too often a dude who’s six one feels anything other than giant, you know?”

Dean pulls into the parking lot and into his visitor parking space, putting the car in park and grinning over at his boyfriend.

“You ready to go in?” Cas asks.

“Hell yeah. Dying for a shower,” Dean replies, smiling at him to let him know he’s good with what they were just talking about.

He climbs out of the car and opens the back door to grab his duffel and the bag from the pharmacy, then closes it to pop the trunk. “Let me get something for you,” Cas offers, reaching in to grab the case of beer. He sees the bag in Dean’s hands and arches his eyebrows.

“Like a Boy Scout, Cas,” Dean says, answering the unasked question. “Always prepared.”

He closes the trunk since Cas’s hands are full now, and the two of them start the walk to Cas’s apartment. He remembers the last time he was by the front door to the building, leaning against the wall and trying not to cry, and pushes that aside for now. He already knows it’s going to be harder to leave this time than it was the last time, but he doesn’t want to ruin the rest of the visit by thinking about that.

When they get to Cas’s apartment, Cas lets them both in and walks straight to the kitchen to put the beer in the fridge and turn the oven on.

“You can put your bag in my room if you want,” Cas tells him.

“Thanks,” Dean answers, kicking off his shoes and walking in that direction. He puts his bag on the ground beside the bed, and when he turns around to walk back out, Cas is standing in the doorway.

“I’ll show you where the towels are,” Cas says.

Dean nods and walks towards him, but Cas doesn’t move out of the way.

Instead, Cas grabs him by the hips and presses him back against the door frame before he captures his lips in a bruising kiss. Dean’s hands slide up his chest and around his neck, eagerly pulling him closer so he can open up for him and kiss him the way he’s been thinking about every day for the last two weeks.

Cas curls his tongue against his, sending heat shooting through Dean’s body, and he responds in kind, chasing the taste of Cas with his own tongue. Cas wedges his thigh between Dean’s legs, and Dean spreads them wider to accommodate him. The first press of Cas’s growing erection against his leg has him breaking the kiss to try to draw in the air he so desperately needs to clear his head. Cas smells like something deep and musky, he tastes sweet like he was eating candy, and Dean _can’t think_ when he’s this close to him, but he knows he was on his way to do something before he got distracted by this.

Even that half-formed thought disappears when he feels Cas’s mouth hot on his neck and hears his name on his lips. “Dean,” Cas sighs softly. His hands slip down to his ass, and Dean rocks forwards greedily, wanting Cas to know just how hard he’s getting for him. They both let out low noises of pleasure when Dean’s cock makes contact with Cas’s leg for the first time. It feels so fucking good that he does it again and again, rutting against his leg urgently and tipping his head to the side to let Cas keep working his magic on his skin. He’s so overwhelmed with pleasure that he can’t even concentrate enough to do anything but let Cas devour him.

“Can I take your shirt off?” Cas asks him, his words already coming out between ragged breaths.

Dean’s hands slip away to pull it up and over his head for him in response, and then he helps Cas do the same thing - which is when he suddenly remembers he needs to shower.

“I’m gross, Cas. Can we finish this after -”

But Cas’s lips crash against his again, swallowing his words along with any remaining inhibitions he may have had, and this time when Cas runs his hands down his chest and back around to his ass, Dean hitches a leg up, wrapping it around his waist in a desperate ploy to get closer to him.

“Fuck,” Cas curses, holding his leg in place and rutting against him hard. “So hot. Want you so bad. Missed you.”

Dean hums his agreement. He grips at Cas’s muscular back, pulling him as close as he possibly can while he keeps rolling his hips forward to find the friction he craves so badly. Cas moans deep in his throat before both of his hands slide down to the backs of his thighs - and then Dean’s stomach swoops with excitement and arousal when Cas lifts him right off the ground and starts walking towards bed.

He’s turned on more by Cas’s obvious display of strength than he’s ever been in his entire life, and he can feel his cock grow even harder where it’s trapped in his pants. He wraps both legs around his waist, still thrusting his hips to rub himself against Cas as Cas keeps fucking his mouth with his tongue.

He lands with a whoosh on the bed with Cas on top of him, and with Cas’s body draped over his, he can feel their hard lengths pressed together for the first time, groaning when they find a satisfying rhythm. Cas finally breaks their kiss and nudges his head to the side to trail his lips across Dean’s neck again. He feels Cas’s breath hot on his ear before he nuzzles into it and traces the shell of his ear with his tongue, causing goosebumps to erupt across his skin. Then Cas presses a kiss right behind his ear before he leaves little kisses on his way back down his neck to the curve of his shoulder.

Cas braces himself on one arm, bringing the other one up to Dean’s chest, brushing his thumb across his nipple and making Dean arch beneath him. He can feel his nipple pebbling from Cas’s touch and he calls out when Cas rolls it between his fingers as he latches onto his collarbone and sucks.

“Ah, god, yes,” Dean breathes, leaning into the pressure of his lips.  

Cas pinches and tugs his nipple gently until he seems to be happy with the mark he was working on, and then his hand moves quickly down Dean’s stomach to his fly. His lips follow his hand, kissing along his chest, and sucking his still sensitive nipple into his mouth while he works Dean’s fly open and shoves his hand down his pants.

“Fuck, Cas!” Dean calls out when he feels his hand wrap around his cock. Just the fact that it’s _Cas_ actually touching him again after he’s imagined it and they’ve talked about it for weeks is heavenly. He lays back and loses himself in the way Cas works his cock perfectly before he can get his brain to start working enough to remember to fumble between them and get Cas’s pants undone too while Cas keeps pumping him in his hand. He pushes Cas’s pants down his hips, and Cas pulls his down as well, and then they’re skin to skin, their soft flesh pressed together tight.

Dean gets his hands on Cas’s ass and they both make sounds of pleasure when they rut against each other with nothing between them, but then Dean freezes when Cas says, “Wait, wait, wait.” They both stop moving but Cas presses their lips together again, licking his way back into his mouth to kiss him in that way that turns him boneless. All he can do is lay back and indulge in this - in all the things Cas can make him feel - and in how happy he is to be here just like this again with the man he loves.

He startles when he feels a cool, slick hand between them, and realizes belatedly Cas must have reached for some lube.

“Oh god,” he gasps, his blood heating up instantly. Cas aligns their cocks in his hand, pressing their hot flesh together and stroking them the best he can, and Dean has to break their kiss to try to get the air back Cas is stealing from him.

“Could use another hand, freckles,” Cas says, his voice rough, nibbling on his bottom lip.

“Yeah,” Dean answers quickly, bringing his hand up to cover what Cas’s hand can’t.

“Mmm, that’s perfect,” Cas mumbles against his lips.

He follows Cas’s lead, matching the pace of his strokes, enveloping them both in the slick heat of their hands clasped together. His free hand is on Cas’s ass, groping him and urging him to rock forwards into their hands. Cas is still tearing him apart with every swipe of his tongue, intermittently sucking on the tip of it, or pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. Dean swipes his thumb to pass over the tip of Cas’s cock, letting out a soft whine when he feels the wetness of his precum on his skin, causing his own cock to throb when he transfers it to his slit.

“Dean, I’m - I’m going to -” Cas warns him.

Arousal clenches in his stomach just thinking about it. “Yeah, Cas. Wanna see you. Wanna see you come for me.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas repeats, pushing him closer to the edge just with the way he says his name. “Faster,” he whispers.

Cas pumps his cock faster in his hand, dragging Dean’s hand along with his, and now Dean can feel the familiar build of his own orgasm. “Don’t stop, baby. Keep going. Fuck, you feel good,” Dean pants.

“Are - are you close?” Cas stutters, closing his eyes on a groan.

“Close,” Dean promises with a brief kiss, their hands still moving together. “Just wanna see you.”

He can feel Cas’s body tensing on top of him, knows he’s only seconds away from coming, and he pushes him up a little bit with one hand so he can see between them. The sight of their cocks pressed together, peeking through the tunnel of their hands, both slicked up with Cas leaking from the tip is fucking erotic, and when he sees the first thick spurt of cum erupt from Cas’s cock he moans long and loud.

Seeing how fucking hot it is when Cas’s cum shoots all over his stomach is enough to get him off, too, just like he knew it would be. He pulls Cas back down on top of him and buries his face in the crook of his neck, thrusting against his hip and through the mess between them until his orgasm is wrenched out of him with a choked off cry of Cas’s name. His fingers press hard into Cas’s sweaty back, and his nails dig into his skin as he keeps moving his hips until he’s completely spent.

He goes boneless, collapsing back onto the bed gracelessly. He feels Cas’s lips hot on his skin, on his neck, across both cheeks, until their lips come together again. They trade lazy kisses and satisfied smiles until they curl up together with Dean’s head on Cas’s shoulder.

He can feel himself beginning to doze off and can’t seem to find it in him to care. The scent of Cas, his post-orgasm haze, and Cas’s strong arms circled around him are providing the perfect nap environment, and he doesn’t know the last time he felt this happy.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Cas’s voice says, startling Dean back to full consciousness.

“Caaas,” Dean whines.

Cas chuckles, filling Dean’s heart with the sound. “We only have a day together, and I don’t want to spend it all sleeping, even if you are adorable all curled up on me.”

“But you’re all warm and comfy,” Dean complains. “C’mon, babe, just let me lay here for a couple more minutes,” Dean says, kissing his chest and nuzzling in closer.

Cas gathers him to his body even closer, and his voice is softer than he thinks he’s ever heard it when he replies, “How am I supposed to say no to you when you make me feel like this?”

Something clenches inside of him, and he wonders for a second if maybe he’s not the only one who feels as strongly as he does. Maybe Cas loves him too, but like Dean, he’s too afraid to say anything when they’ve really only seen each other twice. He lets himself believe in the possibility while he nods off into sleep. He’s sure it’s more than five minutes later when he feels Cas’s hand running up and down his back and his lips in his hair.

“Wakey, wakey,” Cas prompts him.

“Ugh,” Dean grumbles.

“You either need to wake up, or stop clinging to me so tight so I can put the pizza in the oven before I burn the house down,” Cas says, sounding amused. The minute Dean moves to roll over he lets out a sound of disgust at the feeling of dried cum stuck to him. Cas laughs lightly and leans in to press a kiss to his forehead. “That’ll teach you to fall asleep right away.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Dean complains, indulging in a stretch.

When he opens his eyes again, Cas is half sitting up, like he stopped midway through, and his eyes are raking up and down his body greedily. That’s when Dean realizes he’s completely naked (except for his socks), covered in cum, and still not entirely soft. Guess his body is attracted to Cas even in his sleep. He stops moving and waits for Cas’s eyes to catch his before he lifts his brows questioningly.

“Sorry,” Cas says quickly, flushing deeply. “You make quite a picture laid out like that.”

“Forgot I was naked,” Dean admits with a grin. “It okay if I take that shower now?”

“As long as you don’t mind if I join you, considering you’re not the only one dirty now.” Dean nods eagerly. “I’ll put the pizza in and then be right there. I’ll grab you a towel, too, since we didn’t make it quite that far earlier.”

“Yeah, that’ll happen when you press me up against the wall,” Dean teases.

“I’ll remember that in the shower,” Cas answers, then he gets up - also butt naked - and walks around the bed and out the door, gifting Dean an excellent chance to check out his ass as he goes.

He exhales loudly, wondering how he’s going to make it through all the things he wants to do to Cas in just 24 hours, then smiles at the thought before he reluctantly gets out of bed and walks to the bathroom. He takes a leak while he waits for the water to heat up, then climbs into the shower. He’s immediately hit with that musky scent he smelled on Cas’s skin earlier and breathes it in, enjoying the way it overpowers his sense of smell.

He wipes off the cum on his torso first, then puts his face under the water and rubs where Cas said he had grease on his cheek.

“Are you really okay with it if I join you?” Cas asks from just behind the shower curtain.

“Hell yeah, get in here,” Dean tells him.

Cas opens the shower curtain, letting the cool air in, and Dean moves over to make some room for him. He shouldn’t have bothered, because Cas approaches him and has his hands on his naked chest almost instantly. He’s not cold exactly, but he’s much cooler than the water is, and Dean shivers when his hands run up to his shoulders and slide slowly down his arms.

“Hi,” Cas breathes, smiling up at him.

“Hi,” Dean answers, smiling in return. “Your shower smells like you.”

“Is that a good thing?”

Dean looks down at the semi he’s sporting and grins back up at Cas. “What do you think?”

“I think I forgot how insatiable hormones used to be when I was twenty-one,” Cas laughs, but he kisses him soft and slow - no tongue - before he reaches for a bar of soap. “Wanna help me wash my back?” he asks coyly.

“Like I’d ever say no to that,” Dean replies, taking the soap from him and turning Cas so his chest gets hit with the water. He spins him back around to face him, and Cas has laughter dancing in his eyes now.

“I feel like a ballerina for all the times you’re twirling me,” he says.

“Shut up or you can wash your own back,” Dean says back, but he leans in to kiss him while he runs the bar of soap over his chest slowly.

“The pizza is going to be ready in fifteen minutes,” Cas warns him, and Dean nods his understanding, though he doesn’t speed up his hand moving across his strong chest.

He nudges Cas’s chin up with his nose and mouths his way across his jaw line, nipping and licking as he gets closer to his neck. “You’re so hot, babe,” he tells him. “Can’t believe you’re mine.”

“Mmm well, maybe the hickey I left on you will help to remind you,” Cas replies, tapping his collarbone with a single finger.

Dean feels desire coil in his stomach at the same time his dick starts filling out again. “Uh, I think you might’ve discovered a new kink with that, Cas.”

“I suppose I can’t blame you for that, as marking you got me going earlier,” Cas admits. “I’m quite pleased with the thought of people looking at you and knowing you’re mine.”

Dean turns him around again and washes his back for him. “Am yours,” he confirms. “Been yours for a long time.” He dips his head to nuzzle into the slope of Cas’s neck while his hands move across the wide breadth of his shoulders. “Hope to be yours for a long time.”

“Dean,” Cas sighs happily, leaning back against him.

Dean is powerless to do anything but wrap his arms around Cas’s waist, hooking his chin over his shoulder and enjoying the feeling of the water beating down on both of them. His mostly hard dick is nestled nicely against the swell of Cas’s ass now, too, which isn’t what he was going for but is definitely an enjoyable bonus.

“You can get off again if you need to,” Cas offers. “I’ll help.”

His cock twitches at the invitation, but Dean stays where he is, kissing the boat of Cas’s jaw. “What about you?”

“I have plans for us later, and I don’t know how hard I’ll be able to get if we both get off again right now.”

Dean himself doesn’t have a single worry about being able to get hard later. “Don’t wanna do stuff if you don’t want to, too.”

Cas takes his hand and pushes it down until it’s resting on his growing erection. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you,” Cas replies. He shifts and presses backwards so that Dean’s cock slides right between his cheeks and Dean isn’t able to stifle a groan. Then Cas is reaching up to the shower caddy and holding out a bottle of lube for him. He turns his head to meet Dean’s eyes out of the corner of his, and grins at him. Cas keeps lube in the shower. No wonder he loves this guy.

Dean takes the lube and flips the top. “You want me to just…?” He slides his dick between his ass cheeks to get his point across.

“That works for me, if you want to.”

He’d probably get off faster if it was the other way around. If Cas was rutting against his ass and sliding past his hole. His dick is obviously on board with that idea too, because he can feel it move between them.

“Uhm,” Dean replies, trying to think about how to say it. “Not that I don’t love your ass, babe, because I do -”

“Ohhh,” Cas says suddenly. “I forgot about your needy bottom comment a while ago. You want me to touch you instead?”

Dean knows Cas can hear the way his breath hitches, and apparently that’s all the answer he needs, because the very next second Dean feels himself pressed face first against the cold tiled wall. Cas holds his hand out and says, “Lube.” Dean gives it up quickly, anticipation coiling in his stomach. “I’m not going to fuck you for the first time in the shower,” Cas says, “but I can still make you feel good.” Dean nods quickly the best he can with his face still against the wall. “Anything off limits here?” Cas asks, running his hands over Dean’s ass cheeks. Since he already said he wasn’t going to fuck him here, Dean shakes his head no. “Fingers?”

Dean groans needily and feels Cas’s teeth on his shoulder before a slick finger is running along his crack, making him feel like sparks are exploding all along his skin. Nobody’s ever touched him there but himself and just like jacking off, it feels about a hundred times better when it’s somebody else - and even better than that because it’s Cas. He closes his eyes with a gasp as Cas’s finger starts circling his hole.

“You’re so sensitive. Makes me feel like I’m doing something right already,” Cas says quietly.

“Feels really, really good,” Dean confesses.

“Has anybody else ever…?”

“Never,” Dean replies, which elicits a groan from Cas.

“This isn’t helping with my possessive flare when it comes to you,” Cas responds, his voice low enough it’s almost a growl. Then, much, much softer, he says, “Tell me if you don’t like it.” And then the tip of Cas’s finger breaches his hole. He clenches automatically for a split second before he feels Cas take his heavy cock into his hand, and the very first stroke has him relaxing. “Perfect,” Cas praises him, kissing the side of his face. He can feel the tip of his finger wiggling a little bit before he tugs on his rim gently, making Dean call out needily. “Okay?” Cas checks.

“Fuck yes,” Dean answers, his voice coming out rough already. He can’t stop thinking about how unbelievably hot it is that a part of Cas is _inside_ him.

Cas speeds his strokes up, squeezing the head of his cock on the upstroke, twisting his wrist on the way back down and making Dean’s toes curl on the hard floor of the bathtub. His cock is already so sensitive from coming not long ago, and Cas is bringing him to the edge faster than Dean’s entirely comfortable with.

Cas circles his finger inside of him and asks, “More?” Dean nods again, and then he moans when his finger slips right into his center. “Holy fuck, that’s tight,” Cas groans, and his fist tightens around Dean’s cock. “You feel unbelievable, Dean. It’s going to feel so good when you let me inside of you.”

“Cas,” Dean gasps. “I’m - fuck - I’m already -”

“Mmm you’re so perfect, baby. So perfect for me,” Cas repeats. Dean feels Cas’s cock, fully hard now, slip between his thighs, and when Cas rocks forward, Dean follows his movement automatically and fucks himself on Cas’s finger unintentionally. He calls out loudly when his finger slides in a little further and Cas’s hand slides down his cock. _Fuck._ He bucks forward, chasing the friction of his hand, and Cas waits for his finger to slip out before he pushes it right back in, keeping perfect time with his hand stripping his cock.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dean curses, torn between wanting to be fucked on Cas’s finger and wanting Cas to keep jerking him off, all while teetering on the edge of his orgasm.

“So unbelievably sexy,” Cas breathes in his ear. “I’m going to come with you. I can’t watch you loving this so much, hear you like this, and not get off. Your ass is sublime.”

Dean thinks about Cas coming on his ass, just like they talked about the first time they had phone sex, and he has to bite down on his lip to stop himself from asking for it. The thought is enough to drag him that much closer to the end and he tenses, trying not to come yet because this feels so good he doesn't want it to stop.

“Don’t hold back on me. It’s my turn to see you. Show me how hard I can make you come. How much you like my finger inside of you,” Cas prompts him.

“Fuckin’ love it. I’m gonna come so hard, baby,” Dean promises.

“I’m going to come on your ass, Dean. Just like we talked about on the phone. I’m almost there,” Cas warns him.

It’s those words and only one more thrust through Cas’s slick fist that causes Dean to spill over, painting the wall white in front him. His body tenses as Cas works him through it, and he’s still coming when he feels Cas’s cum explode over the curve of his ass cheeks.

“Oh god,” Dean gasps, locking up again, feeling more cum dribbling out of him somehow as his knees go weak and he starts to slide down the wall.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Cas says, still out of breath, his finger sliding out of Dean’s ass and his arms come quickly around his waist to hold him up. “Don’t fall in the shower, my love.” Dean’s heart, already pounding wildly from the best orgasm of his entire life, stutters in his chest at the endearment _and_ at how easily Cas seems to be able to take his weight. “Rookie mistake,” Cas teases, pressing his lips to the back of his neck.

Dean somehow finds the strength to lift his arms to brace himself against the wall. “I think you killed me,” Dean admits. “I literally can’t feel my legs.”

Cas chuckles happily, kissing his shoulders and his neck over and over. “You are extremely good for my ego.” Dean manages a soft huff of laughter, still trying to catch his breath. “You okay to stand there for a second so I can wash you off?” Dean nods, and a second later he sees Cas bend over, picking up the bar of soap he apparently dropped somewhere along the way, before he feels it on his skin. He hums with bliss as Cas cleans him up, and by the time Cas is rinsing him off, he can feel his legs again, and he turns around to face him.

“Just look at those freckles with your flushed cheeks,” Cas says, brushing his thumbs across them.

Dean leans in to kiss him gently, sliding their lips together like they’ve done it a million times before, his heart so full in his chest he doesn't know how it isn’t bursting out of him.

They’re interrupted by the beeping of the stove, and Cas pulls away instantly. He reaches over to turn off the water and wraps Dean in a towel before he briefly towels off his hair and then wraps the towel around his waist and takes off into the kitchen without a word.

Dean’s grinning to himself as he dries off, then walks into Cas’s bedroom to pick his clothes up off the floor.

Cas comes back in, wraps his arms around him from behind, and says, “I propose we get into comfy clothes and don’t leave the apartment until tomorrow.”

“I am so down for that,” Dean agrees, remembering his plan to make Cas relax this weekend.

Without any further discussion, he pulls out his lounge pants and an old t-shirt, slips them on, and waits for Cas to do the same before they walk out to the kitchen hand in hand to eat their lunch.

 


	7. Chapter 7

This is only the second time Dean’s been in Cas’s apartment, but somehow it just feels _right_ being here. Just like picking Cas up at work and driving him home had felt right. Kissing him, touching him, showering with him, even standing in the middle of the kitchen eating their pizza straight off of the pan with him feels right. He wonders if he’ll ever get used to just how right _everything_ feels when it comes to Cas.

They can’t seem to stop touching each other - not that either of them are complaining or anything. Even when they were eating lunch, they had stood just close enough that their arms would brush whenever they took a bite. Now, they’re just laying on the couch. Cas said something about putting the TV on, but he hasn’t actually done it, and Dean hasn’t asked him to. His head is in Cas’s lap, Cas is stroking his fingers through his short hair, and he doesn’t even know the last time he’s felt this peaceful.

If he ever has.

Two orgasms in an hour probably has at least something to do with that, but he still thinks it’s mostly being with Cas. He could easily fall asleep like this, but he’s too busy basking in every brush of Cas’s fingers on his scalp and memorizing the soft expression in Cas’s eyes.

“You look like you’re about to fall asleep on me again,” Cas comments.

“You’re comfortable as hell, and I _could_ nap here, but I’m not gonna pass out on you.”

“What were you thinking about?” Cas asks him.

Dean gives a shrug of his shoulder. “How right all this feels.”

Cas’s hand drifts down to cup his chin, making sure Dean looks up at him for a second. “Feels good for me, too. I like having you here.”

“Works out well then, since I like being here," Dean smiles.

“What’s your apartment like compared to mine?”

“We actually rent a house, but it’s only because it was Bobby’s. It’s not big or anything, but I still wouldn’t be able to afford it on my own if Bobby wasn’t basically giving it to us,” Dean explains. “Two bedrooms that are only big enough for single beds. Eat-in kitchen, living room, laundry room, one bathroom, no garage.” That’s his least favorite part. “It’s tiny, but it’s been home for a handful of years now. Me and Sammy’s first ever place just the two of us. I’ll miss the stupid place when I move,” he realizes suddenly.

“I still have a hard time believing you’re going to leave behind everything you’ve ever known just for me,” Cas says quietly.

Dean feels his face heat up a little bit but replies with the first thing that comes to mind. “I dunno, man. My mom always used to say something about how you only regret the chances you don’t take or some shit.”

“Everything sounds so profound when you add your own little flare to it,” Cas teases him. Then, sounding more serious, he continues, “If it wasn’t for Amelia and Claire I would move to be with you, Dean. I just can’t leave her right now when she’s already lost Jimmy. I don’t want her to have to deal with everything all alone.”

“Yeah. I get it. She’s family. I don’t know that I’d be able to leave Sam either. Never thought I’d be even a little bit happy that he wants to leave the nest, you know? But it would’ve sucked having to choose between you.”

“It wouldn’t have been a choice,” Cas says sadly. Dean doesn’t know how true that is, but decides not to comment. “He only has another week or so of school left, doesn’t he?”

“Yep, only four days left next week and his graduation is on Friday,” Dean answers. “Geek’s even valedictorian.”

“You did so well with him,” Cas praises him. “I hope you know that.”

“Nah, he woulda turned out the same way living with anybody. He’s a good kid. Has nothing to do with me,” Dean disagrees.

“I’m sure he would be the first one to argue with you about that.”

Dean snorts with amusement. “You ain’t wrong.”

There’s a comfortable silence where Cas just keeps pushing his hand through Dean’s hair in a soothing rhythm. “This is very relaxing. You’re like a very large cat,” he says suddenly.

“Believe me, if I could purr, I’d be purring up a storm right now. I might have a bit of a thing for your hands in my hair,” Dean admits.

“You seem to have a lot of _things_ when it comes to me. I’m beginning to think you just like me touching you.”

“You make me feel good,” Dean says.

“I can relate. Hey, do you think once we live in the same city we’ll forget just how nice it is to actually be able to touch each other?”

“I dunno,” Dean says, contemplating the question. “Realistically, I guess we’d probably get used to it eventually. But that doesn’t mean it won’t still feel good. Honestly, I can’t really imagine ever not feeling like this if I’m with you.”

Cas sighs heavily. “How am I supposed to let you leave tomorrow?”

Dean feels a fresh crack in his heart at the idea. “I don’t wanna think about that, okay? I just wanna concentrate on how good it feels to be together while I’m here.”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s just as hard on you to leave as it is on me. I won’t bring it up anymore,” Cas promises. “So, do you want to actually do something or do you want me to just keep petting you?”

“Oh I’ve got _lots_ of ideas of things I wanna do with you,” Dean says suggestively.

“Kids these days, so insatiable,” Cas jokes back, obviously reading Dean’s tone perfectly. “Which reminds me, we never did show each other our test results.”

“Got my letter in my bag. Don’t let me forget before we get goin’ for round three,” Dean tells him.

This time it’s Cas’s turn to snort with laughter. “You have much more faith in me than I do.”

“Come on, it’s not even three. We’ve got another eight hours or so before bed. There’s no way you won’t be able to get it up again by then.” He tilts his head up again to aim a full-watt smile at his boyfriend. “I’m hot, remember?”

“Impossible for me to forget when you’re lying in my lap looking up at me through those eyelashes of yours,” Cas responds.

And dammit, that makes his face heat up. He decides to change the subject. “I brought my laptop so we could watch Netflix if you want. Or we can watch a movie, or I know there’s a ball game on this afternoon,” Dean offers. “Or we can stop being lazy and go out somewhere. Totally up to you.”

“I really don’t want to get up,” Cas admits, which makes Dean laugh softly, because he feels the same way. “So I vote for whatever’s on TV, but only baseball as a last resort.” Cas turns the TV on and starts flicking through channels.

Dean scoffs. “I don’t even get how you can _not_ like baseball. The baseball pants alone, dude.” Cas just raises an eyebrow at him and settles on the tail end of _National Treasure_. Dean’s seen this at least two dozen times. “C’mon! A bunch of dudes in good shape, all muscled up with tight pants on, bending over and running around. Don’t forget I already know you have a thing for sweaty guys.”

“It’s not just sweaty guys. It’s _you_ , Dean,” Cas corrects.

“ _Why are you so obsessed with me_?” Dean says, pitching his voice in a falsetto and already grinning at the brilliance of his joke. Then his face drops when he peeks up at Cas and sees he isn’t laughing, knowing he doesn’t get the quote. “Never mind,” he sighs heavily. His best jokes always seem lost on Cas.

“What’s that one from?” Cas asks, knowing about his fondness for quoting movies and TV shows.

“A movie I never should have admitted to watching in the first place, so I guess you’ll never know,” Dean quips, glad for the first time at Cas’s ignorance of pop culture once he remembers which movie it’s actually from.

Cas reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone, taps a few buttons and then says, “Mean Girls? Isn’t that what you would call a _chick flick?_ ”

Dean’s jaw drops once he realizes Cas Googled it. “Damn Gabriel and that iPhone!”

Cas laughs, which Dean has a hard time keeping a straight face through. He blabs his thoughts, “Man, I swear your laugh is my favorite sound in the whole fucking world.”

Cas’s hand pauses in his hair. “ _Dean_ ,” he breathes. “You still manage to catch me off guard with how sweet you can be.”

“It’s like you kill my filter or something,” Dean explains. “Anybody else who knows me would swear I’d rather die than talk about feelings.”

“Are they right?” Cas asks.

“Except when it comes to you, yeah. Hate that shit usually.”

“Why am I different?”

 _Because I love you,_ is what comes to mind. But that’s not what he says. Maybe there are some feelings he still doesn’t want to talk about. (Ya know, the ones that scare the shit out of him.) “Because you’re you.”

There’s a beat of silence before Cas responds, “How do you tend to react when others talk to you about how they feel?”

“Uh, w-well,” Dean sputters, mind racing a million miles a minute at what _that_ might mean. “Guess if we’re talking past relationship stuff or whatever, I typically bailed pretty fast ‘cause I felt like I couldn’t do the serious thing with being responsible for Sam. and I didn't want to hurt anybody.”

“And now?”

He’s really pushing this.

“As long as we’re talking about you and the feelings are good feelings, I don’t think there’s anything you could say to make me want to bail.” He swallows, then adds, “Far as I’m concerned this is serious now.”

“For me, too,” Cas says happily. “Although I will admit that I’m constantly in an internal argument with myself over that.”

Dean feels his heart drop into his stomach. “You... don’t always think, uh -”

“Stop,” Cas says softly. “That’s not what I meant. I meant I can’t stop thinking about a future with you and hoping this works out permanently, and then almost immediately afterwards I start to tell myself not to think that way since we’ve really only seen each other twice.”

“Huh,” Dean answers. He gets where he’s coming from because there is a weird disconnect between how comfortable they are with each other, how well they know each other, and how much time they’ve actually spent in each other’s company. He just stopped caring about that somewhere along the way. “Guess I kinda started thinking of us seeing each other in person as a bonus, you know? I feel like I get almost everything I need from you even when we can’t be together like this. And it’s a lot easier now knowing that in two weeks I’m gonna be right back here again, and two weeks again after that, and then pretty soon I’ll be able to sneak in and sleep in your bed any night I want.”

“I want that so badly,” Cas says softly. “I will admit that’s been something particularly hard for me.”

“Sleeping alone?”

Cas nods. “It’s going to sound strange, but it’s almost as if my mind knows you can’t be here and gets it. **B** ut my heart? My heart aches when I’m in bed alone when I so desperately want to be with you.”

“Baaabe,” Dean says. He turns over onto his stomach and crawls his way up so his head rests on Cas’s chest and he can circle his arms around him. “Why didn’t you ever say anything before?”

He feels Cas press a kiss to the top of his head as his hands begin a gentle trail up and down Dean’s back. “Because it’s pointless to bring it up when there’s nothing we can do about it right now.”

Dean sighs heavily. “Fucking kills me that you feel like that. Like you’re lonely ‘cause I’m not here.”

“And _that’s_ another reason,” Cas says. “I knew you’d blame yourself when you shouldn’t.”

“Yeah? Who else should I blame, then? It’s _me_ you’re missing.”

“It’s because of you that we get to be together at all! You’re the one who keeps driving here to see me, remember?”

“I’ll come -” But the words die on his lips. He can’t say what his impulse is to say. “I’d offer to come more often. I’d come every weekend if I could, but I can’t. I can’t just leave Sam home alone two days a week every week,” Dean explains, feeling like his heart is being torn in two.

“I know, my - freckles,” Cas says, stumbling over his words. Dean wonders if he was about to be called _my love_ again and hates that Cas stopped himself from saying it. “You have no fault here. Please don’t feel like you do.”

“Well, it kinda scares me a little, too,” Dean confesses.

“Why’s that?”

“Be pretty easy to find somebody else to fill your bed,” Dean says quietly.

He can feel Cas shaking his head. “Do you really believe that you’re so easily replaceable to me? Because you’re not. It’s not just any body I want next to me, it’s _you_ , Dean.”

“I -” He has to stop himself from saying _I love you_ again. “I just care about you so much, Cas. I know I mean something to you, too, but -”

Dean feels Cas tilt his chin up, urging him to look up at him. “Everything, Dean. You mean everything to me.” He feels his heart turn to mush at Cas’s words, and it must show in his eyes or something, because Cas smiles softly. He smooths a tuft of hair on the side of Dean’s head where it must be standing up from where he was laying on him, looks him straight in the eye and says, “We’re in love, aren’t we?”

Dean feels all the air leave his lungs in a rush. “I - I - you? Me?” is what comes out, and Cas smiles wider and nods. Dean takes a deep, steadying breath in and says, “Then yeah. We are.”

He’s never seen anything in his entire life as beautiful as the smile on Cas’s face as he says, “I love you, Dean. I’ve loved you for so long.”

“I love you too, baby. I do. So fucking much already,” Dean breathes. He’s never said those words to anybody outside of family before - and rarely at that.

Cas’s hands move to his hips and urge him to move up his body more so that he can reach him for a kiss. Dean lets himself be dragged up his body happily, and when their lips come together for this kiss, it’s different somehow. It’s soft and sweet, and instead of being overwhelmed with lust towards his boyfriend, he’s filled with a mixture of warmth and so much happiness he almost feels giddy. The kiss doesn’t last long because they’re both smiling too much for it to really work, but when he pulls away, Cas keeps his hands on his face, tracing his cheeks, his eyebrows, and his lips with his thumbs.

“For so long?” Dean repeats, the words still echoing in his mind.

Cas nods again. “I knew I loved you long before I ever saw you face to face.”

Dean lets out a happy chuckle. “I felt the same way. Kept telling myself it was impossible to love somebody I’d never met, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t true. Hell, Nev and Max probably have it on film when they asked me if I loved you and I turn red as a tomato. Didn’t want to say yes when I didn’t know for sure who you were, but I couldn’t lie and say no, either.”

“Were you going to tell me this weekend?” Cas asks him.

“Probably not,” Dean admits, grinning. “Unless it slipped out by accident. Almost already happened a few times. But at least it wasn’t just me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You called me _my love_ in the shower,” Dean tells him.

Cas’s eyes squint, and he’s obviously trying to think back to when he said it, but clearly doesn’t come up with anything. He shrugs, looking unashamed as he accepts it. “And _still_ you weren’t going to say anything!?”

“I didn’t know if you meant it or if it just came out accidentally!”

Cas laughs lightly and leans in to press another quick kiss to his lips. “I promise you, I have never accidentally told somebody I loved them before. It isn’t a word I use lightly.”

“Have you ever been in love before?” Dean asks him, suddenly curious.

“Oh yes,” Cas answers quickly. “I was madly in love with my very first boyfriend, who I dated for all of three weeks when I was fifteen. I’m also fairly certain there’s still a lingering sense of love for the boy I met at a party who gave me my first blow job in a bathroom, even though I never saw him again after that.” Dean gives him a little shove, knowing now that he doesn’t really mean it in either of those scenarios, and Cas laughs again. He looks so happy. “In all seriousness, the only other relationship I was in long enough to even start to go in that direction ended right after Jimmy died when the guy couldn’t handle everything I was dealing with. Which was the last time I was tested for STDs, too, incidentally.”

“Sounds like you were better off without him if he was a dick and ditched you after you lost your twin brother,” Dean says, insulted on his behalf.

“Looking back, I think he wanted to see if I cared enough about him breaking up with me to come out of the funk I was in over Jimmy. Turns out I didn’t, so I’m sure it was for the best anyway. I’m assuming you’ve never been in love either?”

“Not like this,” Dean answers, and Cas tilts his head to the side. “When I was sixteen, before my dad died, I was dating this girl. Her name was Cassie, actually, which is kinda weird now that I think about it.”

“Apparently you have a type for names,” Cas teases him.

“Apparently,” he agrees. “We spent a couple weeks together, and I know it doesn’t sound like it’d be long enough to love somebody, but I thought I did at the time. I was gonna tell her, too. Had it all planned out and everything, and then the shit hit the fan when I let it slip that I was into guys, too. She ghosted me after that. Never saw or heard from her again.”

“Why would that matter?” Cas asks him.

Dean shrugs. “She said it was just too weird for her. Fucking broke my heart at the time. But now, you know, comparing that to what it feels like being with you, I don’t know if I actually loved her or not anyway.”

“While that’s very sweet of you to say, I think it’s more likely that you did love her the way a sixteen year old can, though I’m hoping what we have now ends up being more real than that.”

“Well, yeah,” Dean agrees. “It is already. You’re the first person I’ve ever said it to.”

“I like being so many of your firsts,” Cas tells him.

Dean raises an eyebrow playfully. “Just what else are you hoping to get outta me, babe?”

“The list is endless,” Cas says, completely unashamed. “If I remember correctly, I’m already your first boyfriend, first time having phone sex, first one who’s been inside of you in any capacity, and now the first one you’ve said I love you to. I think I’m doing fairly well for only officially being together for thirteen days.”

“And the weekend is far from being over,” Dean reminds him, leaning in to kiss him suggestively.

“I love you,” Cas says as they break apart a few seconds later. “I’m so glad you’re here. Today’s already been better than I even hoped.”

“Attacking me as soon as I walked into your room probably helped,” Dean teases, lying his head back down onto his chest.

“Excuse me. I’ll have you know I resisted you for a solid two minutes while you were in my room,” Cas teases back.

Dean lets out a huff of laughter. “You poor baby. Must have been hard.”

“Oh, I was hard from the minute you kissed me in your car,” Cas quips.

“That makes two of us.”

“Hey, look,” Cas says suddenly. “ _Wayne’s World_ is on next.” Dean sits up excitedly and looks over at the TV. “Isn’t this one of those movies you quote to me all the time?” Cas checks.

“Yep,” Dean answers, happily popping the p at the end.

“Then we should watch this,” Cas suggests.

“Hell yes we should. Party on, Cas.”

Cas narrows his eyes at him. “I’m assuming I’ll understand that in the next two hours.”

“Sit up and hold my hand,” Dean says, holding his hand out palm-up. “And no talking!”

Cas snorts but does as he asks, sitting up straight, lacing their fingers together and pulling their entwined hands into his lap. Cas leans over to kiss him on the temple, and the two of them sit and watch the movie, both laughing their heads off the whole time.

They lose almost an hour talking about the movie once it’s over, and then it takes another twenty minutes of friendly bickering over dinner before they finally decide on ordering in Chinese food. Cas absolutely blows his mind when he refuses to get plates and instead shows him how the cartons fold into little plates on their own. He knows Sam’s gonna lose his shit when he shows him because it's exactly the kind of thing he'd nerd out about.

Over dinner, Cas insists that since he watched one of Dean’s favorite movies, that Dean has to read one of his favorite books. Instead, they somehow wind up laying in Cas’s bed, Dean’s head in his lap again, while Cas reads to him from his favorite book of poetry. It’s undoubtedly the corniest thing Dean’s ever done in his life, but considering he’s in his boyfriends bed, he really can’t find it in him to complain.

“This is weird just listening to you talk. Sorta feels like we’re on the phone, except my face is real close to your dick,” Dean says.

“Exactly where I like it the most,” Cas answers, and Dean laughs at the joke.

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Dean asks.

“Considering what I just said, I can only imagine,” Cas replies.

Dean laughs again and sits up so he won’t be tempted by the bulge in Cas’s pants that hasn’t been entirely soft since they got into his bed. “The beer I brought. We should have some. We don’t have to wake up early and there’s no reason why we can’t have a couple.”

“I think the last time I drank with the goal in mind of actually getting drunk was my birthday,” Cas says.

“I remember that. Almost a year ago now. Worked out pretty well for me.”

“Let’s do it,” Cas decides, and the two of them roll out of bed to get themselves some beer.

Dean’s heart soars at the way Cas’s hand on his lower back already feels familiar when they walk the few steps to the kitchen. Cas grabs two bottles out of the fridge and rifles through a drawer to find a beer opener. Dean pops the tops for them both, hands a beer to Cas and says, “Bottoms up.”

Cas smiles and takes a drink, nodding appreciatively after the first sip. “Much better than the garbage I have in the fridge. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean can’t help the way he puffs up from the compliment. He likes taking care of people, and even though in this case it’s something silly like buying Cas better beer than the cheap shit he usually drinks, Cas thanked him and he feels damn good to be able to do anything to make Cas’s life a little better.

“Wish you’d let me do more for you,” Dean replies.

Cas shakes his head. “You already do so much for me.”

“I like taking care of you. You work too hard, babe. You need somebody to make you slow down before you get an ulcer or something.”

“I am slowing down, remember? This was my last weekend working.”

“It was!? Not even morning shifts?” Dean asks, sure Cas hasn’t told him this before.

“Totally done, unless I get called in or something. I don’t know what I’ll do with so much free time,” Cas admits with a half smile.

“Well, I mean, you could always come visit me now that I fixed your car,” Dean says shyly.

Cas pauses with his beer bottle halfway to his mouth. “I _could_ come visit you. Why didn’t I think of that?”

Dean feels excitement spread through him. “Really? I mean, _really_ really?”

“Do you really think my car can make that trip without falling apart?” Cas asks him.

“Yeah. From what I saw, there’s nothing else wrong under the hood. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think you’d be safe.”

Cas takes a drink of his beer and nods along, obviously deep in thought. “I’d have to look at my budget.”

“Wouldn’t cost you anything except gas,” Dean says quickly. “Obviously you’d stay with me -”

“In your single bed?”

“Like it’s gonna be a problem for us to be smushed together in a tiny bed,” Dean says dryly, which makes Cas chuckle. “I can cook enough for three instead of two for a couple days, and we don’t have to do anything that would cost money.”

“You’re adorable when you get excited like this,” Cas tells him, his eyes dancing with happiness.

“Come onnnn,” Dean whines. “Tell me you’ll come. You’ll get to sleep beside me again, you could actually get to _know_ Sam - hell, you could even come to the graduation dinner thing I have set up for Saturday. I could introduce you to everybody! Please, baby?”

“As long as I have enough for gas, I’ll come. It’s impossible to say no to you when I can make you so happy by saying yes.”

Dean lets out a gleeful whoop, puts his beer on the counter and wraps his arms around his boyfriend, even lifting him a few inches off the ground in his excitement. “Fuck I love you,” Dean gushes before he crashes his lips to Cas’s. Cas spins them so Dean’s back is pressed against the counter and plasters his body over his.

“Tell me again,” Cas asks him, nipping at his bottom lip.

“I love you,” Dean repeats. “I love you, Cas.”

“Mmm,” is all of Cas’s response because his lips are back on his, and his tongue is licking its way into his mouth. Cas forces his legs further apart with his foot and inserts himself into the space between them, deepening the kiss as he presses their crotches together.

Dean’s hands are around Cas’s waist, eagerly pushing their way up to feel his smooth skin under his palms, urging him closer with a roll of his hips. Cas follows his lead for several glorious seconds before he pulls away and takes a big step back.

“Wh-what?” Dean stammers, still reaching for him stupidly. “What’re you movin' all the way over there for?”

Cas takes a deep breath as if to clear his mind. “I thought we were going to drink our beer.”

“Fuck the beer,” Dean says quickly, earning himself a huff of laughter from Cas.

“Obviously I want you, but I want you in my bed, closer to bedtime so I can actually let you pass out after I make you come so hard you can’t feel your legs again,” Cas says, with so much _promise_ in his voice that Dean can barely stifle a moan.

“Goddamn. The things you do to me, Cas.”

“The feeling is mutual, I assure you. Now grab your beer and let’s take a seat on the couch - where you are not going to attempt to seduce me,” Cas warns him.

Dean gapes at him even as he picks his beer back up and makes his way over to the couch. “I don’t know how I keep getting blamed for the way you can’t keep your hands off of me.”

“Well, maybe if you didn’t _submit_ to me so easily every time I touch you it wouldn’t be so irresistible to take more and more.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually complaining that one kiss from you is enough to get me ass up and panting,” Dean says.

Cas plops down on the couch beside him and bangs his forehead on Dean’s shoulder with a groan. “Please don’t paint that picture for me. I’m having a hard enough time resisting you as it is.”

Dean snorts with laughter. “That’s on you. You know you can have it whenever you want it.”

Cas’s eyes go dramatically wider before he takes a long pull from his bottle of beer, which only makes Dean grin wider. “I thought you said you wanted to work up to it.”

Dean shrugs. “Kinda feel like we have. There’s no rush or anything, but I mean, you kinda blew my mind earlier with your finger, so I guess I’m a little anxious for more.”

“I can give you several more fingers,” Cas answers, which makes Dean’s mouth go a little dry. “I even have a toy or two if you’d prefer to try it that way before the real thing.”

“ _Sex_ toys? Like a _dildo_?” Dean asks, his voice several octaves higher than usual.

“Relax, my love. It was just an option.”

“Why - wh- why do you have those? I thought you liked being the one in control or whatever?”

Cas raises his eyebrows. “Maybe have some more to drink so you don’t go all squeaky on me, okay?”

Dean glowers at him but does take the suggestion. He downs the rest of the bottle and then hops up to get himself another one. “You need another one?” he calls out to Cas.

“Sure,” Cas answers, his amusement audible in his voice.

Dean sits back down beside him and bumps their shoulders together. “For the record... I’m not against the toy thing or whatever, but I like the idea of it being you more than something like that. Especially for my first time.”

Cas leans over to drag his lips across the pulse point on Dean’s neck and says, “I like the idea of it being me, too.”

Dean tilts his head to the side, wanting to give Cas more space to taste as much of his skin as he wants, and to his delight, Cas does just that, dragging his lips up his neck and along his jaw. “You know,” Dean says, his voice coming out already embarrassingly breathy, “if you don’t want me to come in my pants you’re gonna have to stop that.”

“You taste so good though,” Cas answers, not stopping for any longer than it took to answer him. Dean can hear him take in a breath before he says, “And you smell phenomenal. I want to taste every _single_ inch of you.”

“Okay,” Dean agrees immediately. He can feel Cas’s lips turn into a smile against his skin and since he knows he’s getting cocky, he decides to try to take him down a notch. “Wanna hear a secret?”

Dean feels him sucking on his neck, hard, before he hums a, “Mmhmm.”

“Remember, uh, the first time we had phone sex?”

Cas sits up, his lips slick with spit and his cheeks a beautiful shade of pink. “Vividly.”

“Fuck you’re hot,” Dean blabs, which doesn’t help at all with that self-assured look Cas has on his face.

“Phone sex?” Cas prompts him.

“Oh yeah. Remember when you asked me to touch myself after I had my fingers in my mouth? And you asked me what I was thinking about? But I was too chicken to tell you.”

“Am I about to find out what that was?” Cas asks.

“If you wanna know?”

“Believe me, I’m _dying_ to know what it is now that you’ve brought it up again,” Cas says, and his eyes are wide with curiosity.

Dean takes another gulp of his beer to psych himself up and then blurts it out. “I was thinking about a head covered in crazy dark hair between my legs.”

Cas’s smile is predatory when he asks,“You get off thinking about me sucking your cock?” And yeah, there’s no use pretending he isn’t fully hard in his very thin cotton pants right now.

“Well yeah, but that’s not what I was thinking about...”

Dean knows the exact second Cas puts it together, because his lips part and Dean would swear his eyes darken. Cas’s shoulders are lifting and falling heavily with his breathing, which is slowly getting rougher than it was before he made his admission, and the way Cas is slowly dragging his eyes down his body only to obviously land on the tent in his pants is making him feel like he’s about to burst into flames.

“I can do that for you,” Cas finally answers, his voice rough as sandpaper.

“Kay,” Dean says again, cursing himself when he hears how stupid he sounds. He was trying to get Cas worked up but that’s clearly backfired because he knows he’s about two strokes away from blowing his load in his pants.

“Drink your beer, Dean,” Cas says, his voice still rough with desire but sounding more sure now, and Dean lifts his bottle to his mouth immediately. “When I have you for the first time it’s going to be slow and gentle, and I’m going to take you apart bit by bit until you’re begging me for it.” Dean swallows the beer in his mouth as he nods, agreeing with how good that sounds. “And if I touch you right now I’m going to bend you over the couch and fuck you so hard you’re not going to be able to sit down long enough to drive home tomorrow. So we need to drink our beer and not talk about anything else like this right now so I can get a handle on myself.”

“Beer,” Dean says stupidly. “Beer is good.”

“This beer is very good,” Cas agrees, reaching over to grab the remote and turn the TV on again.

“What are we watching?” Dean asks him, slowly starting to get his brain back on track.

“Girl on girl pornography,” Cas deadpans, which stuns him stupid for a second before he cracks up laughing, absolutely losing it at the idea of his very gay boyfriend wanting to watch lesbian porn to calm himself down enough not to fuck his brains out. Cas starts laughing along with him, and then they can’t seem to stop, both laughing so hard they lose their breath with tears leaking down their faces.

It’s Cas who leans over and pecks Dean on the lips, cupping his face in his hand and smiling at him like he’s his whole world. “I love you so much.”

“I love _you_ so much. Don’t ever change, Cas.”

Much to Dean’s dismay, they don’t actually end up watching girl on girl porn. Instead, hilariously, they settle on a _Catfish_ marathon, and a few hours go by watching episodes and talking about how weird it is that they’ve actually met the hosts of the show they’re watching. Despite Cas’s warning about not being able to touch him right now, he actually doesn’t stop touching him at all. Not for a second. He keeps leaning over to suckle on that one spot on his neck (Dean’s already resigned to the hickey he’s going to have there) and his hand is constantly drifting up and down the inside of his leg, which is doing a pretty damn good job of making sure he’s in a constant state of arousal all night.

Finally, it’s almost ten when Cas says, “What do you say we call it a night?”

“Sounds good to me,” Dean agrees.


	8. Chapter 8

They take a few minutes to rinse out their beer bottles and put them away, then Cas locks the door and turns off the lights in the kitchen and living room. Dean follows him into the bedroom with anticipation swirling in his stomach. He’s honestly feeling a bit nervous, too, but he wants to brush it off so he doesn’t make Cas think he doesn’t want to do this. So he does the first stupid thing he can think of and takes a couple of running steps around Cas before he launches himself onto the bed and lands with a bounce.

“I was waiting for you to bounce right off like some terrible sitcom or something,” Cas says, sounding amused.

“That woulda been embarrassing,” Dean says with a smile.

“Speaking of embarrassing… would you like to see my test results now?”

“Yeah, guess we should, huh?” Dean responds, reaching over the side of the bed to rifle through his duffle bag for the envelope inside. He holds it out for Cas with a grin on his face and quips, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”

Cas laughs the way Dean hoped he would, and they exchange envelopes. Dean flicks his eyes down to the chart and sees Cas’s results look exactly the same as his, so folds it back up and puts it back into the envelope for him with a nod. Cas does the same, and when they trade them again, he catches Dean’s eye to say, “Thank you for doing that for me.”

“Pretty sure I’d do just about anything for you in case you haven’t figured that out yet,” he admits. “Especially after you promised to make it up to me so nicely,” he reminds him, laying himself flat on Cas’s bed and wiggling his eyebrows in invitation.

Cas shoots him a quick smile and lays down on the bed on his side facing Dean, keeping himself propped up with one hand on his head. “You know we don’t have to do anything tonight, right?”

“What, you don’t want to anymore?” Dean asks. That sure as hell isn’t the impression he was giving all night on the couch.

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying there’s no rush to have sex tonight if you want to do something else instead. I love you, you love me, and this thing between us isn’t going anywhere. We have all the time in the world.”

“I know that already,” Dean replies, feeling almost all of his nerves fading away entirely. He should’ve known Cas wasn’t going to try to go for a home run tonight. “How about you just put your hands on me and we see what happens, yeah?”

“Only if you give me your word you’ll speak up if you want me to stop. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing. If you feel anything less than one hundred percent enthusiastic about what’s happening you promise me you’ll say something,” Cas insists. “I don’t want to ruin what we have just because we’re so attracted to each other.”

“Promise, but I wouldn’t be worried about that if I was you,” Dean answers. “Can we make out now?”

Cas scooches over a bit until his body is pressed tightly against Dean’s side and lowers his head to brush his lips gently to Dean’s. “You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about having you in my bed,” Cas says quietly. His smile is soft when he continues, “I know we don’t have a great track record so far, but let’s try and take this slow, okay? You matter to me, and I want to show you how much.”

Dean’s already feeling a little breathless just from the way Cas is looking at him like the entire world has narrowed down to the sight of him in his bed. He reaches up to wrap a hand around the back of Cas’s neck and pulls him down until they’re kissing - _really_ kissing - for the first time since they were in the kitchen a few hours ago, and even though Cas just said he wants to take things slowly, he doesn’t hold back from sliding his tongue across the seam of his mouth. Dean opens to him immediately, wanting as much of Cas as he can get, running his hand up his neck to bury itself in the soft strands of Cas’s hair.

Dean lets his other hand drift down Cas’s body: over his shoulder, down his arm, and onto the sharp jut of his hip bone. He moans when he feels it beneath his palm, reveling in how completely different it feels compared to being with a woman. He lets Cas kiss him until he can’t possibly wait any longer to try to move things along.

He applies pressure to Cas’s lower back, and urges him to move on top of him. Cas follows his lead, shuffling over until he’s between his legs, causing both of them to let out deep sounds of pleasure when their hardening cocks slot together. Not surprisingly, things heat up from there. While their bodies rock together, hands push under clothes to find skin, lips search to taste the salty sweat beading on each other’s bodies as fast as it’s revealed, and Dean feels like he’s heating up from in the inside out.

Dean lifts Cas’s shirt up his back higher and higher until Cas gets onto his knees and pulls it up over his head. Dean sits up with him, not wanting that much space between them if it isn’t absolutely necessary, and feels his mouth drawn to the newly exposed skin like a magnet. Cas repositions himself so that he’s straddling Dean’s lap, and Dean can’t keep his hands from dropping down to cup Cas’s ass to move him against his cock exactly the way he wants it.

He lets his lips trail across his muscular pecs, stopping to lave his tongue over his nipples one at a time, loving the way they harden under his tongue and the soft sighs of pleasure he elicits from Cas. He can feel Cas’s mouth leaving wet kisses on his shoulders and his breath hot on his skin as he struggles to keep his breathing steady. Cas’s hands are big and warm on his lower back, reminding him of how small and pliable he is to Cas. Cas grabs the hem of his shirt and drags it up, forcing his mouth away from his body so that he can finish tugging it up and toss it onto the floor.

Then Cas has his hands on his chest with his thumbs teasing his nipples, making Dean’s lips part at the sensation. He takes full advantage of it, dropping his head down to capture Dean’s mouth again and pushing him back down onto the bed. His mouth moves across his face to his neck before he starts a path down - over Dean’s chest, down his torso, and past his belly button. Cas’s hand rubs Dean’s cock through his pants, making his back arch off the bed as he attempts to chase the friction. He feels Cas’s tongue wet on his skin and the sting of his teeth as they nip along the elastic waistband of his lounge pants, inching them down bit by bit until Dean lifts his hips in invitation, silently asking him to take them off completely.

He lets out a relieved sigh when he feels his swollen cock released from the confines of his pants, but the relief only lasts a split second before Cas has his hand wrapped around the base of him and his head between his legs.

Dean props himself up onto his elbows and watches as Cas licks his lips seductively before he drags his cock along those moist, plush, pink lips. Dean actually whimpers when he sees his precum leave a wet trail against them, and he knows Cas can feel his cock twitch in his hand when Dean watches his tongue dart out to taste it.

“Jesus fuck,” Dean breathes. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything so hot in his life.

Cas flashes him a quick smile before he opens his mouth and sucks the head of his cock between his lips. Dean’s eyes slip closed to focus on how fucking perfect the wet heat surrounding him is before he remembers he could be watching and snaps them open again to look at his boyfriend with his cock in his mouth instead. Those pink lips he loves so much are stretched around his girth, taking him in slowly, and then Cas starts slipping back up his shaft so he can swirl his tongue around the head so sinfully that Dean feels like his brain is short circuiting.

Cas pops off completely and says, “Reach into the drawer on your right and grab some lube.” Dean nods and does as Cas asks, pulling out a bottle without even looking at it and handing it out to him. “Is it okay if I open you up?”

“Yeah,” Dean responds, still sure that he wants this.

Cas gives him a soft smile even while his eyes burn with desire. “Let me see you spread your legs nice and wide for me, freckles.”

Dean flushes, but opens his legs wider as Cas unabashedly looks his fill while he pops the top on the bottle of lube and slicks up two of his fingers. There’s no teasing his hole this time. This time, Cas pushes a single finger inside of him slowly but immediately and doesn’t stop until he’s in up to his first knuckle. Dean’s teeth are already clenched together just from that, and his mind starts whirling, wondering how he’s ever going to take Cas’s cock when one finger feels like so much. Then he feels Cas’s mouth leaving hot, open mouthed kisses along his cock and he lets his head hang back between his shoulder blades as he forgets to think and gives into the pleasure instead.

Cas makes a low humming sound, which Dean takes as encouragement or praise for doing something right, he just doesn’t know exactly what. But with Cas’s mouth on him and his finger slowly inching forwards inside of him, he really doesn’t care, either.

Cas starts bobbing his head up and down his shaft at the same time he withdraws his finger a tiny bit and pushes it back in again, beginning to finger him shallowly and carefully. He tries to keep his muscles relaxed for Cas, which isn’t too hard considering he’s getting what is easily the best blow job of his life. Cas is applying just the right amount of suction while still managing to keep him nice and wet, and Dean can hardly concentrate on anything except for how fucking good it feels to have Cas swallowing his cock. His fingers fist in the bed sheets under him, and he picks his head up to look again. Cas’s eyes are closed and Dean gets the impression he’s not only completely lost himself in his task, but really fucking into it, too. He’s on his hands and knees and Dean looks down to see Cas’s cock still bobbing heavily between his legs, and it sends an extra wave of desire through him to know that he’s this turned on even though he’s not even being touched.

“How’m I doing?” Dean hears himself ask suddenly.

Cas sucks hard as he pulls off, wringing a gasp from Dean, and responds with a smirk, “You’re doing so well. Opening up perfectly. How does it feel?” Cas gives his finger a wiggle inside of him which makes Dean jolt.

“No complaints. Your mouth is totally worth the swab. Blowing my damn mind.”

“Then you won’t mind if I keep going? I was more than a little into the rhythm I had going, you know,” Cas teases him.

Dean lets out a small huff of laughter. “My bad. As you were.”

“Can I add another finger?” Cas asks. Dean nods. “Don’t tense up on me, okay?” Cas pulls his one finger out only to slide a second one inside of him, and despite the warning, Dean feels his body go stiff as he experiences a sharp stab of pain. Cas’s fingers pull out quickly but that hurts just as bad as they did going in. He knows he’s not doing a good job of hiding his wince, and he’s starting to worry that Cas isn’t going to want this anymore. “Oh god, Dean, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Dean nods again, trying not to show that it actually hurt more than he thought it would, but his cock is already starting to flag and he can see the worry all over Cas’s face. “Maybe too much too fast,” he seems to realize, sounding extremely distraught. “I’m so sorry. We should stop.”

Dean shakes his head, still not willing to give up on having this with Cas. He just doesn’t want it to hurt. “No. Please. Try again. I can take it.”

“You’re amazing,” Cas says, leaning down to press a lingering kiss to his lips, his hands running up and down his flank in an obvious attempt as soothing him. “Okay. Let’s try something a little different. Turn over for me, okay?” He’s even more nervous now than he was when they started, but he still trusts Cas, so he rolls over onto his stomach and allows it when Cas pushes him up onto his knees. “I’m going to make you feel so good, my love. It won’t hurt again, I promise.”

Dean doesn’t have time to respond before Cas seals his mouth onto his asshole and drags his tongue across it. He realizes belatedly that Cas’s hands are on his ass, spreading his cheeks apart, and it’s so fucking dirty that his boyfriend is actually eating his ass the way he wanted him to that Dean groans, dropping his head onto his arms. Cas’s tongue is wet and hot on his ass, circling his hole, applying pressure to his rim and softening the muscle with each swipe. It feels even better than he imagined it would, and he knows his body has never felt as alive as it does right now with Cas dragging moan after moan out of him. When Cas straightens out his tongue and starts thrusting it in and out of his center, he’s officially forgotten about any pain from earlier, and his voice starts to go hoarse from all of the noises he’s making. He lost all sense of humility somewhere along the way, and he grinds his ass back against Cas’s tongue desperately, searching for more, and gets his wish when Cas slides two fingers inside of him again - completely without pain this time.

Cas kisses his way between his cheeks, up to his tailbone and along his spine as he praises him. “So perfect, Dean. You’re taking my fingers so well now. Does it feel good?”

“Your - your mouth,” Dean stammers, “feels _really_ good.”

“Mmm,” Cas says, still trailing his lips up his back. “What about my fingers? Any pain?”

“No.” Maybe if he tells him how it feels he’ll get more of his tongue in his ass. “Just feels _okay_ compared to your mouth”

“Hmmm. What about if I do… this?”

Cas’s fingers prod inside of him for a few seconds and then it feels like lightning shoots through his body. His ass cants backwards again, and when Cas touches that spot a second time, Dean can’t hold in the way he calls out, “ _Ah!_ What the fuck, that’s good!”

He knows Cas must have managed to find his prostate - something Dean has thought about but never convinced himself to try himself. He feels another kiss to his lower back before Cas’s tongue is back on his ass, licking around his fingers and making Dean feel like his body is on fire all over again. He’s _never_ been this turned on without somebody actually touching his cock, and he’s damn sure it’s only going to take the tiniest bit of friction to get him off.

Whatever Cas is doing with his fingers is making him feel looser and looser as time goes on, and again, Cas manages to relax him with his mouth by licking across the strip of skin between his ass and his balls when he slides his third finger inside. There’s a slight burn, but it’s nothing compared to the second finger, and everything else feels so good it’s easily ignored. Because he knows Cas is about to ask him if he’s okay, he tells him before he even asks, hoping he won’t stop what he’s doing.

“Feels so good, baby,” Dean breathes. “Feels like I’m so full, and I - I love it,” he confesses. “Feels like I’m riding the fucking edge.”

Cas moans against his skin, still fucking him with his fingers, causing Dean to lose all sense of time as he continues thrusting, twisting, and stretching him until finally Cas pulls his fingers out. Dean feels weirdly hollow for a few seconds until Cas gets his hands on Dean’s hips with his chest plastered to his back, kissing his way along his neck. Dean turns his head so their lips can meet in a partially awkward but still searing kiss. Cas is groaning into his mouth, his lips hard enough to bruise, and his tongue tastes surprisingly like… cherry?

Cas wedges his cock between Dean’s ass cheeks, and Dean feels desire spread through him when he hears how Cas is panting when he asks him, “Do you want to keep going? Or do you want me to keep using my fingers and my mouth until you come down my throat?”

Dean’s brain goes a little blank at being offered his choice of orgasm, but no, he knows he wants Cas. He wants Cas inside of him, he wants him to make him come with his cock up his ass and he doesn’t want to wait anymore for it to happen.

“No, I want this. Want you inside of me,” Dean admits, though it comes out a little needier than he was going for.

Cas groans again as his lips brush against the back of his neck. Then his breath is hot on Dean’s ear and his voice sounds _wrecked_ when he asks, “Like this? With your tight little ass up in the air for me?”

Desire clenches almost painfully in his stomach as he pictures what he must look like and he breathes out an almost inaudible, “ _Yes_.”

Cas doesn’t completely manage to stifle a reverent sounding, “ _Fuck_.” He kisses Dean once on the cheek and his voice is much softer when he keeps talking. “You’re so good for me, Dean. So perfect. I love you so much.”

A smile spreads across his face when he answers, “Love you, too. Now get in me.” He even wiggles his ass in invitation and hears Cas huff out a bit of a laugh.

He misses his weight on his back instantly when Cas straightens his back. He hears Cas make a choked off sound of pleasure behind him and turns to see him slicking up his cock in his hand. He holds his breath watching him, but it comes out all in a rush when Cas slides his cock along his ass crack again. It’s wet and slick, and when Cas presses into the back of his ball sack it feels _so good_ Dean has to fist his hands in the sheets again. The pleasure is unbelievable and his entire body is buzzing with anticipation as he waits for him to actually try to fuck him.

“You look so gorgeous on your hands and knees for me, Dean.” His hands press into his back before they drift down his sides to hold him by his hips, his fingers digging into his skin like he never wants to let go. “Your slim hips. Your tight ass waiting for me. I’m always going to remember how you look right now. I’ve never _ever_ wanted anything like this before.” Cas’s cock catches on his rim and they both groan, but Cas pulls away again and keeps rutting against him. “Condom?”

“N-no,” Dean says quickly, but he stumbles on the one word. “Come on!”

He feels Cas’s nails bite into his skin, but still, he doesn’t stop gliding his cock along his ass crack. “You feel so good already, my love,” Cas tells him.

“Get the fuck on with it then,” Dean urges him, rocking his ass back against Cas and feeling him press harder against his skin.

“Fuck,” Cas curses, impossibly tightening his fingers more on his hips. Dean likes that reaction a lot, and it felt damn good too, so he pushes back again and again. “ _Dean_.” His voice comes out in a single, rough breath and Dean cannot understand why Cas isn’t just fucking him already when they both want it so bad.

“Cas, please,” Dean begs, feeling desperation clawing at him now.

“Mmmm,” Cas responds, his voice lower and grittier than he’s ever heard it. He leans down to leave a wet kiss in the center of his spine. “Please _what_ , sweetheart?”

 _Oh_. Now he gets it. “I - I want you to fuck me. Please, Cas. I want you so goddamn bad.”

“ _Ugh._ God that’s… _so_ hot. Exactly what I wanted to hear. Now I’m going to make love to you, nice and slow until you come for me.”

“ _Please_ ,” Dean begs again, then adds, “Love you.”

Cas positions himself so the blunt head of his cock is pressed directly against his asshole. “Just a few seconds of pain until I push all the way in, okay?” Cas warns him, his voice shaky. “I swear it’ll only be for a second, but tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Just do it,” Dean answers, fed up with waiting and just wanting to get on with it already.

But there’s a pause where nothing happens until Cas groans in frustration. Dean turns to face him again, not understanding what’s going on and sees anguish all over Cas’s face.

“I don’t want to hurt you again,” Cas explains, his eyes pleading with Dean to understand.

Dean’s heart softens at how Cas can even begin to think about hurting him right now when he’s got his rock hard cock pressed to his eager ass and Dean’s literally begging him for it. “I know, babe. But you said just for a second right? Then it’s gonna feel good?”

“A second is still too long. I’m - I’m a little nervous. I’ve never been anybody’s first time, and I already hurt you once. I love you so much, and I don’t want you to feel anything other than -”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Dean interrupts him. He pushes away from Cas and rolls over so he’s on his back, pulling Cas down on top of him. He cups his face and kisses him soft and sweet, not stopping until he can feel Cas’s body relax above him. Even then, he keeps kissing him, until Cas starts kissing him back the way he always kisses him - like he wants to eat him alive - and as soon as Cas rocks his hips against him, Dean pulls away to meet his eyes. “I love you. I know you’re gonna take good care of me. There’s nobody who’s going to be as gentle with me as you. I want this with you and _only_ you. Please, baby.”

Cas drops his forehead until it rests on Dean’s. His eyes slipped closed and he looks ashamed when he says, “I should be reassuring you.”

“We’ve got each other, okay?” Dean replies. Then he spreads his legs, plants his feet on the mattress, and reaches down to guide him between his legs until he’s pressed against him nice and snug. “I want you inside of me.”

Cas exhales a heavy breath and starts, “If it’s too much -”

“I will tell you. Now _come on_ , you’re gonna give me a complex if I have to ask you again.”

Cas dips his head down for one more kiss before he holds eye contact and thrusts once, popping the head of his cock through the tight ring of muscle and then stopping to hold his position, murmuring, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” against Dean’s lips.

Dean tries to maintain a stoic expression but Cas was right, it does hurt right now. Dean bites down on his bottom lip, waiting for his body to get used to the intrusion. He tries not to freak out over how Cas feels fucking _huge_ , how he knows it’s only the head inside of him, and how much the rest is going to hurt. Cas nibbles on his bottom lip, pulling it from between Dean’s teeth into his mouth before sucking on it gently, then licking his way into his mouth. As Dean’s body begins to relax, Cas groans against his lips and breaks their kiss.

“Just like that, my love. You feel incredible,” Cas tells him. “So unbelievably tight, Dean. You have no idea how good you feel. Fuck, I’m never wearing a condom again.”

Something about Cas being inside of him, hearing his familiar sense of humor, and seeing the way he’s looking at him again has his chest filling with warmth - with love. Yeah, it hurts a little bit, but he’s as close to Cas as he can possibly be in this moment, giving him a piece of him that nobody else has ever had, and it turns out the pain is nothing compared to how happy that makes him. How it makes him feel almost whole when he didn’t even know something was missing.

“I love you so much,” Dean confesses, overwhelmed with emotions all of the sudden. Cas smiles his favorite smile, with the nose crinkles and his cheeks pink, and Dean can’t help but smile back. “I’m ready.”

Cas drops his forehead back down to Dean’s, and Dean’s captivated by his blue eyes boring into him with so much intensity. Cas takes his hands and kisses the back of each one before he presses them into the mattress on either side of his head, twining their fingers together as he pushes into him bit by bit. It kind of makes Dean feel like he’s about to split open the deeper he goes, but unlike when he first pushed in, it doesn’t hurt so much as it’s just uncomfortable.

With their faces so close together, though, he can see the pleasure all over Cas’s face. He sees the way his jaw’s gone slack and feels his breath coming out in short, hard puffs against his mouth, even as his eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration. Even if it doesn’t feel awesome for him right now, it obviously feels damn good for Cas, and he likes knowing he can make him feel like this. Finally, Cas’s hips make contact with the backs of Dean’s thighs and he knows he’s bottomed out.

Now that neither of them are moving he registers the slight tremor in Cas’s arms and pulls his hands away to rub up and down his biceps. “You gonna make it, babe?” he asks, concerned.

Cas smiles and presses their lips together quickly. “It takes a great deal of control to go as slowly as I am when it feels this good,” he explains, and Dean believes him just based on the way his voice sounds. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Dean answers honestly.

He’s okay. He’s not awesome. It’s not the fireworks exploding kind of pleasure he was hoping to get out of having gay sex for the first time, but he feels connected to Cas in a way he never has with anybody else before and that’s enough.

“Tell me when you feel like I can start moving. In the meantime...” Cas nudges his head to the side with his nose and pulls his earlobe between his teeth, tracing the shell of his ear with his tongue and making Dean’s flesh break out in goosebumps.

He kisses his way across his neck, nipping at the hickey he already sucked into his pulse point in the living room before giving the one on his collarbone the same treatment. Cas rubs his fingers down to his nipple, teasing the quickly hardening bud before pulling on it gently and sending a shockwave of desire throughout his body. It isn’t until Dean feels himself starting to get hard again that he realizes he must have gone soft when Cas first pushed into him. Cas’s lips start a path across his collarbone as he tells him how good he feels and how hot he is between each kiss, and Dean’s hands come up to roam across his strong back and muscular shoulders. With Cas’s mouth and fingers taking advantage of all the things he’s already learned that drive Dean crazy, he feels his body coming back online in a hurry, and it’s only a minute or so later when he’s completely hard and ready to keep going again. He slides his hands all the way down Cas’s back to get them on the globes of Cas’s ass and pulls Cas into him a tiny bit.

“That’s your green light, babe. Move,” Dean tells him. “I’m ready.”

Cas pulls out just a fraction of an inch before he rocks back in, watching Dean’s face for any hint of pain, before he does it again and again. He pulls out a little bit further each time, keeping the same pace and intensity and never once tearing his gaze away from Dean’s face. It isn’t until Dean feels his own breath start to hitch with each thrust that he’s suddenly aware that somewhere along the line this started to actually feel good.

“You’re doing so well, Dean,” Cas praises him.

“Starting to feel good,” Dean admits.

“I’m still aiming for better than good,” Cas teases with his voice rough. Cas runs his hand along his leg and hitches it up until it’s around his waist with his heel catching on Cas’s lower back. When he thrusts back into him, he hits that sweet spot inside and Dean gasps as it feels like sparks shoot through his entire body. “First try, too,” Cas comments, kissing him quickly with his eyes lit up with happiness.

“More,” Dean asks him, already anxious for it.

Cas rocks his hips forward again, hitting it again, and it feels just as awesome as when he wasn’t expecting it.

“Mmmm you’re _so_ tight, Dean, oh my god,” Cas groans. “I love you,” he sighs.

“Love you,” Dean answers distractedly, hands already pulling Cas in by his ass again over and over. He throws his head back when Cas thrusts _hard_ for the first time and nails that spot inside of him so perfectly that he starts to see stars behind his eyelids.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dean gasps, his hands sliding up Cas’s back to try and gain purchase on his dewy skin. He lifts his hips, desperate for more contact, and when he meets Cas’s next thrust half way, their bodies come together with a slap of skin on skin and loud exclamations of pleasure from them both.

Dean matches Cas’s rhythm thrust for thrust after that, alternating between pulling at his back and burying his hands in his hair to tug him down for kiss after kiss as Cas keeps pistoning his hips into him expertly.

Cas lowers himself to his elbows, letting his weight fall on top of Dean, and he notices immediately after Cas’s next thrust that the friction of his neglected cock trapped under Cas’s muscular body is all he’s gonna need.

He can’t seem to form words other than, “Oh god, oh god, oh god, Cas,” as Cas keeps thrusting into him and rubbing against his cock.

“ _Dean_.”

He whimpers when he hears how dirty Cas makes his name sound. He can feel his cock sliding in a mixture of his own precum and both of their sweat, and combined with Cas nailing that one spot inside of him, he knows he’s not going to last like this. He had no idea sex could feel this good. Cas’s lips on his, the sweet slide of his cock, and Cas filling him up, hitting his prostate… it’s all hot as fuck.

“Ugh, _Cas_ , shhiiitt.”

“Tell me you’re getting close,” Cas pants above him.

“‘m close,” Dean promises.

“Deeannn,” he answers. “Do you want - want me to pull out?”

Dean thinks about Cas coming inside of him, about his cum leaking out of his ass, and he feels his cock pulse between them just at the thought. “Fuck no,” he answers vehemently. “Come inside of me. Want it s-so bad.”

Cas pounds into him harder than ever - and Dean fucking _loves it_. He slams his hips up into Cas with as much enthusiasm as he dares, learning the harder he fucks him, the better it feels. When he notices himself being pushed back on the sheets with each powerful thrust he’s reminded of just how strong Cas is, and it only makes him feel hotter and sexier to think that Cas has lost himself in pleasure and all but forgotten to take it easy on him for his first time.

“ _Unngggh_. No, I can’t. _Dean_. I can’t hold off,” Cas whines, his voice sounding tight. He props himself up on one hand and snakes his other between them to take Dean’s cock in his hand.

“Son of a bitch,” Dean wheezes. Cas’s hand feels warm and huge on his cock, and it’s only after a few expert strokes that he can feel his orgasm coiling in his stomach. “Ah, god Cas, so fucking good, baby.”

“I need you to come for me, Dean,” Cas pants, eyes closed tight like he’s barely hanging on. “You need to come so I can - oh, _fuck_ -” Dean can feel Cas’s body tense, and it might only be in his head, but he’d swear he can feel his cock throbbing inside of him  “ - come deep in your ass.”

“Don’t stop,” Dean begs him, knowing he’s only seconds away. “Don’t stop fucking me. I’m so close, baby. Need you to hit that spot again for me. _Please_ ,” Dean whines.

Cas’s hand speeds up, his fist tightens around his cock, and it’s only moments later when Dean’s body tenses. His toes curl on the mattress, his fingers tighten in Cas’s hair, and a shout is torn from his throat when Cas nails his sweet spot and he comes like a rocket all over his chest. Dean feels his orgasm rip through him, stealing his breath, his body jerking hard as he spurts all over himself and Cas’s hand.

“Oh fuck!” Cas curses, his hips beginning to stutter, and Dean knows he’s coming when he buries himself deep inside of him with one final thrust. He moans Dean’s name and goes stiff as a board before exhaling on a long, shaky moan and collapsing on top of Dean like a pile of bricks.

Cas rocks his hips forward lazily a few times, obviously working himself through the aftershocks, and unintentionally helps Dean through his own orgasm due to his over sensitive cock being trapped between their bodies once again.

Cas makes a pleased sound as he starts pressing dozens of kisses into Dean’s skin where his face landed when he fell, and while the gesture is sweet, he’s really struggling remembering how to breathe and Cas’s significant weight on top of him isn’t helping.

“Cas? You’re kinda squishing me here,” Dean manages.

“Oh!” Cas exclaims. He pulls out of Dean - _ow_ \- with a disgusting squelching sound, but before Dean can react, Cas has rolled over and tugged Dean with him until he’s pillowed on his chest. He feels Cas’s lips on his hair and now that he can breathe, he sighs happily. He’s completely sated and his body feels well-used in the best possible way.

“Are you okay?” Cas asks him quietly, tipping his chin up so that he can see his face.

“Yeah. A little sore when you pulled out, but okay right now.”

There’s a crease between Cas’s eyebrows he doesn’t like when he says, “I’m sorry, Dean. I meant to be more gentle. I meant to be soft and sweet, and show you how much I love you, and I didn’t do that. I’m so sorry. That’s not how I wanted it to be between us.”

Dean feels disappointment settle in his stomach like lead and drops his gaze immediately. “Well, I mean, I guess I thought it ended up pretty awesome ‘til now, but if it wasn’t good for you -”

“Hey,” Cas says, still soft but stern. He waits for Dean’s eyes to meet his again before he keeps talking. “It was... amazing. There aren’t even words. Your body underneath me like that was everything I’ve been trying not to fantasize about for the last year, and the only fault that I couldn’t better control myself to be gentle lies with me. Not with you. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

“So... it _was_ good for you?” Dean asks, his embarrassment seeping through in the heat he feels across his cheeks.

“Good!? I can’t even believe you’re asking me that! You were there! I literally couldn’t stop myself because it felt _so good_. Being with you, experiencing that with you for the first time, was _easily_ the best thing I’ve ever felt,” Cas tells him. His tone of voice and earnest expression leave no doubt that he’s being entirely honest, and Dean feels himself preen at the compliment. “Which explains why I lost my head and fucked you so hard, but it doesn’t _excuse it_ , and that’s what I was trying to apologize for.”

“Hey man, not your fault my ass is so hot, right?” Dean asks, more than a little proud of himself.

Cas tilts his head in confusion. “You’re not mad?”

“Mad? About what?”

“That I didn’t make your first time more meaningful. That I was rough with you instead of being gentle. That I hurt you -”

“Woah, woah, woah. You didn’t mean to hurt me, and I meant it when I said it before that if _you_ hurt me _anybody_ would’ve hurt me. It wasn’t your fault, okay? And as for bein’ mad ‘cause you weren’t gentle or whatever? You were. Don’t think there’s a square inch anywhere from my dick up you didn’t kiss a dozen times. Plus, it’s kinda nice to hear that you think I’m so hot you couldn’t keep yourself in line, you know?” he admits. “And listen, the whole time - even when you were slamming into me like a porn star - I felt... you know, loved or whatever.”

“You are,” Cas replies. “I’m pleased you felt that even if I wasn’t able to conduct myself in the way I had hoped. Thank you for being understanding.”

Dean snuggles back in with a happy sigh.

“I admit I’m surprised you’re so talkative. I thought for sure you’d be passed out by now.”

“Kinda hard to fall asleep when you haven’t stopped talking for ten seconds,” Dean reminds him playfully. “And I’m not really digging the cum all over me starting to dry, either.”

“I’ll go get you a washcloth,” Cas tells him. “I’ll be right back.”

Dean rolls over onto his back to let Cas out from under him, and folds his arms under his head to wait for him to come back. It’s only a few minutes before Cas is wiping down his body, including between his legs, and placing chaste kisses on each inch of freshly washed skin. Dean takes the washcloth with him back to the bathroom, and Cas joins him a few minutes later where the two of them brush their teeth naked side by side, neither of them unable to wipe the smiles off of their faces each time their eyes meet in the mirror.

Cas hits the light when they go back into his bedroom, but Dean waits by the side of the bed, causing Cas to raise his eyebrows at him in question. “Do you need something?” Cas asks him.

“No, just don’t know which side of the bed’s mine,” Dean says.

Cas smiles at him as he pulls down the blankets (completely discarding the comforter they soiled) and climbs in the side closest to the door. Dean gets into bed beside him, lying exactly the way they were before, with Cas on his back and Dean’s head resting on the little nook of his shoulder and his arm. He slots one leg between Cas’s and winds his arm around his waist, nuzzling into his skin happily.

“This,” Cas says contentedly, stroking his hand up and down Dean’s back. “This is exactly what I’ve been missing every night with you so far away.”

“Feels pretty nice,” Dean agrees, his voice quieter now that they’re in the dark.

“Not feeling claustrophobic sharing a bed with me?” Cas checks.

“Nah. Feels strangely normal to be like this with you considering we’ve never actually slept together before.”

“I feel the same way. Kind of like this is where you’re always supposed to be,” Cas answers.

“Definitely where I always wanna be,” Dean confirms. His eyelids are already heavy, and he lets them fall closed, taking the opportunity to just soak up how good it feels to be with Cas in his bed.

“Thank you for coming today. It was the best day I’ve had in a long, long time.”

“‘m happy to be here,” Dean replies, his words already starting to slur with sleepiness.

“Sleep well, my love,” Cas says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Love you, babe.”

“I love you, too, freckles. Goodnight.”

 

* * *

 

It’s still dark when Dean wakes up after being jostled. He’s irritated at being woken up even before he opens his eyes and remembers he’s at Cas’s. They’re facing each other, their limbs all tangled together, and Cas is propped up on his elbow gazing lovingly down at Dean. He’s no less irritated when he realizes where he is, and even the warmth of Cas’s body doesn’t stop him from scowling at him.

“You looked so peaceful in your sleep,” Cas says quietly.

Dean grunts and rolls over away from Cas to try to go back to sleep.

“Nooo, don’t roll away,” Cas complains, moving over to press himself against Dean’s back, splaying his hand on his stomach and pressing kisses along his shoulders. He sounds unbearably sad when he whispers, “I don’t want to fall back asleep.”

Dean turns his head enough to look at him, and his heart aches when he sees his eyes are shining with unshed tears. “‘s the matter?” he manages to rasp.

Cas closes his eyes and shakes his head before he presses his face between Dean’s shoulder blades. Dean can feel the way he’s trying to even out his breathing, and he covers his hand on his stomach with his own hand, hoping that helps with whatever the fuck is going on at whatever the hell time it is in the middle of the night. Cas still doesn’t relax though, so even though he’s grouchy as fuck and the last thing he wants to do right now is _anything_ but sleep, he rolls back over and pulls Cas into his arms, cradling his head on his chest. He brushes his fingers through Cas’s crazy hair and feels him begin to relax a little.

Finally, Cas confesses, “I don’t want to fall back asleep because I want to keep feeling like this. I... don’t want to miss any time together. I just want to stay with you in this moment forever, and I don’t want to fall asleep because I know when I wake up again you’re going to have to leave.”

“Babe,” Dean says, sadly. He doesn’t know what else to say though, because Cas is right. When they wake up again it’ll be the day he has to go back home, and he doesn’t want to do that anymore than Cas wants him to.

“You’re - you’re my best friend,” Cas whispers. “I know I act like us being apart doesn’t bother me, but it’s not true. I miss you terribly when we’re not together.”

“I miss you, too. But we still got almost a whole day together.” Cas nods, but he doesn’t say anything. “Plus, it’s only gonna be a week this time if you can come see me, right? Will only be half as bad as last time.”

Cas nods again, and this time he hears him sniffle, and Dean realizes this is the closest thing to heartbreak he’s ever felt. “I love you,” Dean tells him, the only thing he can think of that might make Cas feel better. “I love you so much, and I’ll stay awake and hold you like this all night long if you want me to.”

Cas shakes his head this time. “Just - just don’t let go, okay?”

Dean kisses the top of his head, inhaling the scent of Cas’s shampoo that’s somehow so much more potent in the dark, and he promises himself he won’t forget what he smells like - that he’ll remember this when he misses Cas next week so that maybe the memory will comfort him when he’s alone.

“Never letting you go, Cas,” Dean promises, his heart starting to thud in his chest when he hears what just came out of his mouth.

Cas squeezes him and pulls the blankets up to around his chin, burrowing in as close to Dean as he can possibly get. Cas doesn’t say anything else, and neither does he. He keeps cording his fingers through his hair gently for what feels like hours, until he can hear the steady sound of Cas’s breaths coming out in a quiet snore, and he finally closes his own eyes, thinking about all the things he didn’t know about love.

How he can hear it in the silence, see it with the lights out, and feel it radiating from his boyfriend even when he’s asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

The next time Dean wakes up, he wakes slowly. He doesn’t feel as miserable as he usually does before his morning coffee, and at first, he has no idea why. But it only takes a few seconds of semi-consciousness to realize his cock is surrounded by the exquisite sensation of warm, wet suction, and he remembers where he is and what must be happening pretty damn fast.

He doesn’t even open his eyes right away, just lazily fucks forwards into Cas’s mouth and throws his head back in ecstasy, completely giving himself over to the pleasure coursing through him. Cas hums around his cock, sending vibrations up his length, and it’s then when he notices just how close to the edge he already is.

“Cas,” Dean gasps, still rocking forwards into his mouth. “Fucking love you.” He opens his eyes to see Cas still naked from the night before with his plush lips wrapped around him, already shiny with spit, and his face flushed with color. His eyes are dark with arousal but still dancing with amusement, and Dean gets up on his elbows to see Cas fully hard as he sinks down on his cock. The sunlight is slanting through the blinds, highlighting his body with stripes of bright white, mesmerizing Dean as it ripples over the flex and release of his muscles as he bobs his head up and down Dean’s length.

He barely notices when Cas pops the top of the lube and slicks up his fingers, but he definitely feels it when two thick digits push into him. Unlike last night, there’s almost no resistance, and Dean feels a bolt of desire shoot through his body as Cas thrusts his fingers deep inside. He slides them in and out a few times, letting Dean match the rhythm of his hips to the slide of his fingers, and when they press into that one spot Dean can’t help calling out.

“Cas - goddamn your mouth - I’m not gonna -” Dean pants between breaths.

Cas chooses that exact moment to add a third finger, completely stealing his breath and the rest of his warning. He realizes fleetingly that the stretch is almost nothing compared to the way Cas’s mouth is sucking his brains out through his dick so damn well. Cas moans around him again, obviously pleased with the way Dean’s opening up for him, and it’s only another single tap to his prostate before Dean can feel his orgasm cresting.

“Cas - I’m gonna come - _oh god_ \- I’m… I’m…”

He thrusts hard into Cas’s mouth, hitting his soft palate and feeling Cas’s tongue smother his cock from underneath, and then he locks up and can’t seem to inhale enough air. He can feel his cum erupting from his cock and watches Cas’s face as his eyes go wide when it spills into his mouth. Dean can’t look away from Cas’s throat working to drink it all down, dragging a long moan from Dean both at the sight and at the feeling of Cas swallowing around him.

Dean falls flat on to his back, making another desperate sound of pleasure as Cas sucks him dry, before Cas pulls off and licks up whatever mess he missed from his softening cock. He makes the sexiest little, “Mmm,” sound Dean’s ever heard in his life and he feels it burrow deep into his spank bank as it reverberates through him.

“Turn over for me, my love,” Cas asks him, and though it takes a gigantic effort on his part to get control over his body again, he does. “I want to come inside of you again.”

“Yeah,” Dean agrees. The next thing he feels is Cas spreading his legs and hoisting him up to his knees even as his face stays pressed into the mattress, and Cas’s slick cock pressing hard against his hole. He pushes once and then slides into him easily, only causing a split second of pain this time, and they both groan in unison as he sinks inside of him inch by inch.

“Ugh, _Dean_ , still so unbelievably tight. So perfect. God you feel good,” Cas babbles.

Dean can feel his hands on his hips again, almost bruising he’s holding on so tight (apparently that’s a Cas thing), before Cas circles his hips, moving around inside of Dean in a way he hasn’t felt so far.

“Okay?” Cas asks, and Dean smiles at how he sounds like he’s about to lose it but still thought to ask him.

“Still feels damn good,” Dean tells him honestly. “Wanna feel you come in me again, baby.”

“It’s not going to take long,” Cas says, humor audible in his voice. His hands roam his body as he starts to rock his hips forwards, making Dean’s sated body move with him with every thrust. “You have no idea how good you look right now. All this smooth, tight skin of yours for me to mark up and make you mine. These fucking hips I love so much, and the most gorgeous ass I’ve ever fucking seen. All mine.”

“All yours, Cas. Only yours.”

“Oh god,” Cas groans, fucking into him harder and faster now with a series of quiet grunts. “Still good?”

“‘M good. Fuck me the way you like it. Wanna make you feel good,” Dean tells him. Cas seems to take him at his word, pulling almost all the way out of him so Dean can feel his cockhead tugging at his rim again until he slams back in, his hips slapping against his ass.

This time it’s Dean who grunts, feeling him hit his still sensitive prostate and groaning at the valiant twitch his cock makes towards coming back to life again.

“Fuck that still feels good,” Dean admits.

“Rock back,” Cas asks him, guiding him by his hips to meet his next thrust. “ _Yes_ , just like that. Holy shit. I’m so close. You feel so good. _Oh_ , Dean. I’m coming! I’m - Dean, Dean, _Dean!_ Uggghhhh,” Cas moans, and then his body stills as his fingers dig into Dean’s hips. Dean clenches around him the best he can, and when he hears Cas choke out a, “ _Fuck_ ,” he smiles to himself.

He waits until he feels Cas’s muscles start to relax behind him before he slides his knees out from under him, causing Cas to topple down on top of him. He turns to the side, and Cas leans against him, making Dean the little spoon.

He hears the already familiar sound of Cas dragging in greedy breaths of air as he starts kissing the curve of his neck, making Dean smile.

Dean reaches behind him to grab his arm and wrap it around his stomach before he twines their fingers together. “Good morning to you, too,” he says, grinning.

He hears Cas chuckle behind him. “Wanted to make sure you woke up with a smile on your face. Figured I could do better than a good morning text for once.”

“You weren’t wrong. I’d like mornings a hell of a lot better if that was my daily wake up call.”

“Maybe we can arrange that some day in the future,” Cas offers.

Dean’s heart skips in his chest. They’ve never talked about living together, and that’s kind of what that sounded like. “Sounds good to me.”

“I’ll let you go clean up while I check on the bacon.”

“ _Bacon?”_ Dean repeats. He takes a deep breath of the air and realizes for the first time he can smell bacon under the scent of sex.

“Told you I love you,” Cas teases, and Dean turns towards him to reach for a kiss. Their mouths meet in a soft slide of lips on lips, and Dean hums at the sensation of Cas’s stubble rough on his skin. Then Cas pulls away, gives his ass a little slap and says, “It’ll be ready when you are.”

He loses a minute or so when he gets distracted by the sight of Cas pulling on his sweat pants from last night. He’s still nowhere close to being used to how good his boyfriend looks with no shirt on. Cas sees him stare and smiles at him knowingly.

Dean clears his throat and asks, “Should I shower?”

“I thought we could shower after we eat.”

Dean likes the sounds of that. “Deal.”

“Now go before our breakfast burns,” Cas chides him, walking out of the room.

The bed he’s lying in doesn’t seem nearly as enticing without Cas in it, so he rolls out of bed, wincing slightly at the dull pain in his ass, and goes to wash up in the bathroom. He follows Cas’s lead and throws on the same lounge pants he wore last night, then pads into the kitchen bare chested towards the tantalizing smell of bacon and coffee.

Cas is just filling a mug of coffee and when he turns to greet Dean with a smile, Dean can feel his heart tumble in his chest. Cas’s bedhead is fucking amazing, sticking up absolutely everywhere, and he’s never felt so endeared to anybody for looking like a rumpled mess as he does right now.

“I’m ashamed to admit I don’t know the way you take your coffee,” Cas says.

“Well considering the way you look right now, I’m inclined to forgive you,” Dean tells him. He approaches him quickly, sliding his hands up his chest and around his shoulders to pull him in for their first real kiss of the day.

Cas tastes like toothpaste and a hint of bacon - fucker snacked without him, apparently - and Dean quickly feels that familiar sinking feeling as Cas makes him more and more pliant with each slide of their tongues.

He’s thinking about how he could kiss Cas all damn day and never get enough of it when Cas pulls away abruptly with a loud smacking sound, and it’s only then that Dean smells the unmistakable scent of burned toast.

“Shit,” Cas curses, quickly making his way over to two very black pieces of toast. “Those were my last two pieces of bread.” He pulls them out, and drops them on the two plates sitting on the counter before turning back to look at Dean with a pout on his face and two splotches of red on his cheeks.

“Oh. My. God,” Dean says slowly. “That is the cutest little pout I’ve ever seen,” Dean coos at him, totally amused by how embarrassed Cas looks.

Cas rolls his eyes at him but Dean can see the quirk of his lips before he turns back around. He puts on a rubber oven mitt, pulls a pan of bacon and a plate absolutely heaving with scrambled eggs out of the oven, and places them on top of the stove. Dean still has a small smile on his face when he walks over to the fridge to look for cream or milk. He feels a pang of worry once he sees how bare his fridge is. There’s some apples, a carton of eggs, milk, margarine, ketchup, Cas’s shitty beer and the beer he brought… and that’s it. He tries to shake it off, takes the milk out, and adds a splash to his coffee. “Sugar?”

“Yes, dear?” Cas quips, and now it’s Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. “In the cupboard above the sink.”

“You’re lucky you already blew me, or else a terrible joke like that before coffee probably would’ve been enough to make me punch you.”

Cas lets out a quiet huff of laughter. “Duly noted,” he responds. “Do you think eggs and bacon will be enough for breakfast without toast?”

“I usually eat Pop Tarts or cereal for breakfast, bacon and eggs is awesome.”

“I just don’t want you be hungry,” Cas explains.

“If I’m still hungry we’ll just have an early lunch. But seriously, Cas, this is great. Thanks for cooking for me.”

“Help yourself,” Cas says, gesturing to the plates he took down for the toast.

Dean gets himself a little less than half of the bacon, (Cas probably needs it more than he does if he doesn’t even have any damn food in the house) a big scoop of eggs, and then he grabs his mug of coffee and walks over to the little table in the corner.

Cas follows behind him a few seconds later, and Dean passes him as he walks back to the fridge for the margarine. Cas frowns at him before he seems to get it. “Dean, you really don’t have to eat that toast. I burned it.”

Dean shrugs, slathering some margarine onto the admittedly very, very black piece of toast. “Put enough margarine on it and pile some eggs on top and all I’ll taste is the crunch,” Dean insists. There’s no way he’s gonna let Cas feel bad about burning any of the meal he cooked for him. He cuts the piece in two, and scoops some eggs on top. “Besides, I’ve eaten stuff a hell of a lot worse than burnt toast.” He takes a bite, and figures he should win an award for being the world’s best boyfriend because it’s fucking _terrible_ , but he smiles with his mouth stuffed full anyway and gestures to Cas to dig in.

Cas stays mostly silent, which kind of throws Dean off at first until he realizes he’s probably just letting him drink his coffee in peace, and his theory is proved once Cas starts up a conversation about their plans for the day after he gets up to refill his mug. Lingering over their second cups of coffee, Dean convinces Cas to let him take him for groceries after their shower, telling him he wants to see what he gets up to when he’s not around, and then they make plans to go back to that burger place from his last visit for lunch. It goes without saying that they both want to spend the last few hours before he leaves together at Cas’s place so they can be close to each other.

He wonders if Cas is thinking about the things he said last night and about how upset he seemed the same way Dean’s been thinking about it through breakfast, but he doesn’t really want to bring it up and burst the happy little bubble they seem to be in right now. So he doesn’t.

Their shower is short and sweet. Even though they’re both naked, neither of them try to do anything more than kiss and wash each other’s bodies, and considering all the orgasms Dean’s had in the last twenty four hours, he’s more than okay with that. Even just standing under the water with Cas leaning back against his chest is more than enough, and he agrees wholeheartedly with Cas when he says how easily he could get to used to this. Dean hopes it happens often enough that he can, but doesn’t mention that part.

They get distracted with more kisses while they try to get dressed, mostly because they’re both totally lame and decide to wear each other’s shirts (which apparently is high on Cas’s list of kinks if the way he looks at him is anything to go by). Once they finally will their boners away, they head to the grocery store in Dean’s car once Cas grabs his wallet and a small envelope that he stuffs into his back pocket with pink cheeks.

Cas obviously has a very rigid routine when it comes to groceries, which Dean is more than happy to fuck up for him as soon as he can. He sees Cas look over at strawberries, check the price, then frown and move on. Dean grabs them and puts them in the cart, which Cas shakes his head at. “Five dollars for strawberries is ridiculous,” he says, bending over to take them back outta the cart.

“Excuse me, I happen to _like_ strawberries,” he lies. “You gonna tell me I can’t have them?”

“You’re going to pay for them?”

“No, I’m gonna make _you_ pay for them. Course I got them, babe,” Dean reassures him.

And so it goes. Every time he sees Cas even glance at something without taking it, he acts like he wants it and throws it into the cart. He does the same thing with a bunch of snacks, some little bite sized apple strudel thingies, a case of Pepsi, and makes sure to grab coffee cream that’s going to stay good for a while. Cas gets more and more exasperated as he goes, asking him how he’s going to get everything home without spoiling, and Dean just keeps shrugging like it doesn’t matter.

When they get to the check out, Cas’s face is curiously pink again, and Dean finally gets it when he sees him open the envelope and pull out a stack of coupons to pair them up with the things in his cart. Cas glances at him shyly over his shoulder, and Dean leans in to tip his chin up and kiss him gently right in the middle of the grocery store.

Not wanting him to feel bad about trying to save himself some money, he says, “You know there’s an app for that?”

“For what?” Cas asks.

“Couponing.” He pulls his phone out, unlocks it and swipes to it to show him. “Me and Sammy use it to stock up when something good goes on sale. Way easier than the paper ones. I can show you how to use it when we get back to your place if you want.”

Cas looks at ease for the first time since they left the apartment, and says, “That would be great. Thank you.”

Cas passes the cashier the coupons with a shy smile before he starts separating their stuff on the belt, and Dean makes sure to get in front of him in line so that when the cashier starts ringing stuff up he mouths, “On me,” to her before he places his finger to his lips in a silent _shh_ gesture. She looks dubious, so he adds a wink, and when her cheeks go a little pink she nods.

Works every time.

“That’s it for my stuff,” Cas tells her when she reaches for the little thingy that separates their food.

She glances at Dean, and he nods for her to keep going, so she just smiles at Cas and scans Dean’s case of pop.

“Excuse me - ” Cas starts, but Dean stops him by reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him towards him.

“I got it this time,” Dean tells him.

Cas’s eyes go a little wide before he presses his lips into a tight line and starts shaking his head vehemently. “No, absolutely not.”

“Keep going,” Dean says to the cashier. “Cas, come on, babe. Let me do this for you.”

“No! You already spent the money to get here, and spent so much time fixing my car, I don’t want you to feel like you have to buy my groceries!”

“Hey, hang on a second. I don’t feel like I have to, I _want_ to. You let me stay at your place, cooked me breakfast, bought the frozen pizza for lunch yesterday -”  
“And I know you’re going to insist on buying lunch today!” Cas interrupts.

“Excuse me, sirs? Your total is $74.37,” the cashier tells them.

“Credit, please,” Dean says firmly, ignoring the huff he hears beside him from Cas, and the way he gets a shoulder to his back as Cas walks past him to gather up the bags, grumbling under his breath all the while.

The cashier arches her brows at him and looks at Cas. He smiles tightly, getting that he just pissed Cas off for the first time without the expression on her face, and thanks her before he grabs the strudels and the case of soda to carry to the car. Cas doesn’t say a word while they load the groceries, and crosses his arms over his chest after he gets in and buckles himself into the front seat. He actually looks pretty scary, but Dean refuses to feel badly for doing something nice for him, so he just turns the music up and drives back to Cas’s where they carry everything inside. Dean unbags it and Cas puts it away, leaving the things that he thinks are Dean’s on the counter.

Since Cas is already pissed at him anyway he says, “I bought all this stuff for you, Cas.”

Cas freezes in his tracks before he turns to face him slowly, his face hard as stone in a way Dean’s never seen it before. He looks _pissed_ and Dean thinks again how he looks scary as hell. “No. I’m not taking this from you after you paid for it.”

“Well then you might as well throw it in the garbage because I don’t even like half of it,” Dean says with a grin, acting much more sure of himself than he actually feels.

Cas narrows his eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

Dean lifts his eyebrows, but Cas just keeps staring him down. He pulls out his phone, puts it on speaker and dials Sam. “What are you doing?” Cas hisses at him.

“Dean?” Sam answers.

“Hey Sammy, do I like strawberries?”

“Did you have a stroke or something? No, you don’t like strawberries. It’s _fruit_ , Dean,” he says slowly like Dean’s lost his mind.

“Right. So probably not pineapple or bananas either, right?”

“Obviously,” Sam answers.

“Okay, how about…” his eyes scan the counter, “Apple Cinnamon Cheerios?”

“Unless you douse them in a pound of sugar, then probably not,” Sam responds with a snort.

“Oatmeal?”

“Maybe if you were starving?” Sam offers.

“Trail mix? Nutri Grain bars? Rice cakes?”

“Dean, what are you doing? You wouldn’t eat any of that stuff unless you were starving and stranded on a desert island or something,” Sam says in confusion.

“Hello, Sam, it’s Cas,” Cas interjects suddenly, his voice still hard.

“Hey Cas. You sound pissed,” Sam comments, sounding amused.

“Is it within your brother’s character to be a stubborn, pig-headed, overbearing jerk?”

Sam chokes on a bit of a laugh and responds, “Yeah, that sounds like him.”

“You’re the jerk, jerk,” Dean says to Sam.

“Dean what did you do?” Sam asks tiredly.

“Nothing!”

“He lied to me! He told me he was buying all of this stuff for himself at the grocery store when he actually bought it for me!” Cas tells him.

Sam sighs on the other end of the phone and Dean can practically see him pushing his hair out of his face. “Listen. Dean _is_ stubborn, pig-headed, and an overbearing jerk, but he’s really only like that when he’s trying to do what he thinks is the right thing. Dean, don’t hang up on me for saying this, but Cas… I’ve never seen him with anybody the way he is with you, and if he lied to you to buy your groceries, it’s because he wanted to do something nice for you because he cares about you so much.” Cas’s eyes meet Dean’s for the first time since they left the grocery store, and Dean can tell he’s starting to soften. “Still doesn’t make the lying thing alright, but if I had to guess, he probably only did it because he knew you’d say no if he asked. Am I right?”

“I would have said no because it wasn’t necessary,” Cas confirms.

“Well, sure, but that’s what makes Dean special, you know? He does nice things like this because he wants to do them for people he cares about, not because they’re necessary.”

Dean shoots Cas a half smile, torn between not wanting to piss him off again and proud at how well his little brother knows him.

“I appreciate your assistance, Sam. If your brother and I don’t kill each other today, it sounds like I’ll be making it down to see you next weekend,” Cas says, making Dean’s face split on a huge smile.

“Sounds good, man. And take it easy on my brother. I know he’s an idiot sometimes, but the guy’s a big softie when it comes to you and I don’t want to have to listen to him whining all week if you guys don’t make up.”

“Oh shut up,” Dean scoffs, which makes Sam hoot with laughter on the other end of the phone. “See you when I get home, loser.”

“Bye Dean! Bye Cas!”

Dean ends the call and tucks his phone back in his pocket. “Still pissed at me?”

“That depends,” Cas responds.

“On what?”

“On why you bought these groceries for me.”

“I love you isn’t a good enough reason?” Dean asks.

“It would be a good enough reason if I thought that’s why you really did it.”

“Okay, fine. It’s a mix of I love you and that I want to take care of you _because_ I love you,” Dean admits.

Cas leans back against the counter. “I’m older than you. I’m supposed to be the one taking care of you.”

Dean makes a face of total confusion. “What the hell does how old you are have anything to do with this?”

Cas sighs heavily. “Okay, fine. It’s a mix between me being older than you... and that I want to be the one taking care of you and don’t currently have the means to do so,” Cas confesses, his voice getting quiet at the end. “I even managed to fuck up your breakfast.”

“Caaaasss,” Dean whines, walking over to him and tentatively lifting a hand to his face. Cas doesn’t push him away, so he cups his face with both hands and waits for him to lift his eyes up to his. “I’ve been taking care of myself, and Sam and my dad, for as long as I can remember. Taking care of people is who I am. What I do, you know?”

Cas’s hands land on Dean’s hips. “I know you have, and that’s why I want to do the same for you. I want to take away some of your burdens, Dean, not add to them. Help you to see that you’re worth something even if you aren’t always doing something for somebody else - if you’re not doing anything for me.”

Dean swallows and responds, “There ain’t a damn thing about you that’s a burden, Cas. Not a damn thing. I just want _you_ to see that you’re worth somebody doing something nice for you for once.”

Cas’s lips quirk and Dean feels his lips respond in kind. “We’re not going to agree on this,” Cas says.

“I’m thinkin’ probably not. You gonna freeze me out all day now?” Dean asks him.

“Are you going to keep lying to me just so you can try to take care of me?” Cas responds.

“No.” He waits a beat, and then adds, “But honestly, it’s just because I know you’re not gonna be naive enough to let me get away with something like this again.”

Cas shakes his head but slumps against him, pulling him into his arms. Dean goes willingly, and smiles when he feels Cas rubbing his hands up and down his back. Seems like he’s out of the dog house for now. “I love you,” Dean says as a peace offering.

“And I love you, you infuriatingly kind man.”

Dean chuckles and pulls away to check his expression. He doesn’t look as mad as he did earlier, but he doesn’t look completely back to normal either. “Hey. With a face like this and an ass so hot, I gotta have at least one flaw, right?”

When Cas leans in to kiss him, they’re both smiling, and he figures they’re gonna be okay.

“So tell me,” Cas says once he pulls back again, lacing their fingers together. “What out of this _did_ you buy for yourself?”

Dean looks at the stuff all over the counter and says, “Fruit Roll Ups, Pop Tarts, the apple thingies, Pepsi, coffee creamer, and the beef jerky. But I’m leaving it all here for when I come back.”

“And what if I eat it all when you’re gone just to spite you?” Cas teases him.

“Then I guess I’ll have to buy more next time.”

Cas shakes his head. “Thank you for the groceries, Dean.”

“Thank you for not kicking my ass for it,” Dean responds, which makes Cas burst out laughing. “Seriously! You look scary as fuck when you’re mad.”

“And you look like a spoiled brat when you get that stubborn look on your face,” Cas says.

Dean shrugs. “Better get used to it since apparently it’s a thing I do for people I love.”

“I love you, too,” Cas says, smiling, and Dean figures he’s officially off the hook. He leans in for one more quick kiss before he goes for the container of the little apple things, which earns him an amused laugh from Cas.

“What? They’re like mini pies. How’m I supposed to resist that?”

 

* * *

 

It’s just after noon when Dean pulls the Impala into the parking lot of the diner. It’s busier than it was the last time they were here, and he has to maneuver the car into a spot a little too close to the car beside it than he’s entirely comfortable with, but he doesn’t really have a choice. He knows he has a bit of a pout going on because he’s worried that somebody’s gonna ding her with a car door or something, but it works out okay when Cas pulls him in to kiss the pout right off his face in the parking lot.

There’s a ten minute wait once they get inside, so they stand in the corner together with their hands clasped between them until there’s a table ready for them. Cas surprises him when he slides into the booth beside him instead of across from him, but since the very next thing he does is rest his hand on the inside of Dean’s thigh, he isn’t exactly complaining.

He knows Cas is just as aware of the few hours they have left together dwindling quickly as he is, so if Cas wants to be close to him even at a restaurant, then he’s not going to stop him. When a waitress comes over to take their drink orders, she looks amused by the pair of them, and Dean decides right off the bat that she’s going to get a decent tip for not saying anything about two dudes being snuggled up together.

It’s pretty packed, so it takes a while for the waitress to come back for their order. Dean launches into a story about the first time he got drunk, and Cas is looking at him in that way he does when he makes Dean feel like there’s a spotlight shone on him - like he’s the only one in the whole world Cas will ever look at like this - and before he knows it, Cas is in his space with a hand on the back of his neck and is pulling him in for a kiss.

Dean’s never been the kind of guy who’s into PDA, but he’s in love and it’s only a kiss, so he lets Cas kiss him. Cas lingers, teasing at the seam of his lips with his tongue without actually diving inside, and nibbling on his bottom lip even though he’s gotta know by now it drives him fucking crazy. That might explain why when he feels Cas start to pull away he grabs ahold of the front of his shirt and pulls him back in. Cas makes a sound of protest that quickly turns into a moan of pleasure against his lips, and that’s when Dean finally ends their kiss.

He blushes when he sees the waitress standing there waiting to take their order, and he realizes that’s probably why Cas tried to pull away earlier.

“Whoops,” he says, grinning up at her with one of his most charming smiles.

“Don’t think you’re going to charm me, boy. I’m busy. Now, what can I get you?”

They place their orders, and go right back to blocking out the rest of the world once she leaves. They sit close together and there’s never a moment when they aren’t touching each other, whether it’s soft brushes of their shoulders, gentle hands resting on arms, or their fingers tangled together. When Cas is so attentive like this it fills him with so much happiness he feels like he could actually float away. He never thought in a million years he’d be the kind of guy who would get so much out of small touches, but just like yesterday, he knows he’d be completely happy to curl up on Cas’s lap and bask in every one.

He’s going to miss him so fucking much this week.

They eat their lunch in a companionable silence and Cas doesn’t even complain when Dean pays for it, though he does insist on leaving the tip himself, which Dean figures is a damn good compromise if he can get it. When they step outside the diner, they both look up at the sky in surprise. It had been a warm and sunny day when they went inside, but now the sun is completely covered by grey clouds and the temperature has dropped accordingly. Dean thinks fleetingly about the weather matching his mood as he drives back to Cas’s and glances at the clock on the dash.

He has to leave in three hours.

Cas has his arm slung across his hips with his hand in his back pocket as they walk back up to his apartment, and he’s pulled into his arms almost the moment the door closes behind them. He feels Cas’s nose buried into the crook of his neck, and he rubs his back for him, knowing he’s struggling right now.

“It’s okay, baby, we still have a couple hours,” Dean reassures him.

“I don’t want to bring you down but it’s all I keep thinking about. Time’s moving too fast,” he says quietly.

“I was thinkin’ about it anyway,” Dean tells him. He pulls Cas until he can look him in the face. “But I don’t want to spend the next three hours being sad about leaving. I wanna enjoy my time with you.”

“What do you say we go into the bedroom and enjoy each other?” Cas suggests, smiling softly.

“Sounds damn good to me,” Dean agrees.

And that’s what they do.

It’s so slow it’s almost torturous. They kiss for so long Dean knows his lips are going to be sore and bruised when he leaves. They take off the shirts that belong to them from each other’s bodies slowly, but their pants and boxers come off in a frenzy.

Finally, Dean gets the chance to map out Cas’s body they way he’s wanted to from the first moment he saw him. He presses the need to memorize how his soft skin feels beneath his palms into his body with broad strokes of his hands, groaning as Cas’s hard muscles yield beneath him with each worshiping sweep of his fingertips. He sucks how much he’ll miss him into his flesh again and again - on his pecs, along his ribs, beside his belly button, and on to the seductive jut of his hip bones. Then he begins the same trail once more, this time lavishing tender kisses on the surface of each mark, telling the story of much he loves him without needing to say a single word.

He lets the soft hair of Cas’s treasure trail lead him to his prize where he sucks Cas’s cock into his mouth for the first time. He loses himself in the smooth skin and heavy weight gliding between his plush lips, drowning in every catch of Cas’s breath and every utterance of his name drifting from the man he loves. He mouths his way up and down and all the way around every inch of his cock, licking and sucking, watching Cas’s face closely for every tiny hint of pleasure so that he can wring every possible moment of satisfaction out of him.

Then Cas moves like lightning, sitting up, lifting Dean and turning to drop him onto the mattress like he doesn’t weigh a thing, and Dean’s already moaning when Cas sinks down on his cock, swallowing him whole and causing Dean to buck up into his mouth greedily. Every thought goes fleeing from his mind except for the moist tunnel of his boyfriend’s mouth. Cas pulls off to tongue at his frenulum, his big hands running up and down the inside of his thighs, his thumbs inching closer and closer to his ass.

Cas speaks the first words other than each other’s names in what feels like forever when he asks, “Are you sore?”

Dean has to swallow several times to get his voice to be able to work. He feels deliciously like jello. “A little. Not too sore, though.”

“I promise I’ll be gentle,” Cas says, love shining in his eyes.

Dean believes him, and he wants him - he already craves the connection he feels when Cas is inside of him. “Yeah,” he breathes.

He turns over for the lube without Cas having to ask, and he hands it to him over his shoulder as he gets onto his hands and knees. His cock is already so hard it’s throbbing, but Dean leaves it, knowing Cas is going to take good care of him.

Cas presses a kiss to the inside of his ankle, making Dean laugh nervously until he starts kissing and sucking and licking his way up his calves - then his nerves are quickly replaced with arousal. Cas’s hand caresses his other leg, slipping up his thigh in time with his mouth until he’s gently kneading his ass in both hands. Dean feels his face burn when Cas spreads his cheeks apart and groans behind him.

“You’re so beautiful, Dean,” Cas tells him, his voice laden with sincerity.

Dean barely has time to process what he might look like with his ass spread like that because Cas lowers his mouth to his hole, and uses his tongue to open him up. Again, he’s goes so painstakingly slow that eventually Dean starts pressing his ass against his face for more. Cas didn’t shave this morning, and the burning sensation of his rough stubble against his sensitive skin adds an extra flare of heat to the fire already burning inside of him. By the time Cas starts adding his fingers one digit at a time, Dean’s begging him for them, and when he’s well-stretched and fully ready and Cas still doesn’t try to fuck him, he’s reached the end of his rope.

He gets to his knees, grabs Cas by the shoulder and (with more effort than he thought it would take) he flips him over until Cas is flat on his back. He grabs the bottle of lube, lubes up Cas’s already leaking cock - smirking when he gets a garbled sound of pleasure out of Cas - and straddles his hips.

Then Dean immediately loses his nerve when he realizes he only has a general idea of how to do this and no practical knowledge to draw from.

“Uhm,” he stammers, his face running hot. “Maybe a little help here?”

“Believe me, you’re doing everything exactly right,” Cas assures him. But he takes him by the hips and guides him gently until he’s hovering right over Cas’s cock. Cas holds himself steady in one hand and nods. “Whenever you’re ready, my love.”

Dean leans back and feels the blunt pressure of Cas’s cock against his eager hole, and he sinks down slowly, maintaining eye contact to make sure he’s not doing anything wrong. The second Cas starts to slip inside of him, he can feel his jaw go slack, and watching Cas bite down on his bottom lip as his fingers dig into his hips is enough to let him know it feels as good for Cas as it does for him. He takes him in nice and slow, savouring each moment it takes for Cas to fill him up, and when his ass settles completely on Cas, they’re both breathing hard and covered in sweat.

“This is - this is intense,” Dean admits, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat. The power he has right now, the way his body has opened up for the person he loves, and knowing he’s not going to have this for another week has his heart swelling in his chest. “I feel -” _complete “-_ god dammit, Cas,” he whimpers before he slams his eyes closed as he feels them start filling with tears. He _is not_ going to cry during sex.

Cas pushes himself up to his elbows and then his hands, shuffling back with Dean still impaled on his cock until Cas is leaning against the headboard and he can pull Dean into his arms.

“I know,” Cas promises, but does he? Does he know how many different feelings are swirling around inside of him? How he can’t even single any of them out, just knows it’s way more than any one person can possibly be _meant_ to feel all at once? “I love you that much, too. I feel it every time you let me inside of you.”

“It - it feels like you’re a part of me,” Dean barely manages to whisper, and hearing the words come out of his mouth is all it takes.

Dean can’t hold it in anymore, and he lets out a single broken sob before he buries his face in the side of Cas’s neck. The movement of his body causes friction inside of him, and even as the tears start falling he feels pleasure curling up his spine.

“Do - we can stop,” Cas tells him, running his fingers through the short hair on the back of his head.

Dean sniffles and shakes his head. He takes in several calming breaths before he sits up to lean back onto Cas’s cock. He’s embarrassed by the tears still slowly leaking down his face, but they’re both still rock hard and Dean wants this.

“No. I just didn’t know it would feel so different like this. Overwhelming. But it’s only ‘cause you make me feel - so much,” he ends, fresh tears spilling over.

Cas cups his face, brushes the tears away, and pulls him in for a kiss. Dean melts into it and lets himself get lost in the now familiar slip and slide of their tongues tangled together. Cas kisses him languidly, and Dean knows he’s waiting for a hint to let him know to keep going. Dean breaks their kiss to nod his head, then leans his forehead against Cas’s. Cas runs his hands down his shoulders, along his torso, and back on to his hips, and rocks him forwards gently.

Even that sends a ripple of desire through him, and he follows the rhythm Cas urges him into. It’s slow and sensual, and though Dean knows he’ll never get off this way, he gets more and more used to feeling this connected with Cas - this torn wide open and intensely vulnerable - as the minutes tick by.

He rests his hands on Cas’s shoulders and increases the pace a tiny little bit, causing Cas’s breath to catch, and Dean takes the opening of his mouth as an invitation to lick back inside, rough and dirty. They rock back and forth, locked together, bodies both slick with sweat, and slowly but surely increase their pace until Dean starts to struggle with breathing and kissing Cas at the same time.

Cas puts his hands back onto Dean’s hips and lifts him up a little bit, then eases off to let him fall back down into his cock. Dean gasps as pure pleasure spikes through him, and now knowing how much better that feels, he rises up higher onto his knees and sinks back down slowly, smirking when he sees Cas’s mouth drop open again.

“Like that, babe?”

“As long as you’re ready to come for me,” Cas says, leaning forwards to tease his bottom lip between his teeth. “Because I’m never going to last when you feel like this and look like so good riding me.” Dean can’t help the pleased smile that comes to his lips. He feels hot as fuck knowing that Cas is so attracted to him. “I swear, you’re every sexual fantasy I’ve ever had. So unbelievably sexy on top of me.” He’s squeezing his hips hard again and Dean smiles, remembering how much Cas likes his slim hips.

He rocks them as seductively as he can and feels additional arousal flooding inside of him when he can see Cas’s eyes turning darker.

“Show me how you want me to move. I kinda wanna blow your mind a little,” Dean admits.

“You _are_ ,” Cas assures him feverently. “Just like you’re already moving.”

Dean lifts up, bracing his weight on Cas’s shoulders, and falls back down again, harder than he has so far. “Like that?” Dean asks him again, already knowing the answer considering the sharp gasp he got outta him.

“Just like that, sweetheart. Keep going.”

So he does. He rolls his ass on top of him, undulating his hips slow and steady, feeling himself lit on fire from the way Cas’s eyes are taking in every inch of him slowly. He’s never felt more wanted in his entire life as he feels right now, and it kicks up the whole experience a notch for him.

“You look so hot, Dean. I wish you could see yourself. So fucking sexy. So perfect.”

“You feel so good. Huge. Feel damn good with you inside of me. God, I feel _amazing_. Gonna miss you,” he says, the words betraying him by slipping out when he throws his head back in euphoria.

Then Cas’s mouth is hot on his neck, and Dean can feel the drag of his teeth against the bruise he’s already sucked there. “I’ll miss you every day. You’re mine, Dean. In every way,” Cas says roughly.

“Yours,” Dean agrees.

“I love you,” Cas breathes.

“Love you,” Dean sighs. Cas pulls him in for another dirty kiss that makes his blood start to boil. He heats up more and more each time he makes Cas nail that sweet spot inside of him and he closes his eyes to better absorb the thrill of each thrust.

“Look how fucking hard you are,” Cas comments.

Dean looks down to see his cock flushed a deep, deep red with the tip already glistening with precum. He hardly ever gets worked up enough for that, and he’s weirdly turned on knowing riding Cas’s cock can get him there.

“‘Cause you feel so fucking good,” Dean tells him.

Cas thrusts up into him, throwing Dean slightly off balance until he topples forwards, only just catching himself with his hands on the headboard before he smacked his face into Cas’s. Completely ungraceful, but he forgets about that when he feels how how perfect this new angle is.

“Again baby,” Dean asks him. This time when he fucks up into him, Dean rolls his hips back and meets him on the way down, and _that_ is exactly what he needs. His breath comes out in a whoosh. “Fuck. Like that. Please, Cas,” Dean begs. Cas does it again and Dean calls out, gripping the headboard so hard his fingers are turning white.

“I’m going to finish if we keep doing this,” Cas warms him, his head tipped up so he can keep kissing his way across Dean’s face.

Dean’s eyes pop open, really seeing just how debauched Cas looks for the first time. “Touch me then. Grab my cock, baby,” Dean says needily, eliciting a moan from his boyfriend.

Cas doesn’t need to be asked twice. He wraps his hand around him and Dean whimpers at the sweet relief of friction, which quickly turns into a long, drawn-out, “Caaaas!” when he starts stroking his cock hard and fast just the way he likes it.

His hips buck wildly, slamming down onto Cas harder and faster than ever before, alternately chasing the slick, tight tunnel of Cas’s fist and wanting his prostate nailed hard and fast. He closes his eyes and starts racing towards his orgasm. He _needs_ to come. He lifts almost all the way off of him and crashes back down over and over, barely registering the low grunts from Cas beneath him.

“Dean! Dean I’m gonna - I’m coming! I’m - oh god - I can’t - _fuck_ , fuck, fuck - I’m - nnnnggh _Dean!”_ Cas shouts.

His fist tightens almost to the point of pain on Dean’s cock, and that, combined with knowing Cas is spurting deep inside of him is enough to send him hurtling over the edge of his own orgasm. He looks down in time to see cum squirt once from his tip, and then dribble meekly down the length of his cock and onto the back of Cas’s hand.

His orgasm is almost painful, his cum almost as clear as water on his skin, and he’s reminded of just how many times he’s come since he’s been here before he slumps heavily against Cas’s shoulder and goes completely boneless.

Cas wraps his arms around him tight, just holding on to him like he never wants to let go. He can feel Cas’s cum slowly leaking out of him and it’s fucking disgusting - but he thinks about what that might look like and decides to file that away to think about when it doesn’t already hurt to even think about more sex.

They stay like that for a long time. Cas has already softened and slipped out of him, and Dean’s thighs have gone from burning to completely numb with the way he’s sitting on top of Cas, but still they don’t move.

“Well, I think I found the most effective way to keep you here,” Cas says suddenly. “Because there’s a good chance we’re stuck together like this for good now.”

Dean snorts. “I literally can’t feel my legs.”

“I can’t feel anything from the waist down.”

“We’re never going to be able to get up,” Dean says with his lips quirking. He feels Cas start to shake with laughter underneath him, and then he joins in, and the two of them laugh so hard they fall over, forcing their legs to untangle and causing both of them to groan loudly when the blood starts working its way back into their extremities.

“We’re going to have to shower again,” Cas comments.

“Oh, woe is me. More naked time with my hot boyfriend,” Dean jokes. They roll out of bed together and make their way to the shower, rinsing off quickly and trying but failing to shake off the melancholy descending upon them with every minute that passes. When they get out of the shower, Dean gestures to the toothpaste and deodorant by the sink, “You mind if I leave this stuff here for next time?”

Cas’s eyes light up with happiness. “I don’t mind at all. In fact, I believe it would please me immensely to see it here every day.”

Dean’s lips curve into a smile. Cas is such a dork. “I believe it would please me immensely as well,” he echoes in a mocking tone of voice.

Cas quirks an eyebrow, pushes him into the wall and runs out of the bathroom, leaving Dean standing there with his mouth hanging open before he starts chuckling and follows him to the bedroom. He pulls on his boxers and debates between jeans and the lounge pants again before Cas says, “Would you like to borrow a clean pair of sweats to wear home?”

Dean can tell by the way he says it that he wants him to, so he agrees and steps into them once they’re offered to him, pulling the drawstring tight to make sure they don’t fall off. He pulls on the t-shirt of Cas’s he was wearing earlier, then starts gathering up his clothes and stuffing them inside his duffel bag, trying to pretend like there isn’t a weight getting heavier and heavier on his chest as he goes.

He leaves the flavored condoms - not that he thinks they’ll ever use them - but when he turns to tell Cas he sees that he’s alone in the room. He frowns, but takes the opportunity to look over Cas’s rumpled sheets one more time, remembering how sad Cas looked when he woke him up in the middle of the night last night. Feeling like a total ass, he looks over his shoulder real quick, then opens his bag again and pulls out the t-shirt he wore yesterday. He turns it inside out, rubs it over his armpit to make it smell like his freshly applied deodorant, then turns it the right way and pulls it over top the pillow on his side of the bed. He stuffs it under the blanket and walks out of the room with his cheeks burning.

Cas is in the kitchen with a glass of water, and he hands it to Dean and holds out two pills in his hand. “Advil. Should help with any inflammation. In case your ass is a little sore,” he explains.

“Thanks,” Dean answers, popping them into his mouth and swallowing them down with a glass of water. He places the glass back on the counter and when he looks over at Cas, he sees he’s refusing to meet his gaze. “Come on, babe, let’s not do this,” Dean begs him, quietly.

“I’m trying,” Cas answers, his voice already sounding like he’s fighting back tears. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” he says, dropping his duffel to take a few steps towards him and pulling him into his arms.

Cas backs away though, shaking his head. “If you hug me, I’m going to -”

“So cry if you need to,” Dean interrupts him, tugging him against him. “Let me hold you while you cry when I can.”

Cas’s shoulders shake as he gives into it, and Dean squeezes his own eyes closed, willing himself to be strong for Cas this time.

“This is stupid,” Cas says, gasping for breath.

“It’s not,” Dean argues. “I don’t wanna go either.”

Cas nods his head against Dean’s shoulder and stays there until he seems to get himself together. He gives Dean a little squeeze and then very obviously wipes his face on Dean’s shirt, which makes Dean laugh. “You’re a pain in the ass today.” Which then makes _Cas_ laugh, and Dean feels some of the stress loosen inside of him when he backs away enough to see a smile on Cas’s face. “We’re gonna be alright, Cas. We already know we can do this.”

“And it’s only one week this time,” Cas says, smiling again at the way Dean’s face lights up. “Yes, I’m definitely going to be able to come visit next weekend since my very stubborn boyfriend saved me some money by paying for my groceries today.”

“Double fucking win,” Dean says, pulling him in for another bone crunching hug. “We’ve got this, baby. It’s Sunday, and you can come back Saturday. That’s only Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday until I see you again. Five days. You’re not even gonna have time to miss me!”

“We both know I’m going to miss you the second you walk through the door,” Cas says, but Dean can tell he’s still smiling.

“Okay fine, but my ass is gonna need five days to recover,” Dean jokes, and Cas exhales a watery laugh.

“If I come again before then I think I might die, so I’m glad to hear that,” Cas says with a smile.

“I love you,” Dean tells him, seriously now. “This was the best two days of my whole fucking life.”

“Mine too,” Cas says, nodding again. “Part of me - part of me thought I might never really be this happy again after - everything... with Jimmy. But you - you make me feel like I’m alive again, Dean. I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

Dean cups his face and kisses him quickly. “I know, baby. Five days and we’ll be together again the way we belong.”

Cas nods eagerly. “You want me to stay here again so you can walk out alone, don’t you?”

“Still the easiest way for me,” he answers. “That okay?”

“Whatever you need,” he replies, which Dean thinks might be the same thing he said last time. The thought warms him for some reason.

He walks over to the door to slip his shoes on, Cas leaning awkwardly on the wall next to him. The second he’s standing again their hands tangle together at their sides, and they meet in the middle for another, long, lingering kiss. Dean pours every ounce of feeling he has into it and only breaks away when they’re both breathless. They rest their foreheads together as they both try to keep it together. Finally, Dean clears his throat and takes a step back.

“I’ll text you when I get home,” he promises.

“I won’t lose my phone this time,” Cas replies, making Dean smile.

“That’ll make tonight easier,” he answers.

He opens the door and leans in for one more final quick kiss. “Love you, Cas.”

“I love you, too, Dean.” He gets two steps out the door before Cas adds, “My heart goes with you.”

“Goddamnit Cas,” he curses as he feels the first tear spill over, but he doesn’t turn back - knows if he does it’s going to be even harder to walk away again. So he takes comfort in the fact that he can feel Cas’s gaze on him until he turns the corner, then in the fact that he’s wearing Cas’s clothes, that he left a toothbrush at his apartment, and that this time it’s only going to be five more days until he’s in his arms again.

He walks through the rain - barely even feeling it - unlocks his car, throws his bag in the back seat, and gets in behind the wheel.

His car’s comforting, too. He feels at home in it, and the sound of Zeppelin in the air grounds him further. He takes several deep breaths, in and out slowly, and inadvertently catches a whiff of Cas. His next exhale comes out in a sob, but he shoves it down, takes in another breath through his mouth, and puts the car in reverse.

He doesn’t stop for dinner this time, and makes it all the way home, through a sandwich and a few hours of talking with Sam before he heads to his room for the night.

He unlocks his phone to check his reply from when he texted Cas that he made it home and sees a selfie of him lying on his bed. His eyes are red rimmed, but he has his arm around the pillow with Dean’s shirt on it and a big, soft, dopey smile on his face.

Dean _barely_ manages to type out a goodnight text through his tears, and falls asleep with his cheeks still wet, trying desperately to convince himself that his single bed doesn’t feel as empty as his heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

 

“Cas! Come on, man, it’s ringing!”

“Hang on, hang on,” Cas replies, pulling his shirt over his head and messing his hair up even more - which of course, just makes Dean smile bigger. “Shut up. If you could’ve kept it in your pants for five more minutes -”

“Me!? You’re the one -”

“Answer the video call, Dean,” Cas says, leaning over to wrap his arms around his neck from behind. Dean smiles to himself at the familiar weight of Cas against his body before he yelps as Cas pinches his nipple _hard_.

“You fucker,” Dean complains even as he hits _answer_ and places his hands in his lap.

“Heeeey!” Nev and Max say in complete synchronization.

“Hey, guys,” Dean answers.

“How’s it goin’!?” Max asks eagerly.

“Great!” Both Cas and Dean answer, then look at each other to share a grin.

“So, you guys are obviously still together?” Nev prompts.

They both nod. “Yep, been almost four months since we met face-to-face,” Dean tells them.

“And? Things are going well?” Nev checks.

“Extremely well,” Cas says with a smile.

“How did the long distance thing end up working out? You had to wait for Sam to start school before you could move closer, right?” Max asks.

“That’s right. It was hard at first -” Cas begins.

“It fucking blew,” Dean interrupts.

“Still swearing like a trucker, huh?” Nev laughs.

“He’s incorrigible,” Cas agrees. “So yes, _it blew_ but we got through it.”

Max has a huge smile on his face and Nev’s eyebrows are arched so high he doesn’t even know how they’re still on his face. “And!?”

“And, I uh, just moved here at the end of August,” Dean explains.

“Moved here like Hutchinson, or moved here like in with Cas?” Max asks.

“Well, the original plan was to move to Hutchinson to be closer to Cas, but we were already staying together every weekend anyway, so we kinda got our own apartment,” Dean answers, feeling his cheeks heating up more with every second that goes by.

“Yeah!” Nev and Max cheer, making both Cas and Dean laugh happily.

“I knew you were going to be one of our happy ever after stories! You guys up for doing this season’s reunion show in a few weeks? People are going to _love_ your story when it airs!” Max tells them.

Cas and Dean exchange looks, checking to see what the other thinks.

“Free trip to L.A,” Nev adds.

“Hell yeah!” Dean says quickly, and he can see Cas shaking his head at him fondly in his peripheral. “We’ll be there.”

“Cas, are you okay with that?”

“I’ve yet to figure out how to tell those pouty lips of his no, so it sounds as if I don’t have much a choice,” Cas replies dryly. Dean slips his arm around his hips to pinch his ass, which he figures is fair payback for the pouty lip comment.

Cas jumps predictably and Dean snickers.

Nev and Max are still smiling at the pair of them. “Yeah, people are going to love you two. The _Catfish_ producers will be in touch about the reunion show, okay?”

“Sounds great,” Cas replies.

“We’ll see you two soon. Keep an eye on each other,” Max tells them.

“Don’t worry, I still can’t stop looking at his adorable little freckles,” Cas says using baby talk, which makes Dean flush right to the tips of his ears and Nev and Max both laugh.

“Fuck you all,” Dean says, and ends the video call with their laugher still ringing in his ears. “You’re a dick, you know that?”

“You _love_ my dick,” Cas responds, grinning. “And don’t think I didn’t notice the way you were hiding your hand from the camera.”

Dean pulls his arm from around Cas and looks down at the simple silver band on his left finger and can’t suppress his smile. “Thought we agreed we aren’t telling people until we could tell Sammy in person?”

“You just like being my (not) fiance,” Cas teases.

Dean grins back up at him, happier than he ever thought he could be. “Well, (not) boyfriends worked out pretty damn well, so...” Dean ends his sentence with a shrug.

Cas leans down to brush their lips together, and Dean’s reminded pretty quickly that while he sucked Cas off before Nev and Max called them, Cas didn’t have time to do him yet. He pushes forwards against his mouth needily, sliding his tongue across his lips and into his mouth, sighing into it when Cas opens for him.

They break apart when he hears the buzz of the washing machine letting him know his last load is done.

“How about we go finish this in laundry room? Then we can check another room off our list,” Cas suggests, pulling Dean's bottom lip between his teeth.

Dean’s mind goes completely blank for a second or two before he remembers he has to move to make this happen.

“I think that’s the best offer I’ve heard all day,” Dean finally says, hopping up out of his chair excitedly.

“Alright, c’mon Freckles.” Cas slides his hand across the front of Dean’s jeans, smirking when he feels that Dean’s already starting to hard again. “Let’s see if I can get you to come before you get everything in the dryer.”

“Challenge accepted,” Dean grins.

Cas slaps his ass, which sends Dean taking off at a dead run down the hall to try and get a head start.

He knows he’s gonna need it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this one guys! I hope you enjoyed the fluffy smut :) Thank you for reading!


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